Yet ANOTHER Turn Of Events

I'm exhausted. I know I keep saying that, but even with sleep my mind is just continuously running.

Yesterday afternoon, we packed up after much encouragement from ICU doctors and nurses. Kai had a great night post surgery the first night and it was a gimmie that the adenoids were the obstruction, not to mention we had clearly seen it in the endoscopy.

When the ENT surgeon did rounds, he heard that Kai had de-saturated a couple of times into the 80's. At that point, he said he wanted to go ahead and transfer him out of PICU and put him in a regular room for one more night of watching his sat (oxygen) levels. We were bummed and devastated. Scott, Kai and myself had already envisioned ourselves at home with the rest of the gang and it couldn't arrive soon enough.

But, on the flip side, I understood why they wanted to watch him. So, under protest and grumbling, we arrived in our new room around 7:30 p.m. Scott had to return to work the next day, so he left back to the west coast around 5 pm.

Arrangements were made last night that as soon as the doctor came in this morning and gave the discharge orders, my Mom would leave the little ones with my sister and head to Miami to pick us up. Just one more night. I could deal with that.

The new room is bright and cheery. They let me lay next to my baby boy and that in itself (because it wasn't permitted in ICU) made us both feel better. Kai fell asleep around 11:00 p.m. They had not yet hooked him up to the Sat monitor. Around 11:30, the nurse came him, hooked him up and said, "Goodnight".

I watched the news, which included horrible news of 2 babies dying here MCH in the NICU from a bacterial infection that is spreading, and shut off the TV set around midnight. I, of course, began watching the numbers on the Sat monitor. They would range from 95-100 and back to 95. This continued for maybe another 20 minutes.

I prayed over my little guy and asked God to please continue to have him improve. A few minutes later, the numbers began dipping into the low 90's. Not ideal, but still OK enough for me to keep repeating to myself, "It's OK. He's OK." over and over.

I drifted off to sleep with those thoughts, only to be startled awake by the monitor's screeching alarm. He was down to 84. Then back up to the 90's. I prayed again that it was a fluke. A one-time thing. I was wrong. He spent the night fluctuating from the 90's to the low 80's and even dipping all the way down to 72 around 3 a.m. I noticed he held his breath a few times and counted the seconds before I saw him breathing again. The longest period was about 5-6 seconds. He is not gasping for air like he was prior to surgery, but it was by far not an easy night at all.

Now I remain confused. We were told swelling would set in 24-72 hours after surgery. Could that be the reason for his Sats going down? Is there still an obstruction there? And the worst of my thoughts have to be could Dr. Ego have been somewhat correct? Does his flap have to be taken down? So many questions floating in my head this morning. Are we going home? Probably not. Back to the ICU? Maybe. Will Kai have to go back into surgery? Oh, Lord Jesus, please let the answer to that be an emphatic, "NO!" In the end, I have answers to nothing. Today is day 8 that Kai has been in the hospital. I'm calling Kai's cleft surgeon in Orlando this morning and picking his brain.

I find myself, once again, scared, weary and weak. This time a bit worse because Scott is not by my side. I know God is by my side. By Kai's side. I also know there is a reason for all of this.

We now wait for the doctor to make his rounds. As I type this, he still sleeps. Alarms have gone off twice. 83. 82. I know I don't have to ask for prayers, because it is because of your prayers that we are being sustained. Thank you.

A very sad Mama.....