Finally....a date!

After almost a year to the day of OUR visit, Anna Grace will be having her syndactyly surgery at Shriner's Hospital in Tampa.

I have to chuckle at God's sense of humor though. After my ranting on a previous post that I was going to vote early to be done with the elections, the only day available that she could have surgery without having to wait until the next month is November 4th!

I'm praying hard that this surgery be the breaking point that we need so that she fully understands and accepts me as her Mama. Our little girl has indeed come a long way, but those attachment monsters have yet to cease to rear their ugly heads. The past 3 weeks have been non-stop. One night I was so exhausted and resigned to the fact that this was going to be my/our life forever that I completely broke down. I haven't done that in months.

At times it's so hard that I feel like I can't deal with it anymore. It's exhausting. I have to keep reminding myself that I can do all things through God that strengthens me. And although we've been through a year that the baby steps have added up to big steps, it's so difficult to stay focused on that. I know I don't have to explain to those of you that are going through the same issues how it drains every ounce of your being. I digress.

Going back to the surgery. We have a pre-surgical appointment on October 21, and then we need to head up there on November 3rd, in order to be at the hospital by 6:30 a.m. I'm not sure of the details of the length of the surgery or what exactly they will be doing. I will post when I know more. Of course, I will also post as the date approaches asking for prayers for my baby girl. I think I will be having to stay with her alone up there. Scott will be going for the surgery, but do to a new job and the kids' school days, it will be almost impossible for him to be there the entire length of the stay.

Again, I feel like I don't know if I'll be able to handle it all 24/7 alone, but I am looking at it as if God had made all the arrangements and that she will indeed see that I am there for her through her pain and confusion, without ever leaving her side. They did inform me that they have "cottage rooms" for the parents to stay at during the night, but I told them that I would be by her side the entire time, so a room is not necessary. That'll even include meals since they work similar to the hospital where Kai had his surgery and they bring 1 parent up a meal with the child's meal. Hence, no reason to leave her side.

I pray daily that not only her surgery go perfectly, but that her little heart be healed at the same time. That she no longer see herself as a stranger in our family unit. Don't get me wrong, she laughs, plays and is involved in all that we do as a family, but it is still all at our request. Never does she "join in on the fun" without standing back and watching to see if she is invited to play with Scott, Amanda or myself. It's very sad.

She is still receiving speech 2 times per week and her communication is much better, but I do know that there are many times that she doesn't completely understand what we are saying or she doesn't know how to express her feelings. We are working hard on both.

Oh...lastly! I am impressed at the number of responses (and lurkers) that have commented for the giveaway. Thank you! If you haven't signed up yet, you have until this Friday at midnight. I will videotape Anna Grace drawing the winning name on Saturday morning and post it right away!

That's it for now. I have lots of cute pictures to share and will be doing so soon, so please be sure to check back.