Leaving the courthouse with our little man on our first Forever Family Day!
I have so much to blog about, but tonight, specifically, my heart wants to share about domestic adoption. I don't know how many of you have watched the show 'One Born Every Minute' on the Lifetime channel and to be honest, tonight was the first time I've watched it myself. My son came running upstairs to tell me it was on and it was about a birthmom placing her twin babies up for adoption. I, of course, immediately flipped the channel to watch. All I can say is, "Wow!" Ironically, the littlest person in this house, our domestic baby, just turned five this week. FIVE!! Rarely is there a day that goes by that I don't think about how God has blessed us. Yet, ironically, the love is so huge that sometimes I forget he wasn't born in my womb. (Actually, that's even happened with my Chinese babies, too! Shhh!!)
What I really wanted to say is that adoption is the most amazing gift you could ever experience. There is nothing in the world that it could be compared to. I have given birth three times in my life. Each and every time it has been a life changing, incredible experience, but it was 'safe'. It was, for the most part, something you prepared for. You knew the outcome, God willing, would be a sweet angel in your arms, after nine months.
With adoption, it's not like that. At. All. Tonight, I am only focusing on our domestic adoption because of the roller coaster of emotions that I was reliving while watching the show.
Your heart soars with every thought that there is this 'chance' that you could bring a baby you've been dreaming about home with you. And a few minutes later, your heart feels like it's going to rip apart because of the fear-filled possibility that the birthmom will change her mind. This cycle happens over and over. A part of you understands, or tries to understand the pain and grieving that she will be going through after that baby enters the world. Yet, the ugly, selfish part of you, the part of you that feels that you could offer that baby everything he or she deserves, doesn't want to have any empathy.
As you wait to hear the news about this little creature's arrival, your mind spins out of control. Between the grandiose dreams of motherhood and the horrible, negative thoughts of being rejected, the spectrum of emotions is so vast that an ocean could run through it.
Then it happens. The moment everyone in this triangle has been waiting for. The baby takes it's first breath of air. He enters the world. I could only imagine the thoughts that go through the birthmom's mind as she hears those first cries. My heart shrivels up thinking about the decision that she will be making.
How can you ever, ever repay anyone for a gift like that? Giving this child life and handing them over for someone else to raise, in my eyes, is the most unselfish act that any woman can ever make. There just aren't enough thank you's in the world that could scratch the surface of how you want to express what it means for you to be given the opportunity to be called "Mama".
While watching tonight, I felt like I was back in that hospital room almost 5 years to the day. Watching the birthmom's pain on the TV set was like watching the pain in our own birthmom's eyes. Watching the anxiety and finally relief as the adoptive Mama held her babies, was like feeling my own anxiety and finally relief as we walked out of the hospital with that baby boy.
If this is just an iota of the love that God feels for us, His adopted children, it's a love that I can't even wrap my brain around. I worship my God. I adore my husband. But the love for my children, all six of them, is an unexplainable, protective love that knows no boundaries. Blood may be thicker than water, but a mother's love for something that has been given to her by God himself is stronger than any human can logically understand.
I am thankful that my heart knows and tells me that these are not my adopted children. These are my children. Period.
I am blessed.
We are blessed.
We are blessed beyond measure.
Thank you, Jesus!
Lord, please, I pray that you abundantly bless our birthmoms that have so unselfishly chosen to say, "Yes" and give life to your most perfect creation, a baby. Our babies. Father God, fill their hearts with your peace knowing that their children are loved and treasured beyond anything imaginable. Amen.