"Once our eyes are opened, we cannot pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act." Proverbs 24:12



“There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.”- William Butler Yeats





Thursday, September 17, 2009

thump...thump....thump...thump

IMG_79851


That's the sound of my heart beating. Racing actually, as I think about this precious gift God has blessed me with.

Every dark cloud has a silver lining. Every sadness comes with joy in the morning.

As many of you know, sweet hubby's new job takes him away much more than we like and much more than we expected. I miss him in a big way and so do the kids.

But as Scott said in his post yesterday, "God's plan is amazing!" While we are missing Daddy, God knew it was more important to push Anna Grace's attachment to me to another level. I believe Sweet Hubby's new business endeavor entailed a lot more in God's plan than just financial provision. He's created the time for our bonding to grow.

Our girl's been sleeping in her own bed since two weeks after coming home from China. She didn't sleep well with us, which in turn made us not sleep well either. So, I gave in and let her sleep in her bed.

Now that Daddy's away, I've asked her to be my buddy at night. A special treat since the kiddos really only sleep with us when they are sick. Twice I've been awakened by her little hand on my face. I've opened my eyes and found her within inches from me, just staring at me, as if she were in different world. Staring at me with love in her eyes. What an awesome gift to wake up to!

Tonight after putting on her pj's, she asked me if she could sleep in my bed again. I scooped her up and whispered, "Of course! You're my baby girl!" She smiled and put her head on my shoulder as I carried her to the bed. I then said to her, "Anna Gracie, ssshhh.....Don't tell the boys!" She loves when she can do something special that the boys can't do. She giggled and responded with, "You the best Mama in the whole whirl!"

I've now been laying next to her, watching her sleep for about an hour. My thoughts traveled back to China. To that day 27 months ago when I held a scared little girl who seemed to hate everything about me. I then thought about the months that have transpired after that. The intensity of her attachment issues and how hard she's fought to get me to push her away, to reject her, to give up on her. We've struggled at times, but I've always reassured her that I will never, ever give up on her.

The night's also brought many thoughts of my persistence in telling her that it didn't make a difference how much she hated me, how badly she treated me, how badly she misbehaved, the bottom line is that, she is our daughter and always will be. We may not love what she does, but we love her. That will never change.

I think about each time I remind her (sometimes 2 and 3 times a day) that God created her especially for our family and that's where she belongs and where she's always going to stay. Many times, there's no response, except for the faint little breath of relief that she emits as she exhales, and the tension releases from her little shoulders. Her body relaxes and she feels secure. Words don't say it, but it's written all over her. She knows she's home.

Tonight has made my heart soar when I think about how much I love my beautiful baby girl. Twenty seven months ago, we were two strangers, both scared of what the future held for us.

Today we are Mother and Daughter. For better or worse, love has no boundaries. We're not at the end, but we're walking through the valleys and the mountains together.

Anna Grace, I love you more than you could ever imagine and I thank God he chose me over all the women in the world, to be your Mama!

17 comments :

Sherri said...

What a sweet post. I'm glad you're the best mommy in the whole whirl!

You're a pretty good friend, too.

Have a great day!

Holly said...

Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!

day by day said...

How wonderful that AG is making great strides in her attachment.....so very happy for both of you!!!

love,
Michelle

JShannon said...

What an awesome post ! You are very blessed to have each other.

Karin said...

What a precious miracle!! :)

Shanti said...

Hi, Ohilda. Thanks for becoming my first "follower!" =) I love reading your blog--have been a lurker for awhile, and finally came out of the shadows. Your posts have touched me time and time again...thanks for sharing your life on the Blogosphere!

Shanti said...

Hi, Ohilda! Thank you for becoming my first "follower" =) I have been a lurker on your page for awhile and decided to finally come out of the shadows. =)
Your blog has touched me time and time again. Thank you for sharing your life experiences on the Blogosphere!
~Shanti

The Princess's Mommy said...

I love this post! So many prayers answered! I am SO very happy for you!

Love you,
Monica

The Ferrill's said...

Ohilda this makes my heart go thump thump too! Praise the Lord!!!!!!!!!!!

Patricia/NYC said...

BEAUTIFUL girl...BEAUTIFUL post!!

Jill said...

Hey there...you KNOW I am crying as I read this! I thank GOD for you and for Anna Grace! Although the path has not been easy...you are DOIN' IT UP RIGHT! What a blessing, what a privilege to be the chosen Momma's to our children!

AlyAbox said...

Ohlida,
Thank you for sharing your heart! I just love the stories of how your dear sweet daughter is bonding with you and loving you back! It makes my heart and soul rejoice!
In His hands,
Alycia

sara said...

I love this post. After praying for you and Anna Grace....what a sweet answer!!! You are truly blessed!

Keisha said...

Oh HAPPY DAY......
Oh HAPPY D-A-Y'A.....

That is such a sweet post! I'm so happy for you Ohilda.. God is blessing girl,.. God is blessing.

Ps.. you have created a little monster.. she's gonna want to sleep with ya every night! LOL!

Michelle said...

Beautiful!! I am so glad to hear about this glorious silver lining. Praise the Lord!!!

The Byrd's Nest said...

Oh I am in tears....just tears over this post. I have been praying awhile it seems for your precious princess to fall in love with you and I have been so blessed to see this happening over the past few months. I am so in love with our God.

David and Sarah said...

Just beautiful. God is so good!!

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