Amazing love...

It seems like it was decades ago that I shared the miraculous story of how AJ became ours.  Yet, it also seems as if those days were just yesterday.  I remember every emotion, down to the deepest part of my very being.  The exuberant joy.  The overwhelming grief.  The fear.  And the mixed raw emotions that allowed us to peek into the very heart of Jesus.  All of these feelings, balled up into what became one huge miracle, a little boy we would forever call our son, A.J., and how he and the woman who gave him life, forever changed ours.

So, if you've not read it before, grab yourself a coffee and sit back, while I share with you our story, written 11 years ago, with God's fingerprints all over it.

March 22, 2006

Today we held our beautiful son for the first time. 

This is our story.

Leaving the house at 5 a.m. to meet our birth mom
at the hospital.

We arrived at the hospital a little before 6 a.m.   With very anxious nerves, Scott and I hugged one last time before entering the elevator doors that would lead us to the "birthing suites".  The thought of reading those two words made my eyes well up.  We walked in and approached the two nurses behind the desk. I said we were Scott and Ohilda Bombardier and that we were the adoptive parents for our birth mother.   The nurse kindly said, "I know exactly who you are!" 

  

I could not believe the day had arrived! We were having a baby!

I looked at Scott and gave him a nervous smile.  I asked if our birth mother was already there, and she said, "Yes."  Then she said, "Follow me and I will show you to your room."  She took us to a typical hospital room, pretty bare with the exception of two side-by-side hospital beds, with a separate small bathroom that consisted of a toilet and a sink. No shower, which was fine.  We didn't want a shower, we wanted our baby.   

After putting our things down, she asked if we wanted to go to the BM's room. Scott and I guardedly nodded and we were led to the other side of the hall across from our room.   We knocked and heard, "Come in".  With shaking hands, I opened the door slowly and walked in to the  "birthing suite".   A very nice room with a sitting area for family.  As we entered, we noticed there were two other people in the room.  One I knew was our birth mother's step-mother, the other was a man.  We had no idea who he was, since to date, we had only met our birth mother.  I went over and hugged her and she said in a cheery, bright voice, "I'm ready!!"   I hope that as I journal through this journey, I can bring forth even a  little of what a magical spirit this amazing young woman has.  God has taken us on paths that have been long and winding, and ones we said we'd never travel, yet here we were, face to face with a birth mother, doing a domestic adoption, and meeting not only her, but her entire family, at her request.  We gave it to the Lord and continued to believe that His plan was perfect.  I had not seen her in quite some time so I was pretty happy to see that her belly was quite large.  :) 

The nurse came in shortly afterwards and asked us to go to our room until she completed some of the prep needed for the c-section.  Scott, the step mom, the "unknown" man, and myself walked back to the other side of the hall and sat in our cold, bare room.   At first, it was very awkward.  The conversation was slow, but it picked up momentum.  After a bit of conversation, I realized the "unknown man" was AJ's birth Dad!   That made my heart leap with joy.   I had a face to tell our son about, and it warmed my heart that he was there to meet the family that would be raising his biological son as their own.   After what seemed forever, we went back to the birthing suite and watched as nurses, anesthesiologist, and doctors came in and out....all in preparation for that glorious moment, the birth of Arthur Joseph Bombardier!  

Less than 1 minute after AJ's biological great-grandmother came in, she sat down, looked at us, and said, "Are you the adoptive parents? Do you mind if I interview you?"    This older lady seemed to be the matriarch of the family.  My knees buckled.  That cold room seemed to  be closing in on us.  My head kept asking me "What are you doing here?" yet, my heart knew that I had to trust God and that our son was waiting for us.  We smiled and said, "Sure!"    Scott and I walked across the room.  I sat next to her on the couch and Scott sat to her right in a chair.  She looked at me dead in the eye and said, "This is very important.  Is this child going to be raised in a Christian home?"  I tried so hard fighting back the tears as I tried to get the words out.  Partly relieved that this was the easiest question in the world to answer, and partly scared to death.....I put my arm on her shoulder and said, "I promise you!  Christ is the center of our lives and the reason we are all here today.  This is our miracle baby and we would not have him had it not been for Him orchestrating ALL of this." She then smiled and said, "That is all I wanted to know.  This baby will be in the home he deserves to be in."  From that moment on, I felt a sense of relief, that all was well and that Jesus was present.  For the moment anyways.   

The plan was, for our bm to stay in recovery for 1 hour with the baby.  The c-section was scheduled to begin at 7:30 am, and if all went as planned we'd be holding AJ in our arms by 9:00 am.  So, as scheduled, she was whisked off to the OR at 7:30, while Scott, her Mom, Grandmother, birth Dad and I stayed in the room awaiting the news of his birth.  The nurse told us we'd hear something in about 45 minutes.   Those were the longest 45 minutes of my life!  Finally about 50 minutes later, her step-Mom walks into the room and announces that AJ has made his entrance into the world.  A beautiful baby boy weighing 6 lbs. 9 ozs. and 18 inches long opened his eyes into the world at 8:07 am.  The BM and he were both doing well, and would be in recovery for another 45 minutes to an hour.  The waiting continued.  Shortly afterwards, it was reported  to us that it would be longer than what we anticipated because the bm wanted to spend time feeding the baby, etc.  

It was then that I let my fears get the best of me.  I had given my camera to the nurses who shot many pictures during the delivery and then others during the recovery period.  As I scanned through the pictures, I noticed picture after picture of the love that this woman had for her child.  Tears streaming and soft kisses in many of the pictures.  Her feeding him, loving him.  The ugly side of me began to appear.  I felt like this was MY baby!  She had said so!  I should be feeding.....I should be kissing.  The very selfish side of me wanted all that she had.  I couldn't bring myself to put myself in her place at that moment.  To think about the pain and the raw emotion that she was enduring at knowing that she had just given birth to one of God's most beautiful creations, and she was going to simply hand him over to another woman.  Selfish me only wanted a baby.... that baby.....again, MY BABY!    

Back in the room, after being told for the 3rd time it would be at least another 1/2 hour, I decided I couldn't take anymore.  Scott kept reassuring me that God was in control, but my faith was slipping.  This was not part of the plan.  We should have had him in our arms an hour ago.  I told Scott we needed to get out and get some fresh air.   We excused ourselves and went down to the cafeteria.  It was about 10:30 am.  There was no way I could eat, I didn't know what else to do but cry.  I called my friend who was reporting back to the wonderful adoption community that was praying for us and begged her to please put out a post that we needed prayers....fast!  My mind was already hearing the words, "I'm sorry!!"  Scott ordered breakfast, and I got a small fruit tray.  We sat down at a booth in the corner of  the cafeteria far from anyone's range of hearing.....and I just bawled.  I cried until there was nothing left inside of me.  My eyes stung and my heart ached.  I just wanted it all to end.....good or bad, I couldn't take much more.  Yet, my rock, Scott, kept saying to me, "Ohilda, how can you even question it when Jesus was sitting on the couch with you?  It could have been anyone.  That woman could have  asked how much money do you have in the bank, instead, she asked about Christ being in our lives?  How could you question that?"  His calm, passive, demeanor was astounding to me, especially as he looked me square in the eye and said, "I don't have a worry in the world.  God is in control!"

I toyed with my fruit for a few minutes longer and felt like I was crawling out of my skin.  I then said, "Scott, let's go back to OUR room.  Let's pray.  I don't want to be with the family.  I want to be alone."   I wanted to drown in my misery without having to hide my emotions.

Again, we went up the same elevator doors that we had entered joyously 4.5 hours before.  As we turned to head towards our room, we noticed even more family members had arrived.  OH NO!!!!  I was getting sick to my stomach.  Before we could dodge out of sight, they had seen us and waved.  We had no choice.  We had to go back.  There were probably 8 people outside of the room speaking, many newcomers who were just being whispered to that we were the "adoptive parents".  I felt like I was being looked at as if we were stealing someone's baby.

Keep in mind, this was ALL me....my thoughts, my fears, my insecurities.  Not one person in that room made me feel that way.  The door of the room was ajar and we knocked lightly on it as we proceeded to walk in.  I enter before Scott and I suddenly freeze.....there she is, the woman who had promised us she would entrust this treasure to us, holding one of the most beautiful babies I have ever seen.  I tried to speak, but words just did not come out.  As I slowly made my way around the bed, my mind raced, it was clouded with thoughts, and through this blurriness I hear the words, "AJ, I think there's a lady who is dying to hold you.  Your Mommy!"  

Our tiny bundle of pure perfection.   The epitome of James 1:17.

I turned to Scott, shame poured over me and I just buried myself in his shoulder and cried...and cried, for what seemed forever..  I sat down in the chair beside the bed as she handed  over this teeny little person, all wrapped up in blankets with the sweetest little face.  His bottom lip was tucked in as if pouting and little furrowed brows surrounded his tightly shut eyes.  I couldn't believe it.  It had happened.  Even after I lost faith, after my shameful thoughts and behavior, after all the negativity, God still loved me, unconditionally.   This was going to be our child.  I was holding our youngest son.  I melted into the surroundings and nothing existed for a moment, but my son and myself.  I couldn't hear anything, or see anyone around me.  It was a moment frozen in time.  It was real.  I was holding our baby!  I then composed myself somewhat as I appeared to have come out of the moment and realized that Scott was also a part of this.  I turned to him and asked....."Do you want to hold him?"  SILLY QUESTION!!  He said, "Of course!!!"   The family was now all in the room, since when we walked in, the nurses had asked everyone to step out except for the birth mom, birth dad, and step mom.   The family was commenting on how beautiful AJ was,  and shedding just as many tears as we were.  The only difference being that theirs were tears of joy mixed with, of course, tears of sadness at their loss.  This family was amazing.  They humbled me.  The love and  support that they offered our bm was one I have seen very few times in my life.  BUT....they shared that same love and support with us.   Every family member told us how happy they were that WE were the ones raising  AJ.  They shared with us that  they felt such peace about it.  That our love for him was so evident that if there had been any doubt in their minds, it was all erased at meeting us.

Overwhelmed with joy and God's goodness!

This added to the shame I felt for my selfishness.  I so wished there was another solution to this.  All I could do was thank them all and promise them, with everything I believe in, that we would cherish this child to our dying breath. Their words...."We know."    We were then asked by the bm, again, this young woman, who's strength and courage could only be admired, if we were ready to go spend family time alone.   I bitter-sweetly nodded and we slowly wheeled our new son, in his bassinet, down the hall into our room.  Little did I know how much deeper God was going to pull me in the next day, and how He would crush the judgmental stigma that I had allowed my brain and heart to believe...

TO BE CONTINUED...

We're Going Green, Baby!

Well, as much as many of you would like to think that I've turned into a tree-hugging, whale-saving, environmentalist, that's not the 'green' I'm talking about.  

When, I say, "We're Going, Green!"  I mean really green.  Green as in a big ole green circle.

LIKE THIS!

And, we're celebrating it!  We're celebrating the green....and the boy who has made it happen.   

None other than our rambunctious, non-stop talking, energy-filled, A.J. 

For weeks now, he's been struggling at school.  He's a straight "A" kid, so academics is not his issue.  It's those darn tickets.  His classroom has a green, yellow, red set-up for behavior.

Green is good.  It's a make-Mama-smile, kinda good.  Yellow is Meh.  A warning.  Treading thin ice.  Then, there's the infamous RED.  That's a dark place.  Thankfully, we've never gone there.

However, that yellow ticket...oh, how that boy seems to bask in the glow of that yellow ticket. 

Man, how I adore that little face!

We've talked, cried, and lost many a privilege over that yellow ticket. Thankfully, things have been improving.  Slowly.  Two steps forward.  One step back. For a while, we had 2 or 3 yellow tickets coming home every week. Then, they began to wither down to maybe 1 or 2 a week.

But, this Friday, before he stepped out of the car to go to class,  I gave him the final day of the week "RAH...RAH....You can do this!" speech.

In the afternoon, I waited with baited breath as I saw him walking towards the car.  He walked slowly, with measured strides.  Head hanging.  Eyes staring at the ground.  

Then, he arduously hopped in the van and made his way to the back, where he plopped down his book bag and pensively looked out the window, without uttering a single word.  

My heart sank.  I said nothing at first.  I began driving away from the pick up line, and then found the courage to muster the words he so often hears. "AJ, how'd you do today?  Did you get a green?", I asked.  He looked down at his feet, contemplating what he would say to me, when all of a sudden, he looked up again! A huge grin had broken out across his adorable little face, and he blurted out, "YES!!!!  I did it! I got a green today!  I got a green every day this week!  I did it!"

We all clapped and cheered and rejoiced.  

Oh, it's the little things in life that sometimes are the biggest, and this was big, indeed!

Just had to throw in some more cuteness for ya!

Congratulations, beautiful boy.  We knew you could do it!

Keep it up!  Go green, baby!  Go green!  Mama and Daddy are proud of ya!  

Time Flies....

One of the biggest pieces of our hearts!

Oh, how we adore this little man!

It's been quite a while since I've updated on how we're doing, and boy, it's been chaotic and crazy and busy.  But that's our life and we wouldn't change it.  The lows allow us to reach for highs, and the highs allow us to see how God brought us through the lows and to the place where we stand now.

Today, I wanted to give a quick update on a very special little man, our A.J., who just happens to turn SEVEN YEARS OLD today.  SEVEN?!!  How could that possibly be?  It seems like it was a just a year or two ago, when we were handed this precious bundle.  Yet, at times, there are days when I can't even remember life without him in it.  Sometimes, I even forget I didn't carry him in my womb, as I said to Scott one night, "Remember when I was pregnant with AJ....."  and he looked at me a bit bewildered.  We both laughed.  I totally had forgotten I didn't.

So, here's where this little man is in our lives right now.  HE IS PERFECT!  He is still definitely, "AJ".  The entire family refers to him as "my little bowl of sugar", because I don't think there's a sweeter little boy on earth.  That is, when he's not running around hog-tying the dog, leaping from the bunk bed as if he could fly or wanting to desperately come over and help cook by tossing some ingredient in when I'm not looking, and then sheepishly saying, "I added some sugar for you, Mama.", when I am making hamburger or something that definitely does not call for sugar.

He is rambunctious and definitely all boy.  He loves to imitate his Daddy and can give you a hundred reasons why it's perfectly okay to go outside without a jacket when it's 35 degrees and raining.  Sometimes, very few...but sometimes, he *almost* makes a little sense.  ;)

He's a star student in school and a math AND reading wiz.  He is very proud of his accomplishments and beams when he is praised.  He has a wicked imagination and his 'stories' can go on for quite a while.  Sometimes, needing time limits before he begins to tell them so that the others can get a word in edgewise.  

He is funny.  Hysterical kinda funny.  He comes up with stuff that cracks me up, usually out of nowhere when we're driving in the car or something.  He has a fantastic memory and if you make a promise, you best be sure and keep it, because he will never let you forget.

He loves God with all his heart and gives me chills many times when he's saying prayers.  He also loves the Bible and soaks up our Bible study every night, remembering details that sometimes I don't even catch.

He's a fanatic for all things electronic and hence the reason those things are under tight control around here.  But, also loves to use his imagination playing and is a pretty darn good artist.  He's created  things from complex leprechaun traps to ingenious ways to have Hot Wheels roll through things from one end of the living room to the other without stopping. 

But want to know what one of my favorite things about him is?  He's a Mama's boy!  Oh yes!   My little man has been sick on and off for a couple of months and he absolutely soaks up the fact that he's in our bed, being snuggled, kissed, hugged and loved on.  That makes it sound like he doesn't get that stuff EVERY DAY - don't be fooled, he does.  He just likes the 'added loving'.

I love that he's told me that when he grows up he's going to live next door with his wife and kids so that he can be close to me, and when there are lightning storms and he gets scared, he'll bring his family over so we can cuddle.  Oh, how I wish sometimes he wouldn't grow up.

So, today, our sweet baby boy is seven years old.  Wow!  Where has time gone?  I wish I could have captured every smile, every tear, every emotion, and every moment and put them in a place where I can rewind them over and over as he grows.  He is growing way too fast.

AJ, thank you for being such a huge blessing to our life.  You are a gift from Heaven and we praise God for his goodness, every day, in giving us the gift of YOU!

'One Born Every Minute'

Leaving the courthouse with our little man on our first Forever Family Day!

I have so much to blog about, but tonight, specifically, my heart wants to share about domestic adoption. I don't know how many of you have watched the show 'One Born Every Minute' on the Lifetime channel and to be honest, tonight was the first time I've watched it myself. My son came running upstairs to tell me it was on and it was about a birthmom placing her twin babies up for adoption. I, of course, immediately flipped the channel to watch. All I can say is, "Wow!" Ironically, the littlest person in this house, our domestic baby, just turned five this week. FIVE!! Rarely is there a day that goes by that I don't think about how God has blessed us. Yet, ironically, the love is so huge that sometimes I forget he wasn't born in my womb. (Actually, that's even happened with my Chinese babies, too! Shhh!!)

I digress.

What I really wanted to say is that adoption is the most amazing gift you could ever experience. There is nothing in the world that it could be compared to. I have given birth three times in my life. Each and every time it has been a life changing, incredible experience, but it was 'safe'. It was, for the most part, something you prepared for. You knew the outcome, God willing, would be a sweet angel in your arms, after nine months.

With adoption, it's not like that. At. All. Tonight, I am only focusing on our domestic adoption because of the roller coaster of emotions that I was reliving while watching the show.

Your heart soars with every thought that there is this 'chance' that you could bring a baby you've been dreaming about home with you. And a few minutes later, your heart feels like it's going to rip apart because of the fear-filled possibility that the birthmom will change her mind. This cycle happens over and over. A part of you understands, or tries to understand the pain and grieving that she will be going through after that baby enters the world. Yet, the ugly, selfish part of you, the part of you that feels that you could offer that baby everything he or she deserves, doesn't want to have any empathy.

As you wait to hear the news about this little creature's arrival, your mind spins out of control. Between the grandiose dreams of motherhood and the horrible, negative thoughts of being rejected, the spectrum of emotions is so vast that an ocean could run through it.

Then it happens. The moment everyone in this triangle has been waiting for. The baby takes it's first breath of air. He enters the world. I could only imagine the thoughts that go through the birthmom's mind as she hears those first cries. My heart shrivels up thinking about the decision that she will be making.

How can you ever, ever repay anyone for a gift like that? Giving this child life and handing them over for someone else to raise, in my eyes, is the most unselfish act that any woman can ever make. There just aren't enough thank you's in the world that could scratch the surface of how you want to express what it means for you to be given the opportunity to be called "Mama".

While watching tonight, I felt like I was back in that hospital room almost 5 years to the day. Watching the birthmom's pain on the TV set was like watching the pain in our own birthmom's eyes. Watching the anxiety and finally relief as the adoptive Mama held her babies, was like feeling my own anxiety and finally relief as we walked out of the hospital with that baby boy.

If this is just an iota of the love that God feels for us, His adopted children, it's a love that I can't even wrap my brain around. I worship my God. I adore my husband. But the love for my children, all six of them, is an unexplainable, protective love that knows no boundaries. Blood may be thicker than water, but a mother's love for something that has been given to her by God himself is stronger than any human can logically understand.

I am thankful that my heart knows and tells me that these are not my adopted children. These are my children. Period.

I am blessed.

We are blessed.

We are blessed beyond measure.

Thank you, Jesus!

Lord, please, I pray that you abundantly bless our birthmoms that have so unselfishly chosen to say, "Yes" and give life to your most perfect creation, a baby. Our babies. Father God, fill their hearts with your peace knowing that their children are loved and treasured beyond anything imaginable. Amen.

Affectionate + Adorable + Adroit = A.J.

Those are just a few words that come to mind when I think about the youngest piece of my heart.

He is all boy, even when he's playing construction worker and stops off for a quick tea party with his sister.



I think one of the many things I adore about this boy is his loud, boisterous, impetuous laugh! He laughs with his whole body and soul and you can hear the roar building up from the deepest parts of his lungs before it spills out.



He can turn on the charm and enchantment likes he's flicking on a light switch. I try and fight it. Really. I do. But when I look into those big, twinkly, hazel eyes, it's so darn hard not to get tangled up in that string he holds around his little finger.



Beneath all the charisma and allurement, lurks a mischievous, playful and coy little boy. One who loves his Mama with all his heart and truly tries to please, but sometimes it's just a losing battle, for both of us.

Oh yes, he gets into everything. Every. Thing.

His direction following is as good as when you release an air filled balloon that hasn't been tied. You never know which direction it's going to take.

I especially love it (well, not really "love") when he breaks something or goes into someone else's things. He usually comes running with a look of pure horror on his face, all the while exclaiming, "I don't know who did it. But "...."'s whatever is broken and I just happened to find it that way. Right now. Really. It wasn't me."

Oh yes, the entire family then knows that it was A.J. who did it. No further investigation is needed. And when he finally 'fesses up, he's been heard saying (on the way to the time-out chair that now has a built-in imprint of his bottom since he's in it so much), "For crying out loud! I did it again!" Hehehehe.

The boy is a hoot. But, honestly, that makes him who he is. Although, he challenges me to the core at times, I wouldn't change a thing about him. Well, maybe just a little.

Truly, the Lord blessed us immensely when he called us to be AJ's Mama and Daddy and it's been absolutely nothing but an honor and pure joy!

Right after this picture (above) was taken, he hopped off of Santa's lap and came running to me with complete excitement in his voice. He said, "Mama! Guess what? I have it all under control! Santa asked if I was a good boy and before I could tell him that it was the old me doing stuff, he started asking what I wanted for Christmas! Mama, he didn't care!"

The raw emotion in his voice believing not only that this was really Santa, but that Santa didn't care about his not-so-great behavior made me almost tear up.

Oh, how could I have burst that bubble? So, I didn't. I shared in his joy and told him Santa was a really good man to overlook the "old" AJ! :)

My feisty little guy is also doing great in school. His favorite subject is bible study. His little face becomes very serious as he grasps each word I read to them during our bible stories. He's inquisitive and tries to make sense of why God does what He does. He loves God with all his heart and says the sweetest prayers at bedtime. I love when he's had an exceptionally tough day behaving but makes sure he asks God to help Anna Grace and Kai be good for Mama and Daddy. Of course, not mentioning himself at all. We gently remind him to not worry about others' behaviors and to ask God to help him be a good boy. Then, with eyes still tightly shut and little hands folded, he includes, "And Jesus, please help me behave a little better." So cute!

It's hard to remember that he shouldn't even be in kindergarten until September, yet he knows all his alphabet, can count to 20, knows all his sounds and is starting on sight words and basic math. He's smart as a whip and has an excellent memory. He can remember things you've told him once, from the previous year, and has an amazing sense of direction. Sometimes to the point that it's scary what he can remember.



What I think I love most about my sweet, baby boy is just that. He's sweeter than sugar and treasures his family. He's definitely a 100% Mama's boy, which of course, makes my heart mush.

I think my favorite part of the day with AJ is first thing in the morning. He wakes up bright and early and drags his sleepy, little body, with tousled hair and crumpled pj's to my bed. Then, he stands on the edge just staring at me. No words spoken. No attempts to wake me. He just stands there. Waiting. I'm not sure what for. But, waiting.

Oh, many, many a times I have woken up and jumped out of my skin because he's just standing there staring at me. Then with the cutest, most sheepish grin he could muster, he climbs onto my side of the bed, wiggles himself onto most of my pillow, pulls the comforter over himself and snuggles in next to me. He always whispers a barefly audible, "I love you, Mama." and within seconds, he's fast asleep. I love those mornings!

I love kissing those sweet cheeks and seeing that impish little face!

He's a great swimmer and has enough energy to put the sun to shame.

Nothing in the world makes him beam brighter than when he is praised for his achievements.

He loves being the tallest of the trio and is strong, lean and muscular.

He is confident, determined, brave and persistent. He makes a great case for himself when caught in the act and he is dauntless. He can go from being rough and tough to being a tender hearted, warm spirited, gentle, soul.

He has an imagination that is unrivaled and can go on for hours extending the story about how this happened and then that happened.

He loves being called Mama's Silly Goose and loves being held like a baby and rocked. I know that in a few years, that will wear off. So, I treasure each time he asks me to "rock him like a baby".

I often tease him when I'm carrying him (all 41 pounds!) by pretending to cry and saying, "AJ! Please! Please stop growing!" He giggles playfully and says, "Mama, I can't! Every time you feed me, I grow."

Oh, this little boy, who I can't believe is going to be five years old in just a couple of months and was literally dropped from heaven into our family, owns a huge piece of my heart. I am so very proud to be his Mama! And the best part is he darn well knows it. ::sigh::

Heartwrenching!

I don't know if many of you have heard about this case, but as I watched the video, my heart shriveled up and tears ran down my face. I believe this scenario is the reason why many adoptive parents choose to adopt internationally. I know for us, it was very high on the list.

If you have read our AJ's story , who was adopted domestically, you'd know that our initial reaction when asked about adopting domestically was "No". Besides the cost, compared to an international adoption, one of our biggest reasons was just that, we knew that the possibility that we might ever lose a child was more than our hearts could bear.

That said, I am so incredibly thankful that God laid out the plans perfectly and that we were obedient to His calling. We not only had a wonderful attorney who informed us of the importance of both biological parents agreeing to terminate their rights, but we were immensely blessed to able to meet both of AJ's biological parents. Then, and only then, after it was clear that everyone was on the same page, did the attorneys go forward with the process.

My heart just goes out to this family. I cannot fathom the thought of one of my children being taken from me after 3 years. While I feel the biological father in this case is legally entitled to raise his son, I think that it would only be common sense on everyone's part, beginning with the judge, to put the child first and give this sweet boy a transitional period, instead of ripping him away from the only parents he's ever known and placing him with a total stranger who lives in a completely different state.

When I see cases like this happening, I sometimes wonder, "Are we in the U.S.?"

I do know that adoption is not for the faint of heart. What do you think?

(Please remember to scroll to the bottom to pause the music player.)

I Couldn't Love You More!

Four years ago today, God blessed us with the most amazing gift, our beautiful youngest baby, AJ. He took us on an emotional rollercoaster that taught me humbleness and humility. But most of all, he taught me how a mother can have such a deep profound love for a child that was not conceived in her womb, but instead, in her heart.

If you've not yet had an opportunity to view our miracle baby's birth video, CLICK HERE!

Oh, how blessed you've made our lives, AJ!

One of my favorite pictures!


Happy baby!

Hurry Mama, before I fall over!

All boy!

An animal lover from birth.

Awww, Mama. He's so cute!

I'm driving...you want me to smile?

That ornery little look that I love!

Move over, Frankie. AJ's the new crooner in town!

Pure joy and love!

AJ, we love you with everything we have and thank God and your birthmom for the priceless gift of YOU!

do you think...

that if maybe, I were as cute as this little guy, and I brought you a rose, you could pretend like it's not true that I haven't been on here in over a week?

Yea, I know. I don't deserve it.

But I got excuses. Lots of 'em. Some are pretty lame believable, too!

Like the night before Thanksgiving, my little man, Kai, had his third sleep study this year. Yep. He sure did. And we all know that's true, 'cause I'd never fib about my kiddos. I'll even share the results with you. When I get them that is. Oh, when is that? Waiting for them to call me to tell me that the results are in. So, we still have time left to pray that his OSA (obstructive sleep apnea) is thing of the past. Although, to be honest, he's been snoring a lot lately and having full-blown conversations in his sleep at night, so I don't think that's gonna be the case.

Then, there was Thanksgiving, albeit nowhere near what our traditional Bombardier Thanksgiving is like, it was very nice and quaint. We had almost all the fixins' we usually have and they were just as delicious. Lots to be thankful for.

Hmmm....what else? Oh yes.

We took another 200 mile each way trip to Shriner's Hospital. Anna Grace still has one more surgery left on her little hand with syndactyly and I was praying hard we could schedule a date during our visit. Alas, it wasn't in the plans. You see, one of the two fingers we were hoping to separate is still pretty small. The Dr. described the bone to be as thick as a pencil lead. With it being so thin, there may be a risk that the blood supply to that finger would not be enough. If that happens and the finger dies, we'd have to amputate it. So, we decided to put her on the "non-emergency" waiting list for surgery. What does that mean? That means we'll be called sometime in the next 11 to 12 months to schedule it. She was bummed. I was bummed. But we know that the best thing to do for her is wait.

I also had Anna Grace and Kai's annual individual education plan (IEP) meeting at school. They're both doing great. Anna Grace no longer qualifies for speech services, but will continue with language and occupational therapy for the next year. As to Kai, he's also doing very well. We'd say he's probably 80% intelligible in speech now, and although he still needs quite a few years ahead of him, he's moving right along with all the other kids that don't have any special needs.

I've also been working hard at the homeschooling with Amanda. We've now settled into a routine and I'm loving the extra time I spend with her. She's got it down pat and is taking four honors classes, along with 2 electives. She studies hard and it's reflecting in her grades (all A's so far!)

Last but not least, Mr. AJ. Oh yea, the boy's got me wrapped around his finger. I am thinking about starting preschool homeschooling for him in January. He's very anxious to learn and I think he's definitely ready for it. I guess I've been putting it off because my last baby starting school would mean that I have no more babies. ::sniff:: But I know I can't be selfish and that there are wonderful stages of growth and learning at every age.

So that's about it. Now that I've caught you up, I promise to be on here more often. I have lots more to share including my new super-duper, leap into the world of technology and our Christmas plans. Pictures full of cuteness coming soon, too!

I miss my blog! I miss my friends! I miss my friends' blogs!

It's time to get back to my new normal life!

P.S. Thank you for all of the emails from you wondering if I'm okay. I am. If I have not responded to your email yet, I will. Soon. Very soon!

Another "AJ-ism"

Kai (as he is shoving his way into the car, he expressed his new learned word "cutting") : "AJ...you can't be cutting people in line!"

AJ (proceeding to push past Kai) : "You can't glue people in line, either!"

Guess who THESE belong to?

Better yet...

Can you guess who's wearing these ALL night long?

If you guessed my littlest man, you are right!

Yep. The one and only, "I'm-a-big-boy-who-wears-undies-to-sleep", AJ, has moved on and left those diapers behind.

It's hard to believe that it was only two months ago that we celebrated his gigantic milestone of switching from diapers to undies during the day. Now, here he is. Dry. All. Night! I wasn't really sure at first, but lo and behold, he's done it. Done it for the past 7 nights!

Way to go, big boy! We're SO very proud of you.

Pretty soon, Mr. Huggies, you'll be out of our lives! Two down....one to go!

germ-a-palooza

Anyone interested in coming over to play?

All three kids (Amanda, AJ and Anna Grace) are being treated for Swine Flu and for Strep. I have a counter covered in meds, 12 different bottles at last count, which included Tami-flu (which is in short supply here and we ended up going to 3 drugstores), antibiotics, Tylenol, Motrin, Cough Suppresant, and nasal decongestants.

Somehow, by the grace of God, Kai has been spared, although he has his own collection of meds he's taking. I picked him up directly from school yesterday and delivered him safely to the germ free haven of Po-Po's house. (Thank you Mom for again being my angel. I know how hard it is for you to drop everything to take care of a little one, and you do it without hesitation. I love you!) I am praying to God that he shows no symptoms later. The doctor discussed with me that if he does get it, he will immediately be hospitalized because of his severe apnea.

At first, I thought, "this isn't too bad." But oh my word,

I. WAS. SO. WRONG!

My babies are so very sick. I've never experienced a child with such a wicked, horrible cough, especially AJ's. Poor baby turns beat red and can't stop coughing. I'm talking for hours on end. Cough suppressant does absolutely nothing. His lowest fever has been 102.2 and it's spiked to over 104 last night. I had him in bed because I was afraid of it spiking and my not realizing it. He coughed all night long.

At one point, in the middle of the night, he shattered my heart when he looked at me with his sweet glassy eyes and said, "Mama, I'm sorry I wake you up."

Anna Grace is not too far behind. Her temperature has dropped into the 101's and her cough, although bad, is not quite to the extent of AJ's. They are both wearing their masks and are in separate rooms laying down watching TV right now. She is a trooper. That little girl's resilience will get her so very far in life. I'm so proud of her and love her so much!

Lastly, my big girl, Amanda. Amanda, the first one to get sick seems to be a bit better. Although she's obviously not completely 100% there yet, she now has only run a low-grade fever and her cough has subsided a bit. Fortunately, she has everything a teenager needs, and it's all in her room, so she comes out of there only to go to the bathroom. She's barely eaten in 3 days but I'm making sure she keeps fluids in, as the other 2 little ones are.

As for me, although tired, I have physically felt better than I have in the last two weeks. I continue to be on my own antibiotics for Strep. But no signs of the flu.

Please, please continue to lift our family up to our loving Father, praying specifically for the following:

1) Complete and quick healing for the kids at home that are so sick.

2) For Kai to continue to be exempt from all of this and for complete recovery from his Strep that he is on antibiotics for.

3) For neither Scott nor I to get this terrible flu. We would both without a doubt be out of commission with fevers so high. My babies need me to care for them and Daddy is our sole provider.

Thank you my dear friends and prayer warriors. May God bless you abundantly for your prayers.

We continue to praise Him in the storm.

Hurray!

No. I'm not a Calvin Klein model.




I'm a big boy that doesn't wear diapers anymore!

HIP, HIP.....HURRAY!!!!

sweet memories with just a lil' bit of bitter

We love this boy SO very much! Words could never express it.

On a warm summer afternoon, three years ago today, we walked into a courthouse in Naples, Florida carrying one of the most treasured gifts God has graced us with, our then almost 4 month old youngest son, AJ.

Minutes later, we stood before a very kind judge who proclaimed that Arthur Joseph, a/k/a "AJ", was our son in the eyes of the courts. In our eyes, he had already been our son, for many months prior. It was a great feeling to walk out of there knowing that the little boy who we fell crazy in love with on March 22, 2006 would forever be ours!

All ready to leave to the courthouse.

Happy Forever Family Day, my sweet baby boy! Our entire family is blessed beyond measure that you are in our lives and I thank God every single day for making it happen!

HE'S OURS FOREVER!

Now for the lil' bit of bitter...


Kai is once again being admitted tonight into the hospital. BUT....it's only for 1 night in order for him to have another sleep study performed.

Two weeks ago we went to visit a pediatric sleep specialist/pulmonologist. I took the reports of his first sleep study. To say that the man turned white when he saw the results is an understatement. Besides blurting out, quite loudly I might add, "OH MY GOD!" when he first opened the folder and read what was on the pages, he ended wth "It's a miracle this little boy is alive!" I knew that.

KAI. IS. A. MIRACLE.

God's fingerprints are all over this little boy.

So friends, I ask you to please lift him up once more tonight. As in the above picture from his previous sleep study, he will be covered in sensors from head to toe, along with some very uncomfortable straps. He's been through so much that telling him that he's going into the hospital again, even after reiterating the fact that there will be "no needles", sends him into a place filled with anxiety. He hates hospitals and has every reason to. I will, of course, be with him all night while Scott holds down the fort at home.

Specific prayers:

1. That he no longer de-sats (or at least minimal de-sats so that intervention is not required; i.e. another surgery, c-pap) during the night.

2. That he be at peace as we settle in and while they prepare him for the study.

Thank you again, from the bottom of our hearts, for your prayers! Results for the study take approximately 4 weeks. (ugh!)

I will not be taking my laptop but I will be posting an update tomorrow.

one lucky dog

Yesterday while I was in our office, the boys were watching TV or at least one of them was. I knew something was up when a couple of minutes had transpired with complete and total silence.

I peeked into the family room and there sat Kai, mesmerized by Scooby-Doo. Not one of my favorites for them to watch, but Amanda got them hooked and I actually prefer it to the obnoxious Sponge Bob. AJ was nowhere in sight.

I tiptoed through the house, as I often do, in order to catch him in the act! When I was walking toward my bedroom, I noticed AJ was kneeling with eyes closed before a little table where I do all my praying. I quickly grabbed my camera and snapped the shot said, "AJ. What are you doing?" He turned towards me and in a very serious tone responded with, "Mama! I'm praying for Jesus to take the zombies away from Scooby-Doo!"

I LOVE THAT BOY!!!!!!!!!