A Do-Over: Chinese Royalty Visit Local Park

**This post was written for the photography blog, so for those of you folks that have already seen this, my apologies.

Lately, I've been struggling about how to add more hours to my day. Life is so crazy, busy at the Bombardier household between school, work, and play that it's getting tougher and tougher to keep up with my old therapeutic buddy, my blog.

So, I thought I wouldn't keep you waiting any longer and would post a few pics from one of our visits to the park the other day. These two little critters make me smile....A LOT! I'm sure they'll do the same to you.**

After running errands with the Chinese Royalty, they begged to go to the park.

Knowing that they could definitely use the release of some energy, I obliged. Not to mention the fact that I, of course, had my camera with me and what a better opportunity to take pictures than at a park with two of my babes.

So, they jumped,

and they swung,

and they slid,

and they climbed.

They played games,

and they giggled.

They took a candy break.

and like all siblings, had to compare whose tongue was greener and whose lollipop was licked the most.

Then they tried to decipher graffiti ancient Hieroglyphic writings.

It was an afternoon filled with fun...

and love.



What a perfect way to spend the day!

Snapshot Sunday: It's all about Anna Grace!

I haven't had much time to blog with the holidays and all the craziness, but today as I was editing pictures, I decided to join Stefanie's Sunday Snapshot and include a picture that I absolutely love, of Anna Grace. Well, of course, this Mama's heart can't always settle on just one picture when it comes to her kiddos, so I decided to give you all a much anticipated update on our girl. (Don't fret...I will do the same for each of the other kiddos also!)

So, today, it's All About Anna Grace!

Be still my heart....

Little elf helping put up the Christmas decorations. Oh, and the blue lips and mouth? That was courtesy of the ring pops Daddy has gotten into the habit of bringing home. :)

Helping Mama bake yummy Christmas cookies!

On January 4, my darling girl had another hand surgery done. We are praying for positive results, which shall be known on Thursday, Jan. 13, when we return to Shriners.

She wanted to make sure that I took a bottle of pink nail polish to the hospital to paint her piggies the same color as her cast. Of course, Mama obliged. Here she is with perfectly polished toesies, just 3 hours after surgery.

Her first set of baby teeth that were loose had to be pulled by the dentist a few days before surgery because they were afraid they'd snap off when they intubated her. The tooth fairy paid double for this. ;)

Of course, all Princesses need beautiful, curly hair, so we decided to go all out and get spongey curlers to achieve the perfect look. As you can see in the first picture, voila....Princess hair!

Having breakfast on some very cool plates Santa brought!

Is that the cutest little Indian ever? The boys were Pilgrims on Thanksgiving and she wanted to be the female version of "Squanto", since we had learned about him at school.

So, where do I start? I think of the little ones, Anna Grace is the one that has changed the most over the past six to eight months. She has continued to grow like a weed (she is 75 percentile in height on the AMERICAN CHARTS!!) but this Cuban Mama thinks she looks like a beanpole she is so thin. I took her to the doctor and the doctor reassured me that she is fine and that the reason she looks so thin is because she is so tall. Thankfully, I have a latin doctor who agreed to appease me and prescribed an appetite increaser. She's now eating us out of house and home. Heh.

Not only is she growing physically, but she has matured by leaps and bounds.

She had 2 adult teeth grow in right behind her baby teeth on the bottom. This occurred just weeks before her scheduled hand surgery at Shriners. When the doctors up at Shriner's saw that the baby teeth were beginning to loosen up, they recommended having them pulled so that they wouldn't break off during intubation. So, off we went to the dentist. My girl was so brave! They gave her a small bit of laughing gas and did their job. She didn't budge. Her courageousness was well rewarded by the tooth fairy that night and she woke up a very happy camper!

In school, she's been storming through her workbooks. She's actually doing mostly first grade work and while she is reading well, her strong area is definitely math. So much so that during our timed math tests, she surpasses Kai, completing approximately 30 problems in 2 minutes! She can count by 2's and by 5's and count forward and backwards from 100. I am so very proud of her! She now can write sentences and point out nouns and plural nouns in sentences, too! She recites scripture better than the boys and can remember not only the scripture, but the book and the verse, too. She is competitive by nature and while not very verbal about it, you can see the fire in her eyes. Then, she sits back and waits for the accolades to rain down beefore hamming it up! Pretty funny.

As to her attachment issues, we continue to make strides. Sometimes it's 3 steps forward and 2 steps back, but we are moving along. Like last time, the surgery helped reassure her that Mama was here to stay. We went up to Tampa, just she, Daddy and I. She was very insistent on sleeping with me the night before surgery and asked many, many times if I would be there when she woke up. I, of course, said yes to all of her requests and was the first face she saw when she opened her eyes in the recovery room. She then slept in our bed the first few days after surgery, until I was comfortable that she was no longer in pain. Then, I moved her back to her bed, saving me from receiving quite a few middle-of-the-night smacks in the face with a rock hard cast.

We continue lifting her up in prayer because one of the fingers that they worked on, the surgeon was a bit fearful might not survive, due to lack of blood flow. He told us he was giving it a chance, but if obviously the finger died, or any part of it would turn black, she would need to have it amputated. My heart is heavy for her because I know she was so looking forward to having 5 little fingers, but I also know how resilient and tenacious she is.

God has huge plans for this little girl and we firmly believe that she will achieve them all, for His glory. On the 13th (next Thursday) we return for the cast to be removed so they can see how the healing is progressing. If all is well, a new cast will be put on and we're done. If there is not sufficient blood supply to the finger, then we will schedule another surgery to have it removed. Please, if you are reading this and she comes to mind, would you say a little prayer for her?

Other than that, she's doing great! She is feisty, bossy, stubborn, mischevious, sweet, loving, gentle and caring all rolled up into one! She loves all things girly and is really beginning to learn to nurture her "babies". She understands what a "Mama's role" is and often talks about when she grows up she will live in the house next to Daddy and I, so she can visit us everyday with her babies. Yes, this coming from the same little girl that a year ago would have taken off running with a stranger if things were not going her way. She now looks forward to our Mommy dates and comes back and tells the boys about the special things that only Mamas and daughters could do.

I have been blessed infinitely with this precious treasure and thank God every day for placing her in our lives. I love her so much and am so very proud of how far she's come. God's wisdom is beyond anything I could ever comprehend. How could He possibly know that this little girl would fit seamlessly into our family? Because He's God! And I believe when all is said and done and I am an old lady with an empty nest, Anna Grace's bond with me will be just as strong as each one of my other blessings, if not stronger. That thought, makes me smile BIG!

Double Special! - Sunday Snapshot

This is a very special picture. When we went to visit my Mom a few weeks back, she said, "I found this dress that your grandmother had made for a life size doll I had over 40 years ago. I was thinking that it may fit Anna Grace." Sure, enough! It fit her thin, very tall body, perfectly!

I know I'm a bit biased, but the fact that our beautiful Chinese Princess is wearing something that my beloved grandmother made for my Mom over 40 years ago, makes it "Double Special", as Anna Grace said!

Right about now, my grandmother must be wearing a great big smile as she looks down upon us from Heaven.

Just when I thought she couldn't get cuter....

She went and did this:

Yes, our Chinese princess is sporting glasses!

What do you think? Cute, huh?

you've come a long way, baby!

I've been pondering what to blog about tonight and went back and forth on a few topics right before going to check in on the little ones for the last time this evening.

I went to each one of my sleeping angels and as customary, pulled their covers up around them, tucked their sleeping buddy (i.e. baby pillow, plushed animal,etc.) into their limp little arms, and gave them one last kiss goodnight.

My little miracles. Words cannot ever describe how madly in love I am with these babies.

Every single one of them hold such a huge piece of my heart.

But tonight, it was my beautiful Chinese princess that stole my heart.

As I tucked her in, she quickly reached out and in her sleep, held my hand, opened her eyes and smiled when she saw it was me. Then, just as quickly, she immediately closed them again and fell back to sleep.

My heart swelled.

As every orphan, her little life before coming into our family was very difficult. Then, probably around the time she was just getting accustomed to that life, strangers appeared and whisked her away into a world where everything that she had ever known was now gone. People. Language. Smells. Food. Everything imaginable in her life changed, in a heartbeat.

As I sat on the edge of her bed, listening to her rhythmic breathing and as always, in awe of her beauty, I thought back on the last 30 months of our lives with her.

I thought about how the miracle of adoption, which started with us wanting to give to an orphan a life they wouldn't othewise have, resulted in us being the recipients of the most amazing gift we could have ever imagined.

I thought about how my precious girl has come such a long, long way.

I thought about how normal our lives are becoming.

She no longer is the little girl that used to stand in the corner of the room waiting to see if she would get invited to join in on the pillow fight or the tickle fest or the stories being read. No, now she's usually the one that initiates the fun or is the one to come running with a story book and ask for me to read it.

She is no longer the little girl that would smell cookies coming out of the oven but refuse to ask for one or accept one because of the fear that an act of kindness may tear down the wall she worked so hard to build around her. No, now she's the one that not only asks for that cookie, but asks for seconds or thirds and walks away pouting (something she'd never do because that would show her feelings) when she's told, "Two cookies are enough."

She no longer is the little girl that would look at me with piercing eyes that reflected a combination of fear of abandonment and a desire to love and be loved. No, now she's the little girl that loudly proclaims, "You the bess Mama in the hold wirl." or "We a family fohevah!"

She's a happy, confident, thriving and loving little girl.

As I sat there, for a split second, I wanted to wake her. I wanted to look into her eyes and tell her how very blessed I am to be her Mama. I wanted to cradle her in my arms and rock her to sleep again. I wanted to make up for the first 26 months of her life that she didn't have a Mama's arms to hold her when she was tired, or scared or just needed cuddling.

But I didn't. Instead, I let her continue to sleep and whispered to her how much I loved her. I softly told her I was the luckiest Mama in the whole world. Then I pulled her covers up to her neck, gently kissed her soft cheek and walked out of the room thanking God over and over for having chosen ME!

Yes indeed, I am the luckiest Mama in the whole world....six times over!

do you think...

that if maybe, I were as cute as this little guy, and I brought you a rose, you could pretend like it's not true that I haven't been on here in over a week?

Yea, I know. I don't deserve it.

But I got excuses. Lots of 'em. Some are pretty lame believable, too!

Like the night before Thanksgiving, my little man, Kai, had his third sleep study this year. Yep. He sure did. And we all know that's true, 'cause I'd never fib about my kiddos. I'll even share the results with you. When I get them that is. Oh, when is that? Waiting for them to call me to tell me that the results are in. So, we still have time left to pray that his OSA (obstructive sleep apnea) is thing of the past. Although, to be honest, he's been snoring a lot lately and having full-blown conversations in his sleep at night, so I don't think that's gonna be the case.

Then, there was Thanksgiving, albeit nowhere near what our traditional Bombardier Thanksgiving is like, it was very nice and quaint. We had almost all the fixins' we usually have and they were just as delicious. Lots to be thankful for.

Hmmm....what else? Oh yes.

We took another 200 mile each way trip to Shriner's Hospital. Anna Grace still has one more surgery left on her little hand with syndactyly and I was praying hard we could schedule a date during our visit. Alas, it wasn't in the plans. You see, one of the two fingers we were hoping to separate is still pretty small. The Dr. described the bone to be as thick as a pencil lead. With it being so thin, there may be a risk that the blood supply to that finger would not be enough. If that happens and the finger dies, we'd have to amputate it. So, we decided to put her on the "non-emergency" waiting list for surgery. What does that mean? That means we'll be called sometime in the next 11 to 12 months to schedule it. She was bummed. I was bummed. But we know that the best thing to do for her is wait.

I also had Anna Grace and Kai's annual individual education plan (IEP) meeting at school. They're both doing great. Anna Grace no longer qualifies for speech services, but will continue with language and occupational therapy for the next year. As to Kai, he's also doing very well. We'd say he's probably 80% intelligible in speech now, and although he still needs quite a few years ahead of him, he's moving right along with all the other kids that don't have any special needs.

I've also been working hard at the homeschooling with Amanda. We've now settled into a routine and I'm loving the extra time I spend with her. She's got it down pat and is taking four honors classes, along with 2 electives. She studies hard and it's reflecting in her grades (all A's so far!)

Last but not least, Mr. AJ. Oh yea, the boy's got me wrapped around his finger. I am thinking about starting preschool homeschooling for him in January. He's very anxious to learn and I think he's definitely ready for it. I guess I've been putting it off because my last baby starting school would mean that I have no more babies. ::sniff:: But I know I can't be selfish and that there are wonderful stages of growth and learning at every age.

So that's about it. Now that I've caught you up, I promise to be on here more often. I have lots more to share including my new super-duper, leap into the world of technology and our Christmas plans. Pictures full of cuteness coming soon, too!

I miss my blog! I miss my friends! I miss my friends' blogs!

It's time to get back to my new normal life!

P.S. Thank you for all of the emails from you wondering if I'm okay. I am. If I have not responded to your email yet, I will. Soon. Very soon!

i know....i know

I promised pictures and pictures you will get. Soon. But it's been tough
keeping up with the sick kiddos.

Anna Grace was back at the doctor's yesterday. She tested positive for Influenza A.
Her fever yesterday skyrocketed to 104.9. Scared the bejeezus out of me. Her high fever is now accompanied by vomiting and diarrhea. Poor baby is feeling miserable and not eating at all. I am managing to have her keep down some Gatorade and popsicles. She was skinny to start with, you could just imagine now.

My sweet girl is quarantined in our bedroom, which I know she doesn't mind, since she's got the TV, toys and Mama's attention all to herself. Although she may not even realize it because all she's done is sleep.

I say it every time, but as I imagine any Mama would feel, I just hate when my kiddos are sick.

Kai managed to get over his afflictions and only has a bit of a lingering cough. Fortunately, he's not contagious since he no longer has a fever. He's back at school.

AJ and Amanda have remained in the all-clear zone. My big guy, Adam (the younger one, not the groom) is home with a fever, too.

Please pray that our little girl recover soon and that the rest of us get through this without any more illnesses.

It's been a tough year for the Bombardiers. Is it 2010 yet?

germ-a-palooza

Anyone interested in coming over to play?

All three kids (Amanda, AJ and Anna Grace) are being treated for Swine Flu and for Strep. I have a counter covered in meds, 12 different bottles at last count, which included Tami-flu (which is in short supply here and we ended up going to 3 drugstores), antibiotics, Tylenol, Motrin, Cough Suppresant, and nasal decongestants.

Somehow, by the grace of God, Kai has been spared, although he has his own collection of meds he's taking. I picked him up directly from school yesterday and delivered him safely to the germ free haven of Po-Po's house. (Thank you Mom for again being my angel. I know how hard it is for you to drop everything to take care of a little one, and you do it without hesitation. I love you!) I am praying to God that he shows no symptoms later. The doctor discussed with me that if he does get it, he will immediately be hospitalized because of his severe apnea.

At first, I thought, "this isn't too bad." But oh my word,

I. WAS. SO. WRONG!

My babies are so very sick. I've never experienced a child with such a wicked, horrible cough, especially AJ's. Poor baby turns beat red and can't stop coughing. I'm talking for hours on end. Cough suppressant does absolutely nothing. His lowest fever has been 102.2 and it's spiked to over 104 last night. I had him in bed because I was afraid of it spiking and my not realizing it. He coughed all night long.

At one point, in the middle of the night, he shattered my heart when he looked at me with his sweet glassy eyes and said, "Mama, I'm sorry I wake you up."

Anna Grace is not too far behind. Her temperature has dropped into the 101's and her cough, although bad, is not quite to the extent of AJ's. They are both wearing their masks and are in separate rooms laying down watching TV right now. She is a trooper. That little girl's resilience will get her so very far in life. I'm so proud of her and love her so much!

Lastly, my big girl, Amanda. Amanda, the first one to get sick seems to be a bit better. Although she's obviously not completely 100% there yet, she now has only run a low-grade fever and her cough has subsided a bit. Fortunately, she has everything a teenager needs, and it's all in her room, so she comes out of there only to go to the bathroom. She's barely eaten in 3 days but I'm making sure she keeps fluids in, as the other 2 little ones are.

As for me, although tired, I have physically felt better than I have in the last two weeks. I continue to be on my own antibiotics for Strep. But no signs of the flu.

Please, please continue to lift our family up to our loving Father, praying specifically for the following:

1) Complete and quick healing for the kids at home that are so sick.

2) For Kai to continue to be exempt from all of this and for complete recovery from his Strep that he is on antibiotics for.

3) For neither Scott nor I to get this terrible flu. We would both without a doubt be out of commission with fevers so high. My babies need me to care for them and Daddy is our sole provider.

Thank you my dear friends and prayer warriors. May God bless you abundantly for your prayers.

We continue to praise Him in the storm.

thump...thump....thump...thump

That's the sound of my heart beating. Racing actually, as I think about this precious gift God has blessed me with.

Every dark cloud has a silver lining. Every sadness comes with joy in the morning.

As many of you know, sweet hubby's new job takes him away much more than we like and much more than we expected. I miss him in a big way and so do the kids.

But as Scott said in his post yesterday, "God's plan is amazing!" While we are missing Daddy, God knew it was more important to push Anna Grace's attachment to me to another level. I believe Sweet Hubby's new business endeavor entailed a lot more in God's plan than just financial provision. He's created the time for our bonding to grow.

Our girl's been sleeping in her own bed since two weeks after coming home from China. She didn't sleep well with us, which in turn made us not sleep well either. So, I gave in and let her sleep in her bed.

Now that Daddy's away, I've asked her to be my buddy at night. A special treat since the kiddos really only sleep with us when they are sick. Twice I've been awakened by her little hand on my face. I've opened my eyes and found her within inches from me, just staring at me, as if she were in different world. Staring at me with love in her eyes. What an awesome gift to wake up to!

Tonight after putting on her pj's, she asked me if she could sleep in my bed again. I scooped her up and whispered, "Of course! You're my baby girl!" She smiled and put her head on my shoulder as I carried her to the bed. I then said to her, "Anna Gracie, ssshhh.....Don't tell the boys!" She loves when she can do something special that the boys can't do. She giggled and responded with, "You the best Mama in the whole whirl!"

I've now been laying next to her, watching her sleep for about an hour. My thoughts traveled back to China. To that day 27 months ago when I held a scared little girl who seemed to hate everything about me. I then thought about the months that have transpired after that. The intensity of her attachment issues and how hard she's fought to get me to push her away, to reject her, to give up on her. We've struggled at times, but I've always reassured her that I will never, ever give up on her.

The night's also brought many thoughts of my persistence in telling her that it didn't make a difference how much she hated me, how badly she treated me, how badly she misbehaved, the bottom line is that, she is our daughter and always will be. We may not love what she does, but we love her. That will never change.

I think about each time I remind her (sometimes 2 and 3 times a day) that God created her especially for our family and that's where she belongs and where she's always going to stay. Many times, there's no response, except for the faint little breath of relief that she emits as she exhales, and the tension releases from her little shoulders. Her body relaxes and she feels secure. Words don't say it, but it's written all over her. She knows she's home.

Tonight has made my heart soar when I think about how much I love my beautiful baby girl. Twenty seven months ago, we were two strangers, both scared of what the future held for us.

Today we are Mother and Daughter. For better or worse, love has no boundaries. We're not at the end, but we're walking through the valleys and the mountains together.

Anna Grace, I love you more than you could ever imagine and I thank God he chose me over all the women in the world, to be your Mama!

here we go

Back to school again.

Although I have lots to share about our NY trip, including a big scare on the subway, a 10 hour trip home and tons of pictures, I just couldn't pass up on sharing this morning's events, cuteness and goodbyes.

They're growing so fast. I miss having them home.

I can hardly believe my big boy is in kindergarten this year!



My girl was all smiles leaving the house and ready to go to her last year of preschool!

OK. I know. I'm biased. But aren't they full of sweetness?

After arriving at school, we headed off to drop off Kai at his classroom first. Since we were out of town last week, we missed Open House so he hadn't had a chance to meet his new teacher. I was anticipating he'd be nervous. But nope. He walked in after saying, "Good marnin" and found his name on his desk. Quickly he settled in and before I knew it, he was saying, "Bye Mama". I was really a bit anxious about whether or not his teacher would have enough patience to understand him, but calmed down soon after meeting her. She seemed very sweet. I hugged my big boy with a quivering lip (mine not his) and allowed my tears to be dried by his shirt as his little arms wrapped around me. He sweetly said, "It's OK, Mama!" Then he kissed AJ and Anna Grace goodbye and we were off to drop off Anna Grace at her PK class.

Anna Grace is blessed again this year to have the same wonderful teacher she's had for the past 2 years, so I thought it would be easy for her.

Wrong.

Although I tried to explain to them over the past month that Kai and she would be in different classrooms now because Kai was going to kindergarten, I guess it didn't compute. Her entire demeanor changed the second she realized she was not staying in Kai's classroom. I lost all eye contact and she would not respond to my questions. We talked, or shall I say I talked, for a bit while we were alone in her classroom waiting for her teacher, but she had that you-betrayed-me look in her eye. Shortly afterwards, more kids started coming into the room as well as her teacher and the teacher's assistant. The teacher asked Anna Grace about vacation and after some nudging she reluctantly responded.

AJ hopped out of his stroller and went to play and Anna Grace soon followed. She was a bit more at ease. I called her over and asked her for a hug and kiss goodbye. She swung around with no eye contact and sighing heavily said, "OOOO-KAAAYY". She allowed me to kiss her and hug her, but did not show much emotion. Change is hard for her. She's been home for two months and was adjusting after a rough beginning at home, now we're back to school. I think she'll be fine, but it's a process and she has to again learn to trust that school is not a "permanent home". By the time I left, she had gone back to playing.

We swung around to Kai's class once more and he happened to glance out the doorway just as we walked by. A huge grin spread across his face as he shouted, "Hi Mama!", blew me a kiss and quickly began coloring again.

They grow so fast.

Where did all my babies go?

such a sweet sound

I'm giving you fair warning. Some of you may think that this post is a bit warped, but unless you've walked in the shoes of someone who's been raising a child with moderate to severe attachment issues, I don't think you will appreciate the joy in it.

I titled this post Such A Sweet Sound.

You may ask what sweet sound am I talking about.

Children laughing? No.

Children playing? No.

Actually, the opposite end of the spectrum. I'm referring to the sounds that I heard on the telephone late last night after dropping off Anna Grace to spend two fun-filled days with her Po-Po. It was the sweet sound of a hysterical, crying child.

Shortly after 10:00 p.m., I received a call from my Mom (who had only had Anna Grace for maybe two hours). She said, "Anna Grace is hysterical crying! I don't know what to do." I responded with, "Crying? Are you sure?" I know. Stupid question, but this is a child that rarely cries unless it's being done in order to manipulate a situation. Something we've all learned she uses as a manipulation tool because of her attachment issues.

My Mom said, "Of course, I'm sure. I put her to bed, kissed her goodnight and tucked her in. She was fine." I was outside the room watching TV and a few minutes later heard a whimpering sound. I went into the room and asked her what's wrong. She first said nothing, but her eyes were red from crying and the sheets were soaked. I carried her and asked her again and she couldn't hold it anymore. She completely broke down. Tears streaming down her face. Shaking she told me, "I miss Mama!"

I listened to my Mom in disbelief. Anna Grace has never responded that way to us being apart. I asked her to put her on the phone. Sure enough. My little girl's heart sounded like it was breaking. Genuine sobs poured over the telephone line. I so badly wanted to wrap my arms around her at that moment as I cried too. Tears of joy. She missed me! She gets it!

I. AM.HER.MAMA!!!!!

We talked for a while and I reassured her that she was coming back to Mama. She would always be with Mama and Mama would always be there for her. We prayed together. Sang a song together and exchanged many "I love you's". Her Po-Po then snuggled with her, continuously reassuring her that her Mama would always be there, until she fell asleep. She was much better this morning when she called to tell me about all the fun they have planned for the day.

AJ and Kai had spent a few days this summer with their Ayi and Po-Po. Anna Grace had a very, very difficult beginning to her summer. She doesn't take change well. She often asked when it was going to be her turn to go visit. I kept putting her time away off. Sweet hubby and I have stuck to our guns with her attachment therapy and she has literally been glued to me all summer. With the exception of sleeping and showers, she's been with me 24/7 all summer. We've had many setbacks this summer, but with every step backwards came a tiny permanent baby step forward!

Scott and I often discussed that we thought we had finally reached the peak of her healing. But every so often this summer, I'd see a little girl emerge that I had never met. An inquisitive, funny, silly girl who showed boldness and courage, instead of fear, hostility, manipulation and aggression.

Towards the end of the school year, I met with the school district's pyschiatrist who thankfully was very enlightened with the traumas of children with attachment disorders, since there are no attachment therapists where we live. We spoke in depth about Anna Grace's actions. She reiterated to me that it sounded like a 'text-book' case and that I was 'doing everything right'. She urged me to continue on the path and that I was probably 18-24 months away from seeing the fruit of our efforts. At first I thought, "18 - 24 months?" Yikes! But in the scheme of things, that's nothing compared to what this little girl has been through. The changes in her life. The ups and downs. The instability. We stayed on the path.

Being home during the summer did us good. Her "good days" last longer and longer with each passing day. We've even gone almost 10 days at one point without regression. It used to be 10 bad days, 2 good days. Now we're seeing those figures reversed. And last night, oh last night, was the sweetest sound I've heard in a long, long time. My little girl crying. Crying hard! All because she missed her Mama. She knows I am her Mama!

She's been home 2 years, 1 month, and 19 days (780 days total). That's how long it's taken to hear those sweet words, "I miss Mama!" and she truly, truly means it!

I miss you too, baby girl. We have a lifetime together.

Together.

Forever.

Thank you, Jesus for keeping your promise!

it's no coincidence

Finally, the much awaited post about one of China's most precious Princesses, our beautiful Anna Grace Fengqin is complete.

On Father's Day two years ago, after an hour of coaxing and bribing, this beautiful, little girl was placed shoved in my arms.

She trembled with fear as her entire world, in an instant, completely changed. She did not recognize the people she was told was going to be her "new family". We spoke, looked, and even smelled differently. She couldn't understand a word we were saying. All she knew was that everything familiar to her was suddenly gone. Vanished.

So, it's no surprise that going from this...

In Guangzhou, after 5 days with her Forever Family.

...to this:

Celebrating her 2nd Forever Family Day!

has been a challenge, a total surprise, and one that I thought I was never equipped to handle.

In walked God.

Yep, I must say, The Man knows it all!

I never in my wildest dreams would have imagined Anna Grace's attachment issues to be so intense, but it certainly was no surprise to God. It was no surprise to Him that I would be chosen to love and nurture a little girl who's needs I felt totally unequipped to handle. He equipped me.

But, most of all, it was no surprise to Him that I would need a very poignant reminder of how much He unconditionally loves me and loves Anna Grace.

He gave me that reminder. She was etched into our hearts on Father's Day 2007.

His plan, as always, was perfect.

Anna Grace is a constant reminder to me of The Father's love. A love so pure. A love so real, that it's almost unfathomable.

How many times have I disappointed Him?

How many times have I rejected Him?

How many times have I been angry at Him?

How many times have I walked away thinking He doesn't love me?

How many times have I wanted to curl up in His arms but have been afraid because I've felt I'm not deserving of it?

These are all the same feelings my sweet girl has. My answer to all of the above questions is, "Many!"

Yet, how many times throughout all of it has He given up on me and stopped loving me?

NEVER!

Oh, yes! I'm sure there have been many, many times when I've done something wrong that He's shaken His head in total frustration and thought, "What am I going to do with this girl? When is she going to learn?" But he's never, ever stopped loving me. He's never left my side.

And it's that, my dear friends, that has helped make me a better mother.

Oh, being spat on, kicked, hit, lied about, cursed at and betrayed has been very, very hard. But, if I stop myself at the very moment that this is occuring and see Anna Grace through God's eyes, see her as His child, my heart immediately changes. Every single time.

I've also realized in the past few months that she really never knew how to love. Oh, she knows the words to say. She know the actions. But, the feelings are so confusing to her little heart and mind that I think it almost paralyzes her. I've even caught her standing feet away from us with a curious look on her face as I play, cuddle and kiss AJ or Kai. As if she's learning. We're both learning as we go, but there's one thing I know. I love my baby girl with a fierce motherly love that only a mother could have.

This is not to say that she isn't given consequences to her actions. Quite the opposite. She knows that privileges will be taken away with her actions and we are very consistent with this. Very consistent. She absolutely needs that much structure in her little life, but especially in the past few months, I've been speaking to her about the comparison in Jesus' love to a Daddy and Mommy's love. I remind her almost constantly that nothing she could say or do will ever stop me from loving her. Ever.

Although in my mind and heart I know that the love that the Father has for us is completely unimaginable and cannot be compared, I want her to realize that still, two years later, it does not matter how much she tries, I will never, ever give up on her. I will love her till my dying breath.

But you know what the best part is?

I know. I KNOW. She loves me, too! THAT MAKES IT ALL WORTH IT!

These past two years have been a roller coaster ride that at times has made my stomach feel like it's in knots as we spin and turn and soar. Other times it has taken my breath away. But mostly, I love looking back and thinking that when the ride is over, my most overpowering feeling is the one that makes me want to shout, "Let's do it again!"

God knew that with Him by my side, I could handle it. Before time was created Anna Grace Fengqin was destined by Him to be our little girl.

On occasions, I even surprise myself at how well we know each other now. We know how the other one thinks. It's scary sometimes. But, it makes me laugh. Biology is so over-rated! She is completely and unmistakably my daughter and I am honored and blessed to be her Mama!

"I CAN do all things through Him who strengthens me"..... Philippians 4:13

I LOVE YOU BIG, ANNA GRACIE!!!!!!!