"Once our eyes are opened, we cannot pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act." Proverbs 24:12

“There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.”- William Butler Yeats

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Reflections and celebrations...

Before I start on how we're moving along, I really want to say thank you. I know I've said it throughout the journey and while we were in China but I want those of you that have left comments on both the blog and the guestbook and emailed me privately with your own experiences and those that I know are consistently praying for us to know, that your words and prayers mean so very much. They have pulled me through dark moments and lifted me up even higher when times are good. I have kept the scriptures you've emailed and read them at the appropriate times. God's word always heals. Thank you!!!!!

I also wanted to share my experience of what happened the night we spent in Detroit before heading home. We had dinner at went back to the hotel. At about 8 p.m., everyone was exhausted and headed to bed. I slept soundly until about 2:15 a.m. I had been so very tired before going to bed that I had said I would shower in the morning. So, when I awoke at 2:15 and saw that everyone was sleeping, I thought it would be a good time to spend some relaxing time in a hot shower. I gathered my stuff and went into the bathroom. While in the shower, I started thinking about how difficult a time I was having with Anna Grace. How I knew that she may grieve a lot, but it has been so very different from the "grieving" that I have read about. I started to pray...followed by a flood of tears. As I was standing there letting the hot water just pour over me, a hymn that I love filled my mind. Maybe some of you know it. It is called, This is the Day. So, in the midst of my feeling sorry for myself, I begin to sing this song, the only exception is that the words that I'm singing, are not the words to the song. These are words I sang:

This is the child,
This is the child
That the Lord has made,
I will rejoice,
I will rejoice
and be glad in her,
be glad in her.
Over and over the words just filled every space in my brain and all of a sudden I felt like an ephiphany had hit me. I realized that God was AGAIN reminding me that this was not about me, that this was not even about Anna Grace, this was about Him and HIS child. She is not my child. I have the honor and privilege to be her earthly mother, but He created her and it is my place to realize that I am raising her for Him. So, regardless of how tough things get, I need to always remember that this is the child that the Lord has made.

I got out of the shower a new person. I was ready to face every challenge she threw at me, even through the lack of sleep and the jetlag. I also had in my heart to read Isaiah 41. I am HORRIBLE at remembering scripture yet for some reason, when the thought came to me to read it, I had a feeling I had read it before. So, I open the bathroom door and slowly peek into the room, the lights are out except for the bathroom light which illuminated a small area in the corner of the room. I tiptoe over to the nightstand where I knew there would be a bible (since I didn't take mine to China) and I glance at the bed. There sitting on the bed was Anna Grace, just watching me. Everyone else continued sleeping. My first thought was, "Oh God...here we go!" But then I remembered the song. I opened the drawer and pulled out the bible and then quickly scooped her up before she could start crying and wake everyone else. I grabbed her little story book, which she loves, and headed back into the bathroom. I sat on the bathroom floor and put her on my lap, facing away from me so that she wouldn't start crying. I gave her the story book and she quietly sat there turning pages, while I read my scripture passages.

I opened the bible at turned to Isaiah 41. When I reached verse 10, I realized why it sounded so familiar. How many times did I not send this same verse to others who were having difficult times either during their wait, while in China or even after they arrived home. Verse 10 reads: So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. It was exactly what I needed to read at that moment. That verse and the reminder that God created Anna Grace for him, was the reassurance that I needed most to know that all will be well. I then closed the bible and held my little girl, slowly rocking her back and forth while singing to her, This is the child that the Lord has made. That moment will forever be engraved in my mind and in my heart.

I didn't expect this blog post to go so off course and I need to get back to the kids, so I will journal later about how our days have been since we've been home. The jetlag is slowly dissipating and we are feeling a bit more alive.

Today is also a very special day that is close to my heart. It is our 6th wedding anniversary.


I am so very blessed to have you in my life. You have been everything I ever dreamed of, and so much more. You are such a wonderful example of a Godly husband and a loving father. Our children are privileged to call you Daddy and I am honored to be your wife.
Thank you for saying "I do" six years ago today. I am the most fortunate wife in the world.

Happy Anniversary. I love you with all my heart.


1 comment :

Waitingfaithfully said...

Okay I had a big long comment going, and was trying to upload pics to my blog at the same time--and lost it . . .

Let's try again . . . First of all I think you are a great mama! I was just thinking about you this morning as I was wrestling Teddi to dress her (she goes giggling, raving nuts when I dress her, no kidding) Anyway, we were playing the "try and dress me game", and Brogie was hollaring for help from the other room, and I was thinking, Oh . . . hilda, how does she do it with three (plus)? Whew!

Your grocery store story brought back a not so fond bad mommy memory . . . from about 15 years ago. My story, (which happened to take place in Florida) also involved an older lady, and a grocery store parking lot. Only I was the one flagging down the "nice looking grandma" to watch over my baby Brady, whom I had just locked in the car along with the keys, and the groceries --as I was hurrying to go pick up Taylor from preschool! The "nice looking grandma" stood watch as I returned to the store for help, (and to phone the preschool)-- and by the time I returned to my car, Mr. Meatcutter Man--whom they had paged, had rescued my babe and my keys--with a coat hanger, just as the police arrived to help! Oh my, yes indeed a not so fond bad mama day memory!

Loving all the new pics--Sorry about Ky's staple--OUCH! Heal quickly Ky, and happy belated birthday sweet man. I love your new haircut!

Must get to bed!!

Blessings from one crazy mama to another!


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