"Once our eyes are opened, we cannot pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act." Proverbs 24:12

“There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.”- William Butler Yeats

Friday, September 4, 2009

justice for little Lavender Banks

Little Lavender 2 weeks after arriving home.

Dear Friends,

I, along with a group of other adoptive moms, have become worried that without a grieving family to push the District Attorney's office, Lavender's case might very well be swept under the rug. We very much want the DA to know that Lavender has a huge adoptive family who grieves for her and just as we fought for her to come home, we will fight to have her voice heard.

In this effort, we have come up with a plan to write the DA's office to expressour strong desire for justice to be served in this case.

Please join us in writing the DA either via the online form by clicking HERE. * You do NOT have to have adopted or even be a Mom or Dad to write. You only have to know in your heart that this little girl was WRONGED and justice needs to be served.

Please have the subject read: "Justice for Lavender Banks".

We have written the following statement to express our wishes to the DA:


Dear District Attorney Jan Scully,

This letter is to urge your office to seek justice for Lavender Banks, who diedon May 2, 2008. Her mother, Sabrina Banks, stands accused of her murder. We, as an adoption community, banded together to support Sabrina Banks when she wanted to adopt Lavender from China. This same community grieves for the loss of Lavender and demands that those responsible for her death be brought to justice. Sabrina Banks has had her time to talk. Now, finally, it is little Lavender's turn.


Please feel free to use this statement and/or add your personal thoughts. We just want to make sure that the DA knows that there are many people who would like to see justice done in this case.

Help spread the word! You are more than welcome to link to this page, post it on your blog, online forums, FaceBook, or any group that you may belong to. We need to show the DA's office how very important this issue is to the adoption community and how much sweet Lavender's life mattered.

Thank you for being a voice for this angel!

must be the alcohol talking

(Please scroll to the bottom to turn off background music.)

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

no matter what

I am proud of the fact that a few of my readers have noticed and mentioned that I don't mince words on my blog. I try to be as transparent and genuinely honest as possible when I write. Whether it's about my family, my opinions, my faith or whatever situation is encompassing my heart at the moment. On the other hand, I'm not naive to the fact that I've probably lost readers because of it, but as I've always said, "It' my blog". It's my place where I go to vent, journal and share in my joys and sorrows. More importantly, it's my little piece of cyberspace where God can be glorified, in good times and in bad.

How do you praise God when illness, financial stresses and the world around you seems to be crumbling, all the while God is being pushed further and further away from society today?

How do you wake up in the morning and thank Him when you hear the news that innocent children are being abused and killed? When there are terminally sick children that seem to have no hope? When families are losing their jobs and homes?

Do you remember THIS post where I shared with you that sweet hubby was going into business on his own? Well, it's been rough. Really. Rough. There's had to be a lot of changes in our home life (Daddy being away much more than we expected), financial burdens that come with the added struggles of being on your own, Anna Grace's attachment issues have once again reared it's ugly head (of which was expected because it's hard for an adult to adjust to all these changes, much less a little one who needs constant stability) and well, you get the picture.

Since we came home from NYC, we've had the pool pump break down, the A/C break down, and this morning to my enjoyment (NOT!) the motor on the garage door is shot. Daddy is out of town. Fortunately, he was able to walk me through how to release the door lock so I could get the car out. What does all this mean? More money to be dumped into a house that's lost 1/2 it's value in the past year and we're living in the mecca of foreclosure heaven. Yes, our little city is the # 1 rated city in the country with the highest foreclosure ratings. But, I've had peace in my heart through it all.

Last night, we learned about a pretty big financial loss that we will not be able to recover. This morning the kids were dressed and sitting in the car ready to head out to school when I pushed the button in the car to open the garage door, only to hear that "buzzing" sound. Tears welled in my eyes. At about that point, I was feeling completely defeated. Satan had me where he wanted me.

I got everyone out of the car while surrounded by a myriad of little voices asking, "Why we not go to school?"...."Why we get out of car?" "Mama! Mama! Mama!" My mind was racing thinking how am I going to get Amanda from school if I can't get the car out? Along with the thought of, "Oh Lord....something else that needs fixing."

But then I stopped. I froze and said to myself, "This is what you're complaining about? Look around you!" He gave me the opportunity to spend a little more time hugging my babies this morning. I took that opportunity and right there and then, I did. I hugged each one of my babies and thanked Him again.

Then, I went to my room, got on my knees and thanked and praised Him from the bottom of my heart. I thanked Him for stopping me in my tracks when I was on my usual fast-paced morning routine. I thanked Him for letting me see and appreciate all of the blessings I've received from Him. Blessings that surround me daily. I thanked Him for my children who are healthy, my marriage that is strong, for a roof over our heads and food in our bellies daily. As I cried, I made sure to thank Him for the most important of all reasons, for being in my life. It is because of Him that I have all these blessings. It is because of Him that I have the strength to handle what comes my way, because it is when I am weak that He makes me strong. "I can do everything through him who gives me strength." - Phil. 4:13

This morning, I was reminded of what an awesome feeling it is to give thanks and praise , no matter what, but especially when your world seems to be falling apart around you. It is then that we can surrender and leave it at His feet. It is then that we give Him room to move in our lives and allow for His will to be done. It is then when he carries us through the fire.

Satan wants nothing more than to watch us wallow in our misery. But our God is so much bigger. No matter what, He will deliver us from the net that has been cast around us. He is always at our side. We cannot predict the future, but we can predict His unchanging faithfulness.

“I will bless the LORD at all times; his praise will always be on my lips."
Psalm 34:1

Sunday, August 30, 2009


May you be giggling in Jesus's arms, sweet child.

Many of you may remember this precious child, Lavender Banks. Lavender came home at the same time our own angel, Anna Grace, came home from China. Her mother, Sabrina, pleaded with the adoption community to rally around her as she fought C*CAA denial to bring Lavender home because they had found out she was black. The discrimination moved just about every heart in the adoption community and letters, phone calls and emails started pouring out. I remember pleading God for her to be allowed to bring Lavender home. In the end, sweet Lavender was united with a forever family.

August 5, 2009, her mother, Sabrina, after a year long investigation was arrested for Lavender's murder. Yes, the murder of her beautiful 3 year old daughter that she fought so hard to bring home. She is charged with committing murder, assault resulting in the death of a child under 8 years of age and endangering a child’s life. I don't understand how she pleaded for help to bring her home, yet disappeared from the community much less plead for help if she was struggling with her?

To say I am angry and in complete shock and disbelief is an understatement. I just cannot wrap my mind around this. Oh, how many families would have loved to cuddle this baby girl and show her the love that she so desperately deserved and left the orphanage for.

Just another reason to thank God again for the privilege and honor to be the Mama to 3 special angels. After reading this news today, through tears I knelt before each one and gave them each a big squeeze, reminding them how much I love them and promising them that they will forever be protected, loved and cherished. Our children are our lives and our biggest blessings. Please give your own babies an extra hug tonight.

Lavender, although you never knew it, you were so loved by many strangers and prayed for by so many. You made a huge impact in your short time on this earth. You will forever be remembered. God bless you!

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