"Once our eyes are opened, we cannot pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act." Proverbs 24:12

“There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.”- William Butler Yeats

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

you've come a long way, baby!

I've been pondering what to blog about tonight and went back and forth on a few topics right before going to check in on the little ones for the last time this evening.

I went to each one of my sleeping angels and as customary, pulled their covers up around them, tucked their sleeping buddy (i.e. baby pillow, plushed animal,etc.) into their limp little arms, and gave them one last kiss goodnight.

My little miracles. Words cannot ever describe how madly in love I am with these babies.

Every single one of them hold such a huge piece of my heart.

But tonight, it was my beautiful Chinese princess that stole my heart.


As I tucked her in, she quickly reached out and in her sleep, held my hand, opened her eyes and smiled when she saw it was me. Then, just as quickly, she immediately closed them again and fell back to sleep.

My heart swelled.

As every orphan, her little life before coming into our family was very difficult. Then, probably around the time she was just getting accustomed to that life, strangers appeared and whisked her away into a world where everything that she had ever known was now gone. People. Language. Smells. Food. Everything imaginable in her life changed, in a heartbeat.

As I sat on the edge of her bed, listening to her rhythmic breathing and as always, in awe of her beauty, I thought back on the last 30 months of our lives with her.

I thought about how the miracle of adoption, which started with us wanting to give to an orphan a life they wouldn't othewise have, resulted in us being the recipients of the most amazing gift we could have ever imagined.

I thought about how my precious girl has come such a long, long way.

I thought about how normal our lives are becoming.

She no longer is the little girl that used to stand in the corner of the room waiting to see if she would get invited to join in on the pillow fight or the tickle fest or the stories being read. No, now she's usually the one that initiates the fun or is the one to come running with a story book and ask for me to read it.

She is no longer the little girl that would smell cookies coming out of the oven but refuse to ask for one or accept one because of the fear that an act of kindness may tear down the wall she worked so hard to build around her. No, now she's the one that not only asks for that cookie, but asks for seconds or thirds and walks away pouting (something she'd never do because that would show her feelings) when she's told, "Two cookies are enough."

She no longer is the little girl that would look at me with piercing eyes that reflected a combination of fear of abandonment and a desire to love and be loved. No, now she's the little girl that loudly proclaims, "You the bess Mama in the hold wirl." or "We a family fohevah!"

She's a happy, confident, thriving and loving little girl.

As I sat there, for a split second, I wanted to wake her. I wanted to look into her eyes and tell her how very blessed I am to be her Mama. I wanted to cradle her in my arms and rock her to sleep again. I wanted to make up for the first 26 months of her life that she didn't have a Mama's arms to hold her when she was tired, or scared or just needed cuddling.

But I didn't. Instead, I let her continue to sleep and whispered to her how much I loved her. I softly told her I was the luckiest Mama in the whole world. Then I pulled her covers up to her neck, gently kissed her soft cheek and walked out of the room thanking God over and over for having chosen ME!

Yes indeed, I am the luckiest Mama in the whole world....six times over!


Jill said...

Many many many tears flowing right noe thank you very much...LOL!

She is like the cutest think ever! I just love that grin!

I praise God for Lucy almost every night. I love to lay next to her when she is sleeping and look at the peace that is on her face, and the shape of her almond eyes. It's almost overwhelming the way my heart swells when I do this. I too wish I could wake her up and tell her how much she means to me. To have her understand. Hopefully someday she will! :)

Hugs, Jill

Ruth said...

So much of what you have written I could have written about my sweet Anna! I just know how your heart feels! I love the cuddles I get now that my arms longed for for so long after she came home. I cherish them and her sweet spirit! I am so glad both our Anna's are doing so well!

Holly said...

Amen sister.
Beautiful :)

Marmee said...

I just love this post Ohilda!! Thank you! ~~Anne

Stefanie said...

She HAS come such a long way! God chose the perfect mama to help that once frightened little girl become the self-confident and joyful little girl she is today :)
Praising Him for His heart for the orphan... and for your beautiful Anna Grace!

Aus said...

Oh man - do I remember reading your blog some 30 months ago - and asking myself over and over "What have I done to our family - what in the world were we thinking - I am really out of my mind!" We were 'in process' on Braelyn then....and here we are in process on Chase - ready to do it all over again.

But what you said - that look in their eyes - the one that says "I want to love and be loved - but I'm so afraid"...that's one of many many motives that are brining us back to China.

Thanks for 'getting it' -

love and hugs - aus and co.

day by day said...

So glad to hear that AG is doing so well!!!! What a precious blessing for both of you!!!!!


Waitingfaithfully said...

As Aus said, I too remember the days of heartache . . . of one step forward and two steps back . . . of wondering if life would ever feel safe for Anna Grace, if life would ever be sane (okay semi-sane) for her mama. :) And our Lord did it, even during the steps backwards, He was healing Anna Grace's heart! Oh how I rejoice with you friend, that your princess is finally free, and loves you without holding back!

Thank you Lord!

Love you, O ~


David and Sarah said...

Just beautiful, Ohilda. Beautfiul words...beautiful girl.

Jill said...

MUSIC to my ears!
I just love the way you tell it too...and what is more precious than a sleeping angel??
God is so STINKING cool!


Michelle said...

Ohilda, this is such a touching and beautiful post - just like your beautiful girl!!

Aus said...

I just had to leave a PS - this makes the 5th or 6th time I've stopped back to read it again - thanks!

hugs - aus and co.

Karin said...

OK...that made me tear up. what a sweet, touching post about your precious daughter. These kids have had so much to overcome...but they do, and it's so beautiful to watch.

geminirn said...

What a beautiful post,it brought tears of happiness for beautiful Anna Grace and her beautiful Momma too.

Amy said...

So Beautiful...the words, the daughter, the mama...the family. Thank you God.

a Tonggu Momma said...

Your Anna Grace is a beautiful girl, inside and out.

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