Blinders

Have you ever seen horses wearing blinders?

I've always thought that it was cruel to put blinders on these beautiful animals. I've learned now that it's not cruel at all. In fact, it protects them. Blinders are used to keep the horses on track and focused on what they are doing and what is in front of them. It prevents them from becoming scared or distracted.

About 9 or 10 months ago, I was a bit stagnant in my walk with Christ. I wanted with all my heart for God to push my faith to another level. In fact, I prayed for this. I wanted him to push me to the limits. I thought he'd do so gently. Instead, I felt like he threw me off a cliff.

God does not take lightly what we ask for, especially when He knows darn well the glory it will bring Him.

Almost eight months to the date of having been pushed over that cliff, I've learned that the only way to survive in this crazy, chaotic world we live in, is by trusting. By believing 100%, without any doubts, that when you are being obedient to what He wants from you, he will have your back. When you are still, His glory will be revealed and will shine like the sun for all to see.

He's reminded taught me that I am a stubborn, hard-headed, controlling, kinda girl that sometimes needs to go through the fire to be able to say, "I am lost. I can't get out of this mess without you. I surrender."

He's taught me that those blinders that I thought were so cruel to have someone place on you, were instead a blessing, a way of learning that if I follow Him, I will be on the right path.

He's taught me that only after I stopped fighting Him and surrendered completely, is when He was able to put those blinders on me. It was then that I allowed him to block my peripheral vision (the worldly views). I learned that the only way I could follow and remain focused, keeping my eyes on Him, was when I had those blinders on. I had to turn my back on opinions and thoughts, even from those closest to me, in order to know for a fact that I was following His will and not my heart or my head.

He taught me that even with blinders on, things would still cross my path that would entice me to want to pull them off; things that made me fear the possibility of whether or not I might be blindsided by something.

I had many moments of wanting to rip them off and be a part of "the world." It would have been so much easier that way. I thank Him daily for His gentle reminder that it was He who put them on. It was He who knew that I couldn't make it past all this without being fully focused on where I needed to be, fully focused on Him. It was He that showed me that the only possible way I could be obedient to His will was by wearing these blinders.

He has created many miracles these past 8 months. I look back on them now and say, "Only God could have done that."

He has transformed lives.

He has torn apart relationships and built them new, in Him.

He has revealed depths of emotions in myself, and in those around me that I love, that would never have been revealed had He not allowed this ordeal to happen.

He has shown me to pray.

He has shown me to trust.

He has shown me that only He has the right to judge others.

He has shown me to believe. To believe in His faithfulness and to believe in His Word. To believe in the power of the blood that was shed at Calvary. To not doubt for one second that He has been with us every, single step of the way.

On June 21st, almost 8 months to the day that this all began, it will all be finished. I refuse to accept anything other than the fact that my God, the King of Kings, will be there in full glory to reveal his sovereignty before all involved. I also refuse to believe that anything but His perfect will will be the end result.

I thank Him. I thank Him for throwing me off that cliff. I thank Him for answering prayers. I thank Him for not answering prayers. I thank Him for the ordeal. I thank Him for allowing me to grow in Him.

When this is over, I will be praying for a way to share the full, non-encrypted story without intruding in our privacy, so that you too can be in awe of what a mighty God we serve!

I have pondered again and again about whether or not to go private with my blog, and He has once again affirmed to me that as long as there may be the slightest of possibilities that I can use my teeny piece of cyberspace to further His Kingdom, then it should remain public.

So for now, June 21st, is the magic date. Until then friends, I humbly ask that you continue to lift us up.

By the way, it feels incredibly good to be back!

Our "ORDEAL" continues...

UPDATE: I am saddened beyond belief that what I was hoping to be the end, indeed is not. I thank you all for your prayers and they are appreciated more than you could ever imagine. I will continue to keep you (as) posted as I possibly can. For now, we are looking at another almost 3 more months of uncertainty in our lives.

If you happen to think about us, it would be greatly appreciated if you could say a little prayer for God's perfect will to be done today, Tuesday. He knows exactly what is in our hearts and I pray that it coincides with His will. We are reaching the end.

Thank you dear friends.

Much love,

Reaching the finish line

I've succumbed to the fact that I'm human. I can't do all things, but I can stop and do the few things I can, well.

We are starting to see the finish line when it comes to "The Ordeal".

Prayers are still very much appreciated and immensely coveted.

Maybe one day soon, life will be back to normal and I can get back to blogging regularly on my beloved blog.

Although not vocal, I still pop into your lives once in a while and fill my heart with the jubilant joy of seeing what your families have been up to, especially those of you with such precious sweeties now in your arms.

Much love,

being still and knowing He is God

While I still cannot share openly what is transpiring in our lives, I must say that God is moving in big ways through tough circumstances. He is being glorified. Sometimes that means not answering prayers. Sometimes it means that unanswered prayers are the answers, but we did not know it at the time. Sometimes it means giving us small glimpses of what the big picture, what will magnify Him before all, will be like.

I've learned in the past two months that although we are put into positions where we feel we must take immediate action, actions which were intended in our minds to bring us relief of some sort, can instead be the gas that ignites the firestorm.

In this, I know the Lord allowed the storm. Much like he allowed the storm in order to tests Peter's faith. Wasn't it during the worst part of the storm that Peter walked on water?

He.Walked.On.Water.

A feat that a mere human, without Christ, could never accomplish.

Why was he able to? Because His eyes were focused on Jesus. The second that he looked around at the world, he started believing that the storm was going to defeat him. He lost faith. He took his eyes off Jesus, and he began to sink.

Nothing in my life brings me more joy than feeling God's peace. God's peace is the absence of a troubled heart. It awes me because it is when I am resting in His peace that I most trust Him, especially when it goes against my circumstances.When I am peaceful about something that normally makes me anxious or fearful, it is then that I know that I am walking in His will.

In this situation, my actions have brought forth results that I pray almost constantly will not have irreversible consequences. Yet,with the exception a few select people, my prayers seem to be very unpopular around those that surround me.

Do I take the easy road out and let the world's view lead my heart and my decisions or do I stand firm in the convictions and peace that God, and God alone, has placed in my heart and affirmed time and time again? ("Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27)

Although it is the unpopular decision, I choose to stand firm in God.

He is sovereign. He can use anything that happens to us to accomplish His will. He does not make mistakes.

I don't particularly like the idea of of being persecuted and judged by those around me, but it is my Father in Heaven whom I will be standing before and whom I will be judged by. God allowed the circumstances, but He is far more concerned with my heart and my character than with my circumstances. In fact, with me, I believe circumstances are one of His favorite tools to mold me. He has me grow by putting me into situations where I have to apply what His word says. Am I just talking the talk or will I walk the walk, as unpopular as it may seem to society and the world around me?

I trust in Him with all my heart. I trust that He loves me, my children, my family with a love that I can't even fathom. A love that is unimaginable. Why? Because God is sovereign. He is omnipotent. He is able to turn the most difficult of times around and cause them to work for good, in order to accomplish His will. Every event under the heavens is subject to His scrutiny and nothing escapes His notice. Because of God's sovereignty, Satan's attempt to destroy and create chaos, hatred and havoc have been stamped out. God is slowly taking what was meant for evil and is using it for good.

We are still probably months away from resolving this, one way or another.

Where do I want to be when all is said and done and the dust has settled?

On my knees, humbly bowing to Him as I tell him that I wanted nothing more than to be standing in the center of His will. I wanted nothing more than to know in my heart of hearts that He was smiling down in approval, knowing just how badly I wanted to remain a faithful servant throughout this trial.

I know this post again sounds very cryptic. I apologize. I am struggling to find the words that will give you a sense of what we're going through, without divulging too much information. Someday I hope and pray to share the entire story and God's miracles throughout it.

I do ask for your continued prayers for our family and for all those involved. Prayers for healing and for God's perfect will to be done!

Much love,

'the ordeal" continues

When two or more are gathered in my name, there I am in the midst of them. - Matthew 18:20.

Prayers humbly coveted and greatly appreciated the next couple of days.

OMG! He rocks my world!

The words I type can in no way show the excitement in my voice or can allow you to see the tears streaming down it.

TEARS OF JOY!

TEARS THAT AFFIRM WHAT I ALREADY KNEW!

MY GOD ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just don't understand how people can live without God in their life!

WOW!

DOUBLE WOW! I sit here in complete awe!

Ok, I'll stop rambling. Here's what happened.

Remember "The Ordeal" I keep speaking about that has changed our lives? The ordeal is so complicated and twisted that it could truly be a best selling novel.

A few months ago, through our church, we purchased tickets to go see Casting Crowns. When "the ordeal" broke out, it greatly affected whether or not we could go to this concert for many, many reasons. Since again, my family is first and foremost, I didn't want to be put into a predicament that I would later greatly regret. For almost 3 weeks now, I've prayed and asked God, "Should we go?"

And for 3 weeks now, there's been no answer.

The concert is this Sunday. If I wasn't going to go, I needed to pass the tickets on back to the church to allow someone else to go.

My heart kept telling me that God is going to deliver a message to me at the concert.

But my head (actually satan) kept telling me that we are in huge financial difficulties, that we couldn't afford to go, that it would be disastrous and just add gas to the flames already surrounding "the ordeal".

I am embarrassed to say that as of 9:15 this morning, I was not listening to my heart, but instead was listening to my head. My sister called and we discussed what I was doing with the tickets, even after some encouragement from her, I had almost made up my mind that we wouldn't go.

I figured I'd try one last time and check in with God. I prayed. I told him I wanted to do His will, not mine because I knew that whatever He chose would be the right move.

Again, no answer. I got up from being on my knees frustrated.

I told Amanda we'd be starting her classes in a few minutes, served myself a cup of coffee and went to check my email.

A couple of minutes later, my phone rang. It was a strange number. The caller was from NY.

Hmmm....

I picked up the phone, still feeling frustrated about not hearing an answer about the concert and of course, depressed about "the ordeal".

ME: Hello

CALLER: Ohilda? Hi, this is T. from NY.

ME: Who?

CALLER: T. from NY I read your blog and am on your FB.

ME: Oh, hi! (surprised that I would be getting a phone call from someone who has never called me).

CALLER: I know this is strange, but I was just driving in my car WHILE LISTENING TO CASTING CROWNS, and had a huge urging from the Holy Spirit to call you. I'm not sure why.

ME: OMG! OMG! OMG! (Big tears now streaming as I am fumbling to speak).

Finally, after about 10 seconds and probably T. thinking I was absolutely crazy:

ME: T! You have no idea what you've just done. I feel like it's God calling me Himself. You didn't say, "Ohilda, I had a huge urging from the Holy Spirit to call you". Because if you would have, I would have just thought that the Lord wanted me to ask you to pray for us. Instead, He used you totally and completely. You said, "....WHILE LISTENING TO CASTING CROWNS, and had a huge urging from the Holy Spirit to call you."

CALLER: Thank you, Jesus for using me as your vessel.

(T. feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. This is as accurate as I can recall the conversation through my tears and screaming in your ear!)

After that we chatted a bit, I explained my crazy response and thanked her profusely for allowing herself to listen to Him and following through on the "urge". Many people I know, probably myself included, would not have looked for a phone number and picked up the phone to call someone you don't really know, without a reason and simply say, The Holy Spirit asked me to. What an amazing servant you are, T. He uses ANYONE who is willing to serve Him. Even strangers who live thousands of miles away. In this case, He chose someone who He knew would be obedient to His "urge". He needed His message delivered, "GO TO THE CONCERT!"

He answers prayers. Everytime.

Sometimes they may not be the answer we want or expect. But our prayers never, ever fall on deaf ears.

His word is filled with affirmations of this.


Jer 29:12........ "Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you."

Job 22:27...... "You will make your prayer to Him, He will hear you..."

Jn 15:7.......... "If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you."

and there are so many more!

What a way for me to show my daughter that God DOES answer prayers. And what a way to show her that when you surrender to the King, and allow yourself to be used, He will use you in great ways. T. did just that and I pray that He bless her tenfold for it!

Yes, I am excited because we will be seeing Casting Crowns on Sunday, but I am BEYOND ECSTATIC that I serve, worship and adore the one, true living God who's got my back! I know that I will be going to the concert and indeed receiving that message and He will be there, right by our side!

I LOVE YOU, JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!