THE THANK YOU'S:
First and foremost, to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who has shown us once again that He is in complete control and rules the heavens and the earth.
To my bloggy friends, church family and family who are amazing prayer warriors. To those that reached out in private emails and through phone calls, to those of you who held us up in prayer and stormed the heavens, they were heard! God listened and answered. His truth always prevails and we couldn't have gone through this without you. When I wrote the "Quickie" post asking for prayers, I knew you would all come through. You did! Thank you!
Please know that I've prayed about posting this and knew from the get-go that I needed to. Why? Because it's become my mission, my honor, to glorify God in a way that all could see His works in our life. This little blog is my only way of doing so.
I will not be going into detail, but instead just covering the important parts and how God moved in to battle probably the worst spiritual battle our family has ever endured.
Last Friday, February 13, an absolutely horrible and very, very false allegation was made towards our family and myself in particular. It was so serious that the results could not only break apart our family but bring grave legal ramifications. I again reiterate, that to say that this has been the worst experience of my life is an understatement. My family IS my life.
Immediately after the allegation, investigations were begun by both law enforcement and government agencies. As much as we tried to hide our shock, fear, sadness and frantic confusion from our children, it was inevitable for them to sense that something terrible was happening. We knew in our hearts that God always prevails, but when we are weakest is when Satan tries his hardest to come in for the kill. After spending a weekend trying to go about our normal lives, which included Scott going to work, my life with the kids at home, Amanda's softball game, Kai's t-ball, going to church, etc., we were drained physically and mentally. The fear that struck of our family at the thought of being seperated penetrated my heart worse than if I had been stabbed in it physically.
My husband, sister and mother were solid rocks every time I would give in to Satan's lies and believe that the worst would occur. I am forever grateful to them and I thank God for the man that He has placed in my life to be my husband. There were also 3 amazing women, who know who they are, whom I will always be indebted to for holding my hand throughout the entire nightmare. I was frequently reminded to stay focused on Jesus and to rebuke the evil one and not allow him to take over my thoughts and strike me with fear. This is so hard to do when you are walking through the fire and surrounded by blazes.
Yesterday morning, Thursday, was the final "interview" in which we would learn their decision and the outcome of the entire situation. I awoke at 4 a.m. in a panic attack. I crept out of the room so as not to wake Scott and sat in my office reading, through tears and trembling hands, email after email filled with everyone's prayers and words of encouragement. I can't express how much every single one helped ease my mind. Terryn's comment about following AJ's story and closing my eyes while asking Jesus to make the monsters go away pulled me back to His word. He does want us to come to him as a little child and have the faith of a mustard seed.
"And He said to them, "Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you." Matthew 17:20
We continued to rebuke (and I mean at one point it was some HEAVY DUTY-SERIOUS rebuking!) Satan and keep our eyes focused on Jesus. Then it happened. That peace that surpasses all understanding began to cover my soul. I didn't understand it. I was baffled, but I knew where it was coming from. I knew God was with me. As I read my bible at 5 a.m. in the quiet of the night after an hour of begging God to intercede. It was then that I came across this verse:
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." - Joshua 1:9
He was reminding me again that He and He alone is in control of the universe. Man has no power over Him. Satan fears Him.
By 9:00 a.m., we were on our way to that "last" meeting. I continued to feel peace and kept telling myself that God IS truth. God IS love. And most importantly, God IS omnipotent and merciful. We didn't have to defend ourselves. He would do it for us.
Twenty minutes after the interview began, we heard the words, "The allegations are unfounded and this case is closed!" GOD HAD WON! GOD ALWAYS WINS!
WHY I BELIEVE IT HAPPENED:
I know I don't have to tell my frequent readers about Anna Grace and her attachment issues. I know many, many of you have been keeping her in prayer for months now and we've seen her make huge strides. I, as her mother, have not let one day go by without asking God to make something big happen in her little life that would turn things around. I prayed so hard during her hand surgery that it would be the pivotal point, as it was for Kai, in her healing. Although it improved some, it wasn't drastic and the attachment monster still rears it's ugly head every so often.
I believe now with every fiber of my being that this horribly, tragic event was allowed by God to happen in order to heal Anna Grace. As I mentioned earlier, we tried hard to conceal our fears throughout this mess, but at times, it was inevitable. She saw me crying (a lot). She saw both her Daddy and myself carry heavy hearts and the look of sadness on our faces could not be hidden behind the fake smiles.
On Valentine's day, while at Kai's t-ball game, Anna Grace came and sat next to me instead of playing in the dirt with AJ while I watched the game. She held my arm and sat quietly. Then after a minute or so she said, "Mama, I'm sorry." THAT WAS HUGE! Anna Grace has apologized in the past 20 months since she's been home, but has never initiated an apology. It always has to be prompted by either Scott or myself. I hugged her as my fears of a separation destroyed my heart inside. It was so very bittersweet. But I knew at that very moment that God was working. It was then that I began to realize, and thank and praise Him out loud, for this situation having occurred.
It is now all over. It was a bit strange waking up this morning without that feeling of a "pit" in my stomach and filled with thoughts of what could happen today.
As I lay in bed this morning waiting for the alarm clock to ring so I could wake the kids (Scott had already left to work) I heard footsteps coming towards my room. It was Anna Grace. She climbed on my bed and said, "Mama, my teeth hurts." I looked at her mouth and it seemed fine. She then said, "I lay with Mama." She curled up on Scott's pillow and lay there quietly on her tummy. I reached out and rubbed her back and could sense her becoming a bit rigid (a definite sign of attachment issues when there is quiet intimate time) so I pulled my hand back and just laid there with my eyes closed trying to go back to sleep. A few seconds later, she was so close to me that I could feel her warm breath on my face. I continued to pretend I was asleep. She then gently traced my eyes, nose and mouth with her finger. All this without saying a word. I felt a soft kiss on my forehead and then felt her moving back to her side of the bed. THAT WAS GOD! My daughter is showing love. Unprovoked. I believe now that she realized throughout all of the commotion this week that there may have been a possibility that we were going to be separated. That scared her, although she never verbalized it. I also believe that she saw that through it all my biggest fears were losing my babies and our family being torn apart. She saw the raw and pure love that I have for each and every one of my children, her included, and my husband. She saw that we are a family. And I believe this was the reason that God allowed all of it to happen. I've been praying for something BIG to happen to change her heart. I can't think of anything bigger. Terrifying? To say that word is an understatement would be over simplifying it. But would I go through it again, in a heartbeat, if indeed this is what will heal my daughter's heart forever? Absolutely!
"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you." - Isaiah 43:2
Again, thank you to all of the amaizng prayer warriors that held us up in prayer. We truly are one body in Christ! May He bless your homes and families in abundance.
Thank you again for reminding me, of little faith, that you are indeed the Lord of the Universe. That there is nothing in this world that cannot be solved by you. That we only need to trust with our entire heart and soul. That you love your children more than you loved yourself, proving it to us as your precious blood was shed on that cross on Calvary.
Lord Jesus, I thank you for allowing us to walk through the fire this week. Thank you for not letting us get burned, but instead for using what the enemy thought was going to be a tool to provoke hatred in us and push us away from you, instead has glorified you and shown us again how important it is to pray for those that persecute you. Thank you for opening my eyes and heart and instead of feeling hate, you've transformed those feelings to sadness and compassion. Thank you for sparking the flame of your Holy Spirit that lives within us and bringing us to our knees. Thank you for allowing our faith to grow so much more during this trial. It is when we are most weak that you carry us. There is no doubt that you carried us through the fire, Father and protected us all the way to safety. Thank you for showing us over and over this week that Anna Grace does that the ability to love and trust. Thank you Lord for allowing me the honor of being her earthly Mother. My little frail bird is beginning to spread her wings, ever so slowly. It is through You, and only You Lord, that she will be raised up to soar on eagle's wings and shine like the sun.
You are amazing, my God and although I know I fall short daily, I continue to pray that everything I do honors and brings you the glory that you are so worthy of.
In Your Blessed Name I pray,