"Once our eyes are opened, we cannot pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act." Proverbs 24:12

“There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.”- William Butler Yeats

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Coming home to the 3 other critters

I, again, don't have lots of time because I need to get the kids bathed, dressed and on our way to the doctor for Kai.

I'll start off with the easy ones. Amanda came home just when Kai was having one of his fits. He wanted nothing to do with her. I asked him to give Amanda a kissy and huggie....he refused. They have a "special" dance that she only does with him with the song, "Barbara Manatee" from Veggie Tales. He loves dancing with her so she tried bribing him with that. No dice. I finally told her that he would be better tomorrow and that he, obviously wasn't himself. She agreed and the next afternoon, they were Barbara Manateeing all over the kitchen.

Now AJ. Well, AJ is such a funny little character. He's rough and tough, but has such a sweet, loving side to him. He saw us arrive through the upstairs window at my Mom's house. As we were going up the stairs, I hear him yelling, "Kai-Kai, Mama, Daddeeeee" Soooooooo cute!!! My Mom had taken him to get a "big boy" haircut, you know the kind....like little Ricky on I Love Lucy. He looked adorable. We walked in and he was ecstatic. I called him over to me and he played the "chase me" game. I chased him into the bedroom and finally cornered him. He filled the rooms with fits of giggles and laughter, and finally rested his head on my shoulder as he gave me a big hug. He was so happy to see Kai and Daddy too! He ran around with Kai for a bit, while we waited for Anna Grace to arrive with my sister. Then it was off to Daddy to be carried. When it was time to start taking things down to the car and Daddy put him down, he had a fit, but quickly got over it when I told him we were all going home.

Lastly, Miss Anna Grace. Aaahhhh, yes. I don't know if I will ever figure this little one out. In all the craziness, I never got to make the videos for her, but I would call her daily and "put" her to bed at night saying prayers and singing our goodnight song together. My sister still had the Mommy Comes Back video that I had made Kai when we went to Tennessee last spring. According to my sister, she didn't even realize that I said Kai and not her name on the video. She answered all of my questions and happily danced to the Mommy Comes Back song that I sing them.

Back at my Mom's, Anna Grace finally arrived with my sister. I hear her coming up the stairs yelling, "Mama". So different from the times when we left Kai. His reaction was always one of wanting to get close, but not doing so, at least for the first few minutes. A normal attachment response.

With Anna Grace. I went up to her and picked her up. Nothing. No thrills but no fighting it either. She was (and still is today) her normal self. It all seems very superficial. She's a very happy little girl, unless she doesn't get her way. But, as we all know, isn't every 2 year old like that? I definitely KNOW that she is not attached though. I can sense it and feel it in every part of my being.

One of my instructions to my sister was that when they went out in public, to remind Anna Grace that no one is to pick her up. On our last day at the hospital, my sister was telling me that she was outside with Anna Grace when a neighbor walked over, a man. Before my sister could even react, Anna Grace was in this man's arms. Someone who she has never seen before in her life. My sister told me that it happened so quickly that she couldn't stop her and she never thought that Anna Grace would just reach up to someone who had walked up that she didn't know. I know exactly what she was talking about and I live with it daily. Although, she knows now with me that she will get in trouble if she asks a stranger to pick her up, so she does it a lot less often.

Last week at church, during mass, we were turning around to shake hands and say "Peace be with you", when all of a sudden Anna Grace threw herself into the arms of the man behind me. Again, someone I had never seen in my life, and gave him a huge kiss. Besides being totally embarrassed, it cut through me like a knife. The man was pretty taken back and just managed to utter, "What a sweet little girl". I HATE THOSE WORDS!!!!!! It is not "sweetness", although she is sweet. It is the fact that she does not yet feel she belongs anywhere, therefore, she is comfortable everywhere and with everyone. Strangers or not. It seems like it's never going to end, and it may well not end. I'm grateful that the raging and hate have subsided, along with the defiancy. She does try to please. Those are big steps in the process. She can also go through pictures of her foster family/ayis in China and not have it cause a negative effect on her. She even plays on her phone that she is calling "China Mama".

For the most part, Anna Grace is a very well behaved, sweet, 2 year old little girl. If I did not have the knowledge of attachment issues, I would think that she has adjusted beautifully. Sadly, it is not that way. As I said before, she is just as comfortable if I picked her up today and dropped her off at a stranger's house to live as if she were in our own home.

The good news is that we all witnessed a very, attached little girl in China. One who was scared of strangers and was reserved and cautious. She IS able to attach because she was attached to her family there. It will take months, maybe even years, but we will not stop until she realizes that we are indeed her family and that she does have a place where she belongs, with us.


geminirn said...


Glad to hear little Kai is home and doing as well as can be expected...poor little guy has been through alot.

Aiden's Mommy said...

So glad to hear that you are all again under one roof. I have no doubt that your little Anna Grace will one day not be able to imagine you not being in her life. Higs to you all.

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