Reflections and celebrations...

Before I start on how we're moving along, I really want to say thank you. I know I've said it throughout the journey and while we were in China but I want those of you that have left comments on both the blog and the guestbook and emailed me privately with your own experiences and those that I know are consistently praying for us to know, that your words and prayers mean so very much. They have pulled me through dark moments and lifted me up even higher when times are good. I have kept the scriptures you've emailed and read them at the appropriate times. God's word always heals. Thank you!!!!!

I also wanted to share my experience of what happened the night we spent in Detroit before heading home. We had dinner at went back to the hotel. At about 8 p.m., everyone was exhausted and headed to bed. I slept soundly until about 2:15 a.m. I had been so very tired before going to bed that I had said I would shower in the morning. So, when I awoke at 2:15 and saw that everyone was sleeping, I thought it would be a good time to spend some relaxing time in a hot shower. I gathered my stuff and went into the bathroom. While in the shower, I started thinking about how difficult a time I was having with Anna Grace. How I knew that she may grieve a lot, but it has been so very different from the "grieving" that I have read about. I started to pray...followed by a flood of tears. As I was standing there letting the hot water just pour over me, a hymn that I love filled my mind. Maybe some of you know it. It is called, This is the Day. So, in the midst of my feeling sorry for myself, I begin to sing this song, the only exception is that the words that I'm singing, are not the words to the song. These are words I sang:

This is the child,

This is the child

That the Lord has made,

I will rejoice,

I will rejoice

and be glad in her,

be glad in her.

Over and over the words just filled every space in my brain and all of a sudden I felt like an ephiphany had hit me. I realized that God was AGAIN reminding me that this was not about me, that this was not even about Anna Grace, this was about Him and HIS child. She is not my child. I have the honor and privilege to be her earthly mother, but He created her and it is my place to realize that I am raising her for Him. So, regardless of how tough things get, I need to always remember that this is the child that the Lord has made.

I got out of the shower a new person. I was ready to face every challenge she threw at me, even through the lack of sleep and the jetlag. I also had in my heart to read Isaiah 41. I am HORRIBLE at remembering scripture yet for some reason, when the thought came to me to read it, I had a feeling I had read it before. So, I open the bathroom door and slowly peek into the room, the lights are out except for the bathroom light which illuminated a small area in the corner of the room. I tiptoe over to the nightstand where I knew there would be a bible (since I didn't take mine to China) and I glance at the bed. There sitting on the bed was Anna Grace, just watching me. Everyone else continued sleeping. My first thought was, "Oh God...here we go!" But then I remembered the song. I opened the drawer and pulled out the bible and then quickly scooped her up before she could start crying and wake everyone else. I grabbed her little story book, which she loves, and headed back into the bathroom. I sat on the bathroom floor and put her on my lap, facing away from me so that she wouldn't start crying. I gave her the story book and she quietly sat there turning pages, while I read my scripture passages.

I opened the bible at turned to Isaiah 41. When I reached verse 10, I realized why it sounded so familiar. How many times did I not send this same verse to others who were having difficult times either during their wait, while in China or even after they arrived home. Verse 10 reads: So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. It was exactly what I needed to read at that moment. That verse and the reminder that God created Anna Grace for him, was the reassurance that I needed most to know that all will be well. I then closed the bible and held my little girl, slowly rocking her back and forth while singing to her, This is the child that the Lord has made. That moment will forever be engraved in my mind and in my heart.

I didn't expect this blog post to go so off course and I need to get back to the kids, so I will journal later about how our days have been since we've been home. The jetlag is slowly dissipating and we are feeling a bit more alive.

Today is also a very special day that is close to my heart. It is our 6th wedding anniversary.

Honey,

I am so very blessed to have you in my life. You have been everything I ever dreamed of, and so much more. You are such a wonderful example of a Godly husband and a loving father. Our children are privileged to call you Daddy and I am honored to be your wife.

Thank you for saying "I do" six years ago today. I am the most fortunate wife in the world.

Happy Anniversary. I love you with all my heart.

Ohilda

Making strides....barely!

Thank you all for your sweet messages in welcoming us home. My camera decided to die on me during the welcoming home, so I have lousy pictures. I am hoping Ily and my Mom got a few that I could have, especially at the airport.

Well, by 6:30 p.m., I couldn't keep my eyes open. I literally was walking around in a fog. Thank God for Scott. He truly is my saving grace. He bathed the boys, while I bathed a screaming Anna Grace. I sometimes wonder if she was a cat in her other life. She HATES baths and showers. So, I try and make them quick and not spend so much time comforting her during bathtime, because a) it doesn't help and b) it makes it last longer.

I dressed everyone, put on fresh diapers, which brings me to the diaper thought. Man, oh man!!! Do you know how many diapers 3 little ones can go through? We REALLY have to work on the potty training thing for Anna Grace and Kai.

After diapering, powerdering and smothering everyone in violets (Cuban baby cologne), I handed off Kai and AJ to Scott and went into the bedroom with Anna Grace, who already had that look of "Oh God, her again?" on her face.

I cradled her and waited for the crying to begin, which happened in a matter of seconds. I was soooo tired, that I kept trying to speak to her as I usually do during holding time, but kept falling asleep. One of those "nods" must've been a bit long, because when I realized I had nodded off, I look down in my arms, and so had she! I then layed her down next to me and went to tell Scott that I was out for the night. The boys were still going and Scott said he'd watch them. It's a good thing, because I was falling asleep standing up.

The next thing I know, I hear AJ crying on the monitor. I look at the clock and it's 12:15. I get up and realize I have a ragin migraine, and then to make it worse, get to AJ's crib who for the first time in his life, backs up and doesn't want me to pick him up. I almost sat on the floor and cried. Between being so tired, having a kid who hates me, and now AJ rejecting me, it was getting to be too much. I picked him up anyways since I didn't want Kai to wake up and took him to the family room where I tried rocking him for a bit. I then prepared a bottle and he took it. I was able to reconcile with him and laid him back down. By now it was 1:15 a.m., and I figured I better try and get some more sleep because I knew that tomorrow would be hell between jet lag, lack of sleep and 3 little ones.

I was able to get back to sleep and I awoke at 6:30 when Anna Grace began to stir next to me. It was a matter of seconds after she opened her eyes and saw me before the wailing begun again. I continued to lay side by side to her, holding her so that she wouldn't roll over to Scott and kept whispering to her that I loved her and that it would be ok. After about an hour of that, Scott woke up and Kai and AJ joined us. AJ was very surprised to see Anna Grace was still there and kept going up to her, touching her and moving back. It was cute. She finally calmed down and we started our day.

It's 11:30 now, we've had 3 holding time sessions thus far. She's doing a bit better each time. Finally, this last time, while I was holding her, she FINALLY stopped clenching her teeth to hold back her crying and let the real crying come out. That was a huge breakthrough. The fact that she feels she doesn't have to hold back, although she is still grieving very much, is a very good sign.

I am wiped out and even had thoughts last night as I held AJ about how in the world am I gonna do this? Our life with 2 little ones was pretty chaotic, with 3 it's just plain crazy. I am just going to have to continue to trust God that we are doing the right thing.

I managed to get all 3 of them to nap now. (Don't ask how, but I did!!) and am able to catch up a bit, throw some laundry in, clean the kitchen, pick up the mess of toys and just enjoy the silence for a little while.

Kai has an appt. with his cleft surgeon today to prepare for his VPI surgery and life as a family of six in the Bombardier household has begun.

The Princess Is Home!!

I can't even describe how good it feels to be typing this from home. We arrived today about 2 hours ago. Our flight could not land in Detroit because of thunderstorms, so we kept circling the area. After about 1/2 hr. of that, the pilot came back on and said that we were low on fuel and had to go to Toledo, Ohio to refuel. That took 2 hours. Thank goodness we were spending the night in Detroit and didn't have a connecting flight, I would've been a mess!!

The kids did great on the long flight, expect for Anna Grace throwing up all over me about an hour into the flight. Poor baby must've been motion sick, but didn't say a word or act sick until it all just came spewing out! YUCK!!!

Kai also had his share of gross events. He had some diarreah and it went through clothes, seat and everywhere else. The people on the plane by us must've been thrilled with us. Oh, well. That's what happens when you travel with babies. We survived and made it to Detroit 4 hours later than we were scheduled to.

At 3:00 a.m., we were all wide awake. We showered, dress, and waited until 5:30 a.m. to have breakfast and head to the airport. Our flight from Detroit was uneventful and Anna Grace and Kai slept most of the time.

It was so great to arrive and see family and friends, including our wonderful priests waiting to meet Miss Anna Grace. I couldn't help but cry as I held my babies, Amanda and AJ. I missed them sooo much!!!! AJ looked HUGE!!!!

I want to say a great big thank you again to my sister for taking care of my kids, waiting for us at the airport. We loved the poster and the balloons, and then we came home to a delicious cake that said "Welcome Home Anna Grace".

My camera is on the blink, so I don't know if was able to record the pictures I took at the airport. We are TOTALLY jet lagged and in need of some sleep, but I just wanted to make sure I posted we are home safe and sound.

Anna Grace is continuing to slowly warm up to Mama and my feelings for her are growing each minute. I will share a moment I spent with God last night regarding Anna Grace in my next post, since I'm having a hard time keeping my eyes open.

Thank you all again. It has been an amazing journey and we are more than blessed with our precious and beautiful new addition.

Scott & Ohilda