While I still cannot share openly what is transpiring in our lives, I must say that God is moving in big ways through tough circumstances. He is being glorified. Sometimes that means not answering prayers. Sometimes it means that unanswered prayers are the answers, but we did not know it at the time. Sometimes it means giving us small glimpses of what the big picture, what will magnify Him before all, will be like.
I've learned in the past two months that although we are put into positions where we feel we must take immediate action, actions which were intended in our minds to bring us relief of some sort, can instead be the gas that ignites the firestorm.
In this, I know the Lord allowed the storm. Much like he allowed the storm in order to tests Peter's faith. Wasn't it during the worst part of the storm that Peter walked on water?
A feat that a mere human, without Christ, could never accomplish.
Why was he able to? Because His eyes were focused on Jesus. The second that he looked around at the world, he started believing that the storm was going to defeat him. He lost faith. He took his eyes off Jesus, and he began to sink.
Nothing in my life brings me more joy than feeling God's peace. God's peace is the absence of a troubled heart. It awes me because it is when I am resting in His peace that I most trust Him, especially when it goes against my circumstances.When I am peaceful about something that normally makes me anxious or fearful, it is then that I know that I am walking in His will.
In this situation, my actions have brought forth results that I pray almost constantly will not have irreversible consequences. Yet,with the exception a few select people, my prayers seem to be very unpopular around those that surround me.
Do I take the easy road out and let the world's view lead my heart and my decisions or do I stand firm in the convictions and peace that God, and God alone, has placed in my heart and affirmed time and time again? ("Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27)
Although it is the unpopular decision, I choose to stand firm in God.
He is sovereign. He can use anything that happens to us to accomplish His will. He does not make mistakes.
I don't particularly like the idea of of being persecuted and judged by those around me, but it is my Father in Heaven whom I will be standing before and whom I will be judged by. God allowed the circumstances, but He is far more concerned with my heart and my character than with my circumstances. In fact, with me, I believe circumstances are one of His favorite tools to mold me. He has me grow by putting me into situations where I have to apply what His word says. Am I just talking the talk or will I walk the walk, as unpopular as it may seem to society and the world around me?
I trust in Him with all my heart. I trust that He loves me, my children, my family with a love that I can't even fathom. A love that is unimaginable. Why? Because God is sovereign. He is omnipotent. He is able to turn the most difficult of times around and cause them to work for good, in order to accomplish His will. Every event under the heavens is subject to His scrutiny and nothing escapes His notice. Because of God's sovereignty, Satan's attempt to destroy and create chaos, hatred and havoc have been stamped out. God is slowly taking what was meant for evil and is using it for good.
We are still probably months away from resolving this, one way or another.
Where do I want to be when all is said and done and the dust has settled?
On my knees, humbly bowing to Him as I tell him that I wanted nothing more than to be standing in the center of His will. I wanted nothing more than to know in my heart of hearts that He was smiling down in approval, knowing just how badly I wanted to remain a faithful servant throughout this trial.
I know this post again sounds very cryptic. I apologize. I am struggling to find the words that will give you a sense of what we're going through, without divulging too much information. Someday I hope and pray to share the entire story and God's miracles throughout it.
I do ask for your continued prayers for our family and for all those involved. Prayers for healing and for God's perfect will to be done!