No clear answer yet....

but I know, even more today, that God is up to something.

First, I want to thank you all that have written to me sharing your personal experiences about how you have felt that "nudging". Every single email/comment and posting I received was filled with insightful wisdom for me. It's good to know that I am not crazy and that I am not alone. Some of you have made me laugh with your metaphors of God's will for you. Too funny! Others have given me much food for thought, and yet others have just about spoken my very own thoughts. God is good! Through many of you, I have been reminded of His love, what He calls us to do, and even how God encompasses "all kinds of sufferings along with good things" (referring to the lives of the prophets). You have given me that thirst to throw myself back into His word and to step out of the way and let Him do His work.

The reason I am writing this now, besides thanking you all for your prayers and support, is because I wanted to share how God is continually giving me affirmations. I just need to shut up and listen, and do it often!

This morning, I heard a knock on the door, which is very unusual in the mornings unless it is the mailman, UPS, or FedEx. I haven't been expecting any packages.

Before I continue, let me back up a bit and share what I was doing before that knock came to the door. I had put Anna Grace and AJ down for their nap. Anna Grace for the past two days has been very challenging to say the least. If I say sit, she stands. If I say go play, she lays down. She just about knows where every button is located that she could push that will bring me to a point that I would love to drag the sun out of the sky and make it bedtime. I digress.

I lay her down in the office in the daybed so I could keep an eye on her (i.e. to make sure she's not pulling the blinds up and down, taking sheets of the bed, rearranging drawers etc.) and make sure she gets her much needed nap. During this time of sitting, I usually catch up on the blogs that I read, pay bills or find something productive to do that is quiet.

Going back a little futher, last night I picked up my bible, which I hadn't done in a while and started reading the first book of Samuel. Not sure why I chose that book, but God in His wisdom brought me to one of my favorite scriptures, Hannah's dedication of Samuel to the Lord. Again, no coincidence. I read a few chapters, and as always when reading the old testament, was reminded of the consequences we pay (thanks for the reminder that the fear is normal, Kim) when we disobey. That was enough for me for one night and I put it down.

Well today, as Anna Grace lay their eyes tightly shut and body fidgeting, I picked up the bible and continued reading Samuel. Somewhere after reading about Eli's son's being killed and the ark being captured, I had this strong urge to pick up Anna Grace from her wiggle-worm state.

I began by rocking her while singing few hymns, and then moved on to doing a rosary while holding her. She remain eyes closed and still while I did this. At least she had calmed down and I was feeling very much at peace. After about a 45 minutes, I layed her back down, still awake but no longer fidgety.

About 3 minutes after I layed her down, is when I heard the knock on the door. I look out the big windows in my dining room and see no cars, but instead 2 women standing at the door. I open the door and lo and behold it was two Jehovah's witnesses. I think this is the first time since we've lived here (4.5 years) that I have had any Jehovah's wittnesses knock on my door.

I have nothing against them, but I admit that a few times, if I notice ahead of time that they are there, I do not open the door. Usually because I am in the midst of something and just am not in the mood. I am embarrassed and apologetic for this. I know it's not it right.

Anyways, this time was different. I opened the door and a kind woman hands me a pamphlet and says, "Have you ever wondered what God's will is for you?" I almost fell over. She continued speaking but all that my brain heard was "you did not choose Him, He chose You." Then she invited me to an event of some sort during Easter vigil. I thanked her, took the pamphet and closed the door.

I quickly glanced at the pamphlet in my shaky hands and read the large print across the top, it said : John 15:16. Of course, I then run to look up this scripture (I'm horrible about remembering scripture) and this is what it says:

"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name."

I sat there holding the bible, and let the words sink into my brain. I read it over and over. That is exactly what I have been feeling. I do want to say that I've read this passage hundreds of times before and my interpretation has always been that we should "bear fruit", as in having offspring. But it was different. I really believe that He is planting a seed. I just need to stop stomping on the soil and let it grow. I also feel in my heart that by saying "the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name." He is telling me to continue praying and that He will reveal exactly what He he wants from me. I need to continue to be still.

Gosh, I feel good! I still don't have any more to the answer than I did a few days ago, and it may be a very long time (if ever!) before I get it, but I'm feelin' like I'm on the right path.

P.S. Sunday at mass we were informed that this week is our Lenten mission retreat. Unfortunately, it is in the evenings and quite long. There is no way that both Scott and I could both attend with all these little guys and actually get something out of it. So, we decided Scott would be the one to attend. He came home last night talking about the topic. You want to know what the topic is? God's will.