I've been pondering what to blog about tonight and went back and forth on a few topics right before going to check in on the little ones for the last time this evening.
I went to each one of my sleeping angels and as customary, pulled their covers up around them, tucked their sleeping buddy (i.e. baby pillow, plushed animal,etc.) into their limp little arms, and gave them one last kiss goodnight.
My little miracles. Words cannot ever describe how madly in love I am with these babies.
Every single one of them hold such a huge piece of my heart.
But tonight, it was my beautiful Chinese princess that stole my heart.
My heart swelled.
As every orphan, her little life before coming into our family was very difficult. Then, probably around the time she was just getting accustomed to that life, strangers appeared and whisked her away into a world where everything that she had ever known was now gone. People. Language. Smells. Food. Everything imaginable in her life changed, in a heartbeat.
As I sat on the edge of her bed, listening to her rhythmic breathing and as always, in awe of her beauty, I thought back on the last 30 months of our lives with her.
I thought about how the miracle of adoption, which started with us wanting to give to an orphan a life they wouldn't othewise have, resulted in us being the recipients of the most amazing gift we could have ever imagined.
I thought about how my precious girl has come such a long, long way.
I thought about how normal our lives are becoming.
She no longer is the little girl that used to stand in the corner of the room waiting to see if she would get invited to join in on the pillow fight or the tickle fest or the stories being read. No, now she's usually the one that initiates the fun or is the one to come running with a story book and ask for me to read it.
She is no longer the little girl that would smell cookies coming out of the oven but refuse to ask for one or accept one because of the fear that an act of kindness may tear down the wall she worked so hard to build around her. No, now she's the one that not only asks for that cookie, but asks for seconds or thirds and walks away pouting (something she'd never do because that would show her feelings) when she's told, "Two cookies are enough."
She no longer is the little girl that would look at me with piercing eyes that reflected a combination of fear of abandonment and a desire to love and be loved. No, now she's the little girl that loudly proclaims, "You the bess Mama in the hold wirl." or "We a family fohevah!"
She's a happy, confident, thriving and loving little girl.
As I sat there, for a split second, I wanted to wake her. I wanted to look into her eyes and tell her how very blessed I am to be her Mama. I wanted to cradle her in my arms and rock her to sleep again. I wanted to make up for the first 26 months of her life that she didn't have a Mama's arms to hold her when she was tired, or scared or just needed cuddling.
But I didn't. Instead, I let her continue to sleep and whispered to her how much I loved her. I softly told her I was the luckiest Mama in the whole world. Then I pulled her covers up to her neck, gently kissed her soft cheek and walked out of the room thanking God over and over for having chosen ME!
Yes indeed, I am the luckiest Mama in the whole world....six times over!