"Once our eyes are opened, we cannot pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act." Proverbs 24:12

“There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.”- William Butler Yeats

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

My Solution to the Resolutions

2008 is behind us and although it brought many good things, I don't think it'll be a year that I will look back at and say, "It was amazing". Between the economy, the struggles with Anna Grace's attachment issues (which were pretty darn rough), surgeries, China closing it's doors to so many parents wanting a child (myself included), and my total lack of will power to lose the weight I wanted, I have to say it definitely wasn't what I had planned. And I think that's where the problems lay. They were all my plans.

I've decided my solution to the New Year Resolutions dilemma is that I will not make any plans this year. I am trusting and believing that God has plans that are perfectly laid out for me. He is just waiting for me to stop trying to do His job, which seems like something I keep wanting to do. I don't know why I insist on it, since there's no way that I could ever do His job, nor would I ever want to. But nonetheless, my hard-headed self just keeps butting into His business.

With all the disappointments that came in the past year, came good things. God showed me that although we've had some pretty tough financial struggles, he always provides. God showed me that although I asked him over and over while waiting for both Anna Grace and Kai to come home to please not allow us to adopt a child with attachment issues. That was my one fear. He allowed it because He knew I could handle it. I've learned to embrace it and have been strengthened by these struggles. I've found myself searching my heart and at times, reaching out to Him like I never have before. He allowed me to see through Anna Grace's surgery just a slight glimpse of what our future could be without attachment issues. For a few weeks life was great. Was the surgery the answer? Oh, no! But we did definitely move a notch up on the bonding ladder. As small as that baby step is, it is so worth it!

I've learned throughout the last year that I can't take things into my own control without botching it up at some point. You may wonder how I know what God's plans really are for me. I don't have the answer to that one. I do know not to expect God to place before me a huge billboard that says, "Good morning, Ohilda! Take this road today." and I know that He will whisper to me in the depths of my heart and open doors that will assure me that is where I should be going. I just need to "be still and know that He is God". I need to not put God in a little box, but instead, allow Him to be the God of all that I do.

Yet that said, I definitely feel like I am exactly where I should be in life. I am surrounded by the people He wants in my life. I am going through the experiences He knew I'd go through. Some I've learned from. Some I keep banging my head against the wall with. With some, He knew I'd take the wrong roads way before He created me, and I'm guessing that it's a pretty sure bet He knows the paths that I'll be taking in the future. So, does it make any sense to not let Him take the controls and be the pilot?

Therefore, 2009 will be without plans for me. I'm waking up in the mornings and proclaiming, "Lord! This is your day. I am your child! Please take control of my life and lead me to what YOU want me to do." I just pray that everything I do brings Him all the honor and glory that He is so worthy of.

I'm not planning for Anna Grace's heart to be completely healed in 2009. That's His child and if it is in His plans, it will happen. I'm not planning for our finances to be cleared and we be debt free. If He wants that to happen, He will open those doors. I'm not worrying about whether or not another child is in our future. He is in control of that.

I'm done making plans. I'm giving it all to Him. The only plan I'm making for 2009 is to allow God to be God and it sure feels good not to have to carry around that load!


He And Me + 3 said...

That is an awesome attitude. I love it since I do not make resolutions at all. Grow closer to the Lord and place everything in His hands. Sounds perfect to me.

Tracy said...

grat post and attiude. I need to workon that as well.

Amy said...

You are one smart lady, Ohilda! (God made you that way!) :)

I'm attempting the same this year...I'll hold your hand, sweet friend. Will you hold mine?

Love, Amy

The Ferrill's said...

OHILDA!!!!!!! How I've missed your blog...oh how could I stay gone so long? Everything you've written in this post...I amen and amen and amen! You have been such a faithful prayer warrior and friend...and I count you among one of my 2008 blessings of new friendship! You inspire me! And you crack me up with your not me monday posts! LOVE THAT!
Whew, it sure is good to be back! 2009: Here we are, Lord! We are ALL YOURS!

mommy24treasures said...

love it Ohilda. I am a big planner by nature. I love to plan at how things will be my part in all things etc. And just last night I Was praying about Jacob and issues we are going through right now and God specifically spoke for me to just trust Him. To believe and stay in union with Him and when situations occur I would act with His mind and actions....Drawing nearer to Him...

sara said...

Such a great post Ohilda!! And my thoughts exactly. I have had a lot of time today to just think (sick kid at home so I can't go anywhere) and I had many of the same thoughts as in your post. 2008 was definitely not in MY plans and maybe that's why I struggled with some of the things so much. I, too, am not going to make any resolutions this year and wake up each day giving it to Him! His plans are so much better than mine!

Let's hold each other accountable to not take it back into our own hands!!! K?!

....you know though, a billboard would be nice sometimes!!! :)

Jill said...

Very wise, dearest Ohilda!!

Oh, and I would say you are most definitely NOT a Big Mac!! Something much more wholesome...like one of their good salads...NOT TOO, TOO green, one that has some yummy crunchy in it and some sweet too!!!! :) NUTS! I KNOW!

The Byrd's Nest said...

Oh Ohilda...I REALLY needed this post today. You are right, I am going to wake up that way every day too;) XXXOOO

cheepette8 said...

I totally agree. I'm praying right there with you.

Lisa said...

I liked that post, I am a planner and pray-er. so I do have some plans for 2009 that are going to take me all year to achieve but I believe God looks at my heart and knows my desires and He helps those who help themselves. So I do see myself out of credit card debt in 2009 because I believe that is His Will for me. the less I have to pay out there the more that can go to further His Kingdom. I do agree that if it does not work out that way, I have to trust He is in control.
I chose to leave my career to raise my kids and I wondered Lord how are we gonna do it. I work when they need me and I would think to myself, "What if they don't need me?" I am lucky if I can go two days without hearing from my boss, they need me more than when I was part time...so I have a dream in my heart to be out of cc debt and I can see it happening. I think it is more of a goal than a resolution. Very thought proboking post. loved it.

a corgi said...

I loved this; I'm such a planner, but I like just allowing God to be God and for him to lead me where he wants me to go on his plan and on his timing; (now if I can just get that through my thick skull)


Keisha said...

Sounds Like a Great Attitude for a New Year!!
I love your Heart Girl!

Holly said...

May I be able to look back and say many of the same things. Many are the plans of man, but the Lord determines his steps.
This has been a painful year for me in many ways and our finances are completely depleted and we are still in over our heads in debt with W. and no end in sight yet. But God is faithful and He is our defender and provider!
I too think that I am in the exact place God wants me for now.
So thankful we can lean on Him for understanding when we just don't get it!
Thanks for sharing.

Michelle said...

Awesome post, Ohilda!! You are in for an amazing 2009!!

Undercover-Princess said...

Good for you not making any resolutions!! I don't like them because if someone wants to change they can change no matter what time of year it is.

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