"Once our eyes are opened, we cannot pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act." Proverbs 24:12

“There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.”- William Butler Yeats

Saturday, March 14, 2009

A Little Look Into My Last Few Days.

(except for the helicopter pictures that will come later when Daddy puts them on the computer.)

Life really isn't that bad here.

You mean I could squeeze the whole bottle into your hands?

Now this is the way to watch CARS.

I am the coolest dude in this ICU!

Even if my Mama looks terrible, all tired and rundown, I love her SO much!

More wires and more tests? Please Daddy, make them stop!

Showing my Uncle the loot you get when you are in ICU!

Hanging with my new soon-to-be sister and my biggest brother, Tito!

Oh yeah! I got these nurses wrapped around my finger.

I screamed for 30 minutes because I hated that you let them put all this stuff on me to study my sleep. Why can't they just stand there and watch me sleep?

Hi Friends,

My Mama and Daddy told me that all over the world people are praying for me and how much I am loved by so many. I know I'm feeling so much better because you are asking Jesus to make me well. Thank you and please, please don't stop praying. I really miss my home and my brothers and sisters and want to be back with them real, real soon!

Lots of Love,


Friday, March 13, 2009

First of all, i'd like to say.....

......IT WASN'T MY FAULT! I had this whole thing done once already, and when Ohilda posted it , it wasn't connected online, and dumped it. So so unfair, especially since she said it was MY fault! Once again, as a good husband, I said, " Sure Honey..... ", and kicked an egotistical arrogant cleft doctor in the shins!! I feel better!

OK, I'm going to do this again! Let's see.. ummmm.. ok, let's start with the ego trip doctors at Health Park, no wait! Ohilda covered that. Ok, its Thursday afternoon, and we're waiting for the nurse crew to tell us when the helicopter is on its way. We've only asked Peggy ( The head nurse ) about 20 times, Ohilda seems to forget we humans have the ability to remember things, but considering the fact the doctors there continued to forget what the last doctor said, I could see her point! God, what a rough time we had!

Anyways, around 2:30 I think, Peggy comes in and says, " I have news for you, they just called from Miami and the helicopter will be here in 20mins.! " Ohilda's tension factor shot up 200%, considering the fact she wanted as much notice as possible so she could drive to Miami to be there when Kai and I landed ( yea! I was on a helicopter! ) ( oh yea, Kai too! ) O gave the two of us a quick kiss, and she disappeared in a flash!

Well, this is where the fun began. As Daddy, it was now my job to keep Kai calm and cool as the transfer was being made from one hospital to the next. So I pushed hard on the helicopter ride. But Kai, the poor kid, he's been through hell, and he's not a dumb kid, he was very wary of everything. It's funny, I noticed with Kai, when he's nervous, he keeps his head still, and will look at everything out of the corner of his eyes, as if to say, " If they can't see me paying attention to them, they won't bother me! " So as the helicopter flew in overhead, I said, " Listen Kai! The helicopter's here! " And he said, "Yeaaaaaaa! " So I was pumped that this might go rather smoothly after all.

It was then that I bent down and looked him in the eyes and said, " Kai Kai, we're going to be moving to another place in the helicopter, and there's going to be a lot of people that's coming here soon. But listen to me, there's going to be no boo boos, OK? Daddy promises, no boo-boos. " He just looked at me, and nodded OK. This is where the first of 4 different doctors in white lab coats began entering the room, making last minute checks and bringing me paperwork. Kai went into a statue mode every time he saw a lab coat. At one point, there was 2 air paramedics, 2 nurses, and 2 doctors in the room. Kai's eyes were darting all over the place! I kept saying to him, " Don't worry, no boo-boos Kai, it's OK. " And he was great..... UNTIL..........

We moved him from the bed to the stretcher, and he was rigid, as expected. But when it came time to lie him back and strap him in for the trip, Kai CLEARED THE ROOM! His primal scream tore off heads and limbs of innocent bystanders..... in the next county!!! I felt so bad for him as I kept saying, " Kai! It's going to be OK! Relax! " Nope! The Air Medic strapping him in had to cling to the stretcher himself for fear of being blown threw the third story window! And we were on the 2nd floor!!!

Finally, he was strapped down ( he didn't fight it , mind you, he just hated to be pushed down to lie down. Every time it happens, he gets prodded or poked or something else evil ) and we began to roll out of the room. Did Kai stop there? Heck no!!! As we rolled through ICU's hallways, Kai casually continued to let us know, " Hey! Guys! I'm just not happy with this! ", as he continued to screeeeeeeam through Pediatrics ICU, down the halls of this prestigious hospital, into an elevator with 5 people ( Kai screamed, and their shadows are all that's left, burned into the elevator's walls, forever ), and through the perimeter ... until he saw the open door with daylight streaming in.

He toned it down a bit, from 500 decibels to 100 decibels, and as we rolled outside to this spectacular yellow and red helicopter, he decided he would spare the rest of our lives, and stop crying. Poor baby!

As we rolled up, the Air Medic opened the helicopter's door, and said," Kai! Are you ready to fly in my helicopter? " , and Kai's eyes lit up! He then gave Kai a toy replica of the helicopter, and that made Kai's day! But still he wasn't speaking, eyes darting everywhere, still wary of the situation. Just then, the Air Medic took out a big syringe full of Kai's IV solution from his flight bag, and I think I heard the sound of Kai's eyes popping out of his head! If you're a Looney Tunes fan like myself, you know what I mean! "POP! POP!"

I said, " No Kai, its not for you, no boo-boos, remember? It's OK! ", and gently pushed his eyes back into his sockets. He just gave me this look. I think its a look Chinese give Americans when you barter price with them in China. That "I'm looking at you, and then I'm dropping my eyes away from you" kind of look. It was understandable, considering half of Florida is in ruins from his screaming.

We strapped into the helicopter, and they offered us headphones for speaking to each other and to block out the loud helicopter noise that was soon to come. Kai looked at the Air Medic and shook his head rapidly. I think if that set of headphones was made of chocolate, he wouldn't have touched them! There was no way this little man wanted anything else attached, poked, or prodded into him.

So we took off, and he started to lighten up when he had his toy in his hands and was looking outside the window. The Air Medic offered him the headphones again, and he agreed! When he put them on, I kept saying, " Kai Kai! We're flying on a helicopter! Woohoooo! ( Hey! I was excited, come on! ) Say Hi so I can hear you Kai! Do you like the ride?" Nothing. Not a word. I tried for another couple of minutes to get him to speak, with no success. I gave in, and continued to take pictures ..... HELLOOOOO! Of course I'm taking pictures! I'm in a HELICOPTER! And of course, if I didn't, my wife would've killed me!

All of a sudden, out of nowhere, Kai says, "DADDY! LOOK AT MY HELICOPTER! WOW DAD! WOW!! " I was like, " Yea Kai! It looks just like this big helicopter, huh?? " He says, " Yes! It's red and yellow too! Like this one!! "

It was at this point that Kai, the wary little boy disappeared, and Kai, the magic gift we brought home from China, kicked in. Since the headphones were voice activated, and the speakers inside played your voice for you, and you'd hear everybody else speaking, Kai began to tell all of us about his boo-boos, about how AJ broke his big toy helicopter at home, and that AJ wasn't getting this one, and how Anna Grace doesn't listen to Mama, and how he was hungry, and then he began to call in an air strike on the Iraqi insurgents living in the Everglades ( we flew over 80 miles of bleak Everglade swamp land ), and to finish it off recited the State of the Union speech to Congress.... without a teleprompter! Let's see ya do that one, President Obama!! LOL!!

He had everyone laughing the whole trip, but until I said, "OK Kai, we're almost there, we're going to be landing soon!" and Kai said in his cute kid voice, " ooooooookayyyyyy ", that it was then the pilot starting laughing, saying over and over again, " ooooookaayyyyyy, ooooookayyyyyy!" Kai was all excited about the landing, as he watched out the windows and laughed.

And we arrived without incident, and checked him into the PICU, where he was bombarded with great nurses and toys and nurses and toys and nurses who all said, "Oh my God! He's so cute!" , and more toys and more nurses who said, "Oh my God! He's so adorable!", and more toys and ... well, I don't think I need to continue, since its yet to stop!

It's now Saturday morning. I spent my first night with Kai as Mama went to the apartment to catch up on sleep. I wanted to say thank you to all of you who are praying for us and my little man, as well as the rest of my clan (I miss my Anna Grace. Amanda and AJ ). And I'm sure I'll be back soon, when Mama lets me out of my cage. :)

Scott ( Who loves his wife dearly ) Bombardier

Tired, but posting!

I know that you guys are all expecting Scott's post, but like Jack Bauer, his blogging abilities are just not quite there yet. Poor guy spent almost 1.5 hours this morning putting his thoughts together only to find out when he was done that something had gone wrong, and *POOF* it was all gone. He will be writing it again tonight. I did not get to read it all, but the little bit I read, definitely was my sweet hubby's humorous writing. He's very witty.

Now, onto some Kai stuff. WHAT A DAY!!!!!!

It's a bit complicated and way too long for my mind to even put into words right now, but needless to say we spent 3 hours demanding that our child be scoped by an ENT team, given a diagnosis to the obstruction, and have the problem corrected. That's why we were flown here. That's basically all we want. Simple, right?

Not really. Not when egos enter the rooms before the doctors. Without too much detail, at about 1 p.m this afternoon a cleft surgeon walked into the room, looked into Kai's mouth as he was held down, screaming at the top of his lungs with body flailing all over the place, and then told us that his VP flap (corrective palate surgery done 1.5 years ago) was the obstruction. It would have to be taken down. No scope. No nothing. Just a very renown doctor looking into a mouth for less than 3 seconds and never expecting the patient (or parents of the patient in this case) to question how he arrived at his outcome. This was our afternoon. All hell pretty much broke loose at that point.

We were told that Kai would be seen by an ENT and would be scoped, during the surgery that the world renown doctor was performing. That wasn't gonna fly. And every time the words "world renown" were thrown around it was making my skin crawl.

So, being the Mama Bear that I am and having Papa Grizzly protecting his cub, we finally said no way. We were able to set up an appointment with an ENT this afternoon. They did his scope and we found the obstruction. It was not the flap that his surgeon had created, it is a huge mass of overgrown adenoids in the back of his throat that have seemed to take over.

He is scheduled for surgery on Monday, although we do not know the time yet. I'm praying and hoping to be on our way back home by Wednesday. I miss my kids more than you could ever imagine.

Kai has been poked, probed and beat up more than a little guy ever should be. I can't wait to get him out of here. He sees a white coat and flinches.

I also wanted to say a huge-we-will-never-forget-your-kindness thank you to our wonderful friends, Chris & Ame from ...for such a time as this and Aus and Marie from The Aus Side of Life! for providing an apartment (walking distance from the hospital) for us while we are here. We have family in town, but due to logistics and not wanting to be further than a few steps from Kai, it's impossible for us to rest our heads there. Tonight, I've given up and have decided that my body needs sleep. I can't fight it anymore. I will be heading that way in a bit and sleeping a full 8+ hours in total quiet. THANK YOU! We love you guys and are blessed to call you friends.

Scott will be re-posting his helicopter version later tonight.

Kai is now asleep and resting peacefully. A few more days and we will be home, God willing, with a little boy that can breathe on his own and this whole nightmare will be over. Please continue your prayers, they are being felt more than ever now.

I promise pics and video tomorrow. Really. I. mean. it.

Blessings filled with love.

Catching Up & A Treat!

Good morning, friends! Little man is sitting here fiddling with a cool fix-it tool truck he won in a contest he entered here at the hospital last night. In true Kai style, when he was presented with the truck, he yelled out a huge "W-O-W"!!

As I mentioned, they did not want to put him on anything when he finally fell asleep, almost at midnight, because they wanted to see how the apnea was developing. Within minutes of falling asleep his oxygen saturation levels were creeping down and he began struggling to breathe. It didn't take much longer for them to scurry and put him back on the Heliox (helium/oxygen mixture) mask and sedate him. After that, he was able to sleep all night, while still struggling and Mama watching his bony little chest (he is soooo thin now) rise and cave in deep into his rib cage.

Going back to yesterday and the journey to Miami. You guys are in for a treat! I know there are many "Scott" fans out there, so after absolutely no some nudging I will give my side of the story and Scott has graciously agreed to journal his adventures with Mr. Kai on the helicopter.

As you know, the "plan" was that once we heard that Scott could go on the helicopter with him, I would leave Fort Myers and head to Miami Children's Hospital (MCH) about an hour before the helicopter left Miami. We were assured by all involved that we'd have plenty of time to put that plan in action.

Shortly after the Still Waiting post the nurse came back in and said they just called from MCH. "The helicopter will be here in 15 minutes", she said. I immediately smiled and said, "Nice one." She looked at me dead in the eyes and said, "I'm serious. I'm sorry." This meant that I would definitely NOT be there when Kai arrived at the other hospital. She then turned to Scott and said, "They've approved your going on the flight with him". I praised God, turned to Scott, slapped a quick kiss goodbye, then turned to Kai grabbed his little face and said, "How cool! You're going on a helicopter ride with Daddy." I gave him a quick kiss and bolted down the halls and out the hospital door to hop in my car and head south.

As I began driving, I was calculating times and speed so I could figure out how fast I needed to go in order to arrive maybe just a half hour after the helicopter did. My magical number was 95 mph! OK. The Speed Racer in me (I know...I know. Totally irresponsible, but this Mama Bear was praying God would protect her as she debuted in her first race.) decided the starting line would be as soon as I paid the toll to hop onto Alligator Alley. For those not familiar, Alligator Alley is an 80 mile stretch of highway that cuts through the Florida Everglades. It is usually pretty open with light traffic and with the exception of a couple of rest stops, there is literally nothing there but alligator filled canals.

I called Scott about 20 minutes into my drive (before arriving at the starting line) and he said the helicopter had arrived and they were working on charts, records, equipment and so forth before they took off. I could hear the nurses in the background chit-chatting with Kai about the now very popular ride.

Finally, I arrived at the starting gate (Or is that for horse racing only?). I paid the toll, put the pedal to the metal and whoooooosh......out of nowhere.......appeared a Florida Highway Patrol, GOING THE SPEED LIMIT RIGHT NEXT TO ME! UGH!!!!!

I knew right there and then that God had intervened in my crazy thoughts. And could you believe that Mr. Patrolman, whom I am sure was placed there to probably save my life and other innocent people's lives, remained on his course of 70 mph for 65 miles of the 80 mile stretch. He finally pulled into a rest stop. No doubt, that was God.

It turned out that Scott had been delayed (he'll give you the details) and after I sped up to a bit of a more reasonable speed (I compromised with God...heh!) I made it to the hospital just 15 minutes after Scott and Kai had arrived.

I am definitely feeling God's hand in all of this, and again, I know it's because our little guy is being lifted up by so many from all over the world. I received an email from Italy yesterday where this person was just letting me know that her parish is praying for our sweet boy. I am humbled, blessed and in awe.

So, that's it from me. In a bit when Mr. Bombardier, a/k/a Jack Bauer (my new name for him since his excitement to ride the helicopter was almost the same excitement I have for Jack when it's Monday night) comes back from grabbing a bite to eat, he will post his side of the journey.

Much love, many blessings and as always.....THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

I love you guys!

SCOTT'S SIDE OF THE STORY: (Coming REALLY, REALLY soon (and pictures even maybe a video of a helicopter ride, too!)

Thursday, March 12, 2009

We're Here!

We are here!!! What a journey. I have LOTS to say starting with the fact that Kai has been taken off of sedation so the new doctors could see how bad his apnea is. Well, it's 11 p.m. and I don't know when they're gonna see it because he has NO intentions of sleeping. He's been sleeping now for almost 24 hours and regained all his energy. The kid is a giant goofball. He has the nurses cracking up and taking pictures of him with their cell phones. Typical Kai.

I'm gonna tuck him in (for the 5th time) and go through my emails. I will then come back and post today's events.

This ICU unit is very big city type. (I love it!) But that means that lights are NOT turned off, lots of action and a stiff chair for Mama. No climbing in bed with kiddos here.

For those of you on Facebook....I'm gonna go on there in a bit since my sister wants to talk live and I can't use my cell phone in here. I also have Yahoo Messenger, if anyone wants to chat live, just email me. I'll be back later since I think it's gonna be a l-o-n-g night.

Before I go read my emails, I just want to thank EVERYONE again for the flood of emails filled with prayers & support, phone calls, offers to stay at your houses, even limo rides. :) I will absolutely share with my little man how many people have prayed and loved him during some of his toughest times, many people that I have never met face to face, but our hearts are entwined. You guys make me smile BIG! Thank you!


UPDATED AT 1:35 a.m:

I'm beat. Gonna head to bed and will post a true update tomorrw. The ENT team is coming in the morning and they will decide which way to go. Please continue your prayers, I know that is the ONLY thing that's keeping our heads above water.

Still Waiting.....

Still in the ICU here. We haven't heard for sure if Scott's going to be allowed on the helicopter with Kai, but someone did come in and ask his weight, so maybe their considering it? Thank you, Lord! The waiting is pretty much driving me crazy.

Kai continues to be under sedation and although he is still struggling with his breathing, he's been catching up on much needed sleep.

I wanted to share a quick story about this little guy. When we first arrived at the hospital, we were told our stay would be about 2 days. He whined a bit about staying and I told him, "Kai, we're only here for a couple of days and then we go home and Mama will not leave you at all." He was OK with that.

Yesterday afternoon he asked, "We go home today?" I said, "No, baby. I'm sorry. We can't go home today."

This morning, when he first awoke he looked at me and said, "Mama today is day three. We go home today?" My heart is breaking that he is keeping track of the days. I told him that we were leaving this hospital today, but that we had to go to another one. He cried a bit.'

For those of you that don't know Kai. Kai is all. things. boy. He is pure energy and loves his bugs, trucks, cars and planes. So, later in the day, we had this conversation.

ME: Kai, you've been such a good boy! We have a BIG, BIG surprise for you?

KAI: (His eyes beaming with joy.) Is it a monster truck?

ME: Nope. Something even cooler!!!

KAI: What, Mama? (in a very excited tone)

ME: You've been such a good boy that you get to go on a REAL helicopter ride!!! (I waited for shrieks of joy to fill the room. Nothing.)

KAI: (A bit apprehensive knowing something was not right). A real helicopter? In the air?

ME: Yes! Isn't that exciting?

KAI: Are you and Daddy going to ride, too?

ME: (heart breaking again) I can't go baby because Mama gets sick when she rides helicopters. I don't know if Daddy could go, because he may be too big and this special ride is for special boys that behave really, really good while they're in the hospital.

KAI: Okay Mama. (Not too much excitement)

So, that was my preliminary preparation for his travel arrangement. Sadly, he will be strapped into a stretcher and not looking out a window. I continue to pray that Scott be allowed to ride with him.

Keep an eye on the TWITTER feature on the sidebar, because I won't be able to post these long posts soon, but I will try and hop on there to say we are on our way. Right now, I'm trying hard to ignore the huge butterflies churning in my stomach and keep myself occupied. Hence the reason I am rambling.

Scott right now is on the phone with the Ronald McDonald house and they are trying to get us a room over there. Please Lord let this go through, because as you all know from my previous prayer request, we were back then figuring out how to come up with $3,000 for ear tubes. I don't even want to think about what the medical costs are going to be now. with our lame HMO. I am trying hard to focus on my little man and believing that God will take care of us.

Lastly, Anna Grace is really struggling with all of this. The last two phone calls, she's remained on the phone listening, but will not speak to me. She's angry, confused and scared. A lot is going on at once. Your prayers are being felt. I can't thank you enough.

God bless.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Latest News & Specific Prayer Requests

One of my most precious gifts, trying desperately to sleep without gasping for air.

As I sit in a dark, hospital room illuminated only by the light of my laptop, and listening to the sounds of my little man breathing heavily, I find myself so blessed. I am humbled by the flood of comments, scriptures, emails, phone calls and offers to help. Your prayers lifting up my baby boy and our family are special gifts to us. While weak physically, emotionally and spiritually right now, your prayers are filling me with the strength I need to be there for my boy. So many of you have reminded me that when two or more are gathered in his name..... thank you! Both Scott and I could not ask for more.

This is where we are. Earlier this evening, I once again called our hero, Kai's cleft surgeon who is in a city about 4 hours from us. He has nothing to do with what is happening, but is well known and very respected at the hospital where Kai is at. After speaking to him, we were more at ease and understood their decision.
At 3:45 AM this morning, the ICU doctor called him to confer about Kai's condition. They both agreed that we should give Kai another 24 hours on steroids to see if it reduces the inflammation that is aggravating the obstruction causing the apnea. The steroids have helped, but not enough. Both Scott and I were frustrated, but we both agreed to wait until noon tomorrow to decide whether or not Kai would be moving to Miami.

About an hour later, the pulmonologist/sleep disorder specialist came to see Kai. Kai had been put under heavy sedation in order for him to rest, because he's gone almost 36 hours with barely any sleep. It just so happened that about 20 minutes before the pulmonologist walked in, Kai had woken up and was watching his "Monster Truck" videos. As we conversed about his apnea with the doctor, Kai slowly slid back into sleep, this time without his oxygen mask on. Within minutes, he was in full apnea mode, gasping for air, chest caved in, and his little eyes would open to the size of dishes as fear set in that he couldn't breathe. The doctor immediately said that a sleep test would not be necessary. He said it was a severe and classic case of obstructive sleep apnea and his recommendation was that Kai be taken to an expert ENT team at Miami Children's Hospital. There a scope would be done, under general anesthesia, to find out exactly what the obstruction is and the problem would be corrected.

Where we are now. We have now all agreed that this is what is needed to move ahead with the situation. Tomorrow morning the ICU doctor will contact the ICU team at MCH and a rescue helicopter will be sent to pick Kai up. Kai will NOT be sedated for this ride.

Our specific prayer requests:

1. There are 2 helicopters available for this. One is larger than the other. There have been certain instances in which a parent HAS been allowed to travel with the child. Our little guy scared to death right now with everything that is happening. Please pray that our Heavenly Father allow the larger helicopter to be available and that the team permit Scott to travel with Kai. We have decided Scott would be the best choice for two reasons. a) I get horribly airsick on helicopters. I've been on two and both times I've been sick within minutes. b) Since Kai will not be sedated, he and Daddy could share a special "ride", therefore not traumatizing him further.

2. That the ENT team that examines Kai be filled with God's wisdom and guidance as they proceed to find out the exact reason his airways are obstructed and most importantly that whatever obstruction they need to remove is not something that will regress or impede Kai's speech from improving.

3. And most of all, that God's hands protect Kai and Scott (and myself as I drive alone to Miami) during their flight. May the trip there be one that will result in a positive conclusion to this situation with the obstruction being removed, his speech not be damaged in the process and may our stay away from our other children not be prolonged.

4. T hat the timing all work out so that I could leave Fort Myers in a timely manner and arrive at the hospital in Miami by the time the helicopter arrives s.o that I could be present as Kai is admitted into the ICU there. May his little heart not fear and may God's peace that surpasses all understanding fill our hearts.

5. Please pray for my Mom who will be staying with AJ and Anna Grace since my sister had plans to go out of town this weekend. My Mom is almost 70 years old and amazing. But I also know how hard it is to keep up with 2 toddlers. May she find the energy she needs to care for them and for herself during her time alone with them.

Thank you again my dear friends. I will post again as soon as I can.

Loving the Jesus in each and every one of you,
Your sister in Christ,

Quick Update

This is one very scared Mama who can't feel Jesus around her, and that scares me even more. I just had a church friend come by and pray with us. I feel like I'm falling apart. As of 6 a.m. this morning, after a night of tears (both Kai's and mine) and watching my little boy's chest literally concave as he gasped for breath, we were told by the doctors that they felt the best plan of action was to airlift him by rescue helicopter to Miami Children's Hospital, two hours away. There would be no room on the helicopter for us, so Scott and I would have to drive.

I called Scott hysterically to get to the hospital. About 20 minutes later, the doctor came in and said that he wanted to give Kai a little more time on the huge dosage of steroids, helium mixed with oxygen, and triple doses of Benadryl to see if he could improve without sending him. Twenty minutes after that, he came back yet again saying he was going to begin the process to get him to Miami.

By the time Scott arrived, I've been without sleep for almost 30 hours and developed a migraine that had me literally running into the bathroom the minute Scott walked through the ICU door, so that I could throw up. I was able to sleep about an hour and feel better.

The 3rd new doctor "in charge" came to see us. He contradicted everything the first doctor said and felt that there is no need to send Kai to Miami. He feels that they can treat him here and then he could go there with us, by car, after he has been stabilized. I said to him that will all due respect he was completely contradicting the previous doctor, he responded by saying that he understood my feelings, but that he had to stick by his decision.

We need huge prayers for wisdom for these doctors, for guidance so that we can decide on what God wants us to do. God knows the outcome of this nightmare and I've allowed my eyes to not focus on Jesus and feel like I'm drowning.

I can't stand seeing my baby boy in such respiratory distress, hooked up to monitors, machines and breathing apparatuses. About 4 a.m. last night, I felt like grabbing him and just running away with him.

PLEASE, dear friends, continue praying.....for Kai, for the doctors and for strength for Scott and I to get through this.

Many hugs to all of you being sent with tear-filled eyes as I read your comments and emails.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009


We had a horrible scare with Kai. He has developed obstructive sleep apnea and was hospitalized as an emergency this morning, after what I thought was going to be a routine doctor's visit.

They immediately started talking about removing adenoids and tonsils, which for a child with a cleft palate, could make the difference of whether he is able to have hypernasal speech or not. It is usually not a good outcome when these parts of the anatomy are removed.

Please, pray specifically for wisdom for the doctors, especially the ENT. He is having a sleep study done tomorrow night. Tonight he is in ICU with monitors tracking his heart rate and breathing. He apparently stops breathing about once every 2 minutes during the night.

Please...please lift my baby up to our Lord and ask for complete healing without surgery.

I just ran home to pick up some videos for him, while Scott stayed at the hospital. My Mom and sister, as always, have been my angels and picked up the slack by taking the little ones. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye to Anna Grace. We were told to plan to be in the hospital at least 3 days.

I am sorry this is so rushed. I will post as soon as I can. Just PLEASE...keep praying.

Thank you. I love you guys!

Monday, March 9, 2009

The Red Envelope Project

What better time to stir the pot a bit then on the eve of yet another disastrous Obama executive order, in which he signed off on still even more death warrants of innocent babies by lifting the ban on federal funding for embryonic stem cell research.

"Our government has forced what I believe is a false choice between sound science and moral values." Obama declared as he signed the documents. Oh yes, Mr. Obama you are so very right. The only thing is that the world has yet to see your moral values. Sadly, this country's traditional values, with you at the helm, is going downhill fast. But, in the midst of the fear and chaos you are bringing with "change", I must admit that you have kept your promises. You promised Planned Parenthood to stand by them, and in the seven weeks you've been in office you signed off on death warrants to innocent lives worldwide. What kills me the worst, is that we, the taxpayers, have NO say in your executive decisions. Our hard earned monies are going to assist in the killing of these babies who will never have a chance at life. That, Mr. Obama, is what sickens me to the very core.

For the Obama worshippers out there, before you rant and rave that I am putting down your (false) messiah and furthermore about the miracles of stem cell research, please do your homework on all of the progress and advancements that have been made using non-embryonic stem cells.

I may not have a say in his executive order, yet I still do have free speech (until you choose to take that away, Mr. President). Free speech which I choose and continue to exercise in my little corner of blog world.

Quite a few of you have emailed me about the Red Envelope Project. I've waited until now since March 31 is approaching to post about it.

Christ (pronounced like "wrist") Otto has been involved in the pro-life movement for over 20 years. Inspired during a prayer, Otto came up with the idea of sending red envelopes to President Barack Obama to protest his pro-abortion policies. This was the birth of The Red Envelope Project. What started out as an email request to 120 of his ministry friends and supporters turned into a nationwide phenomenon that could result in hundreds of thousands of pro-life envelopes heading to the White House.

Otto, 37, wants Obama to receive hundreds, thousands, millions, of empty red envelopes, symbolizing the tremendous loss of lives due to abortion. He stated, “I wish we could send 50 million red envelopes, one for every child who died before having a chance to live,” he says. “Maybe it will change the heart of the president.”


He believes that it’s a small act that could make a big statement.

“People are not going to get into an argument,” says Otto, “They’re not going to stand in front of an abortion clinic. But they are going to buy an envelope and cast this vote for life.”


This is an issue that must be constantly brought to light so that it will not be ignored or forgotten. It is our human nature to instinctively pull away from unpleasant situations. Abortion, infanticide, murder of innocent lives is no exception.

In a few personal emails I had with Christ Otto myself this past week in regards to FOCA he said, "FOCA is really a red herring, its provisions are being slipped into policy memos, spending bills, and executive orders (the executive orders are not being posted on the white house web site although they were covered by the AP and NPR). To pass FOCA would raise so much public attention that the administration is completely side stepping it." That's very evident with yet another one of Obama's executive orders against life being signed today.

Going back to the red envelopes. Someone said to me a few days ago, "Obama doesn't get his own mail. He'll never see the envelopes and may not even find out about it."

Yes, that may be true. Perhaps the President will never see the envelopes, but imagine how many others along the way will. These envelopes will cross the hands of hundreds of postal workers and mail-room employees at the White House, not to mention the emails that have been forwarded world wide. What if just one person’s heart is changed about abortion through this campaign? That to me, is worth it! I refuse to fail without even trying.

I may fail.

But, it will be giving. it. my. all. when I do so.

In this case, it's ridiculously easy to give it my all.

On March 31
, mail one (OR MANY!!!) empty red envelope(s) to:

President Barack Obama

The White House

1600 Pennsylvania Ave. N.W.

Washington, D.C. 20500

On the outside of the envelope, write in black ink/marker:

“This envelope represents one child who died in abortion. It is empty because that life was unable to offer anything to the world. Responsibility begins with conception.”

Envelopes could be purchased at Kinkos or any party store. I purchased mine at Target* and am sending out 20. Can I count on you joining this crusade for life?

*I have received emails saying you cannot find red envelopes. I purchased 2 packs of 10 "Pot Luck Invitations" that came with red envelopes at Target. They were on sale for $2.99. a pk. Yes, I now have 20 invites w/o envelopes, but it's ok. You can also get creative and MAKE your own envelope with red construction paper!


Hey! It's Monday!

Good morning dear friends! It's Monday and that means it's time for me to 'fess up again about what I did not do this week.

So, without further ado, it was certainly not me that went to Kai's first T-ball game and sat there gushing with a melting heart as her adorable little man hit his first single and bolted, with the bat still in hand, to first base. And it truly was not me, that fell in love with the third base coach (even more than I already am) when I noticed that instead of coaching third base he was taking pictures and video, on his Blackberry, of our precious boy scoring his first homerun. (For those that don't know, no need to freak out, the coach is my sweet hubby.)
It absolutely was not me that didn't care if T-ball rules don't include strikes or outs and that everyone gets on base and makes a homerun. I don't even care if it's okay that they pass homeplate and continue to first base again, like little man did, only to have to be turned around and run back to homeplate in order to complete said run. The kids were all adorable and little man was beaming with joy!



Oh, how I love this boy!!
(More pictures coming in a future post).

It really was not me that was in a really cranky, self-righteous, all-out bit*hy mood on Saturday afternoon. Nope, I am always happy, smiling and chipper around my family and friends. I did not leave everyone to do their own stuff and go take a nap, only to wake up and find this sitting on the kitchen counter.


Thank you, baby! You never fail to make me smile!

Lastly, It really was not me that agreed to let AJ go home with my sister on Saturday afternoon because they had built the coolest-of-cool sandboxes in their backyard. No way that it was me that must've moped around all afternoon missing my baby boy and secretly wishing I had not let him leave. No, that wouldn't have been me because that would have been mean and selfish. I knew he was having a blast and why would I not allow him that bonding time with his adored "Ayi" and sweet baby cousin, Seth.

Of course, when my sister called me to tell me that they were planning on going out on the boat with AJ, I was not only worried about my baby being on a boat without me (I was, but I knew he was in excellent hands) but I was definitely not a tad bit jealous that it was a beautiful Florida day and perfect for a boat ride, that I was NOT going on! No siree, it wasn't me that was wishing that she had a boat, although I am always saying they are money pits. Nope. I didn't continue sulking about it until I found something else to entertain me, like some of that yummy chocolate cake that sweet hubby had made.

Thank you, Ily for sharing such fun with AJ this weekend.


boat ride

Sis with her sweet Seth (in the blue vest) and my baby boy, AJ,

For more Not Me, Monday! fun head on over to the creator of this blog carnival, MckMama's blog and check out what everyone else did not do.

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