"Once our eyes are opened, we cannot pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act." Proverbs 24:12



“There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.”- William Butler Yeats





Monday, September 27, 2010

Heartwrenching!


I don't know if many of you have heard about this case, but as I watched the video, my heart shriveled up and tears ran down my face. I believe this scenario is the reason why many adoptive parents choose to adopt internationally. I know for us, it was very high on the list.

If you have read our AJ's story , who was adopted domestically, you'd know that our initial reaction when asked about adopting domestically was "No". Besides the cost, compared to an international adoption, one of our biggest reasons was just that, we knew that the possibility that we might ever lose a child was more than our hearts could bear.

That said, I am so incredibly thankful that God laid out the plans perfectly and that we were obedient to His calling. We not only had a wonderful attorney who informed us of the importance of both biological parents agreeing to terminate their rights, but we were immensely blessed to able to meet both of AJ's biological parents. Then, and only then, after it was clear that everyone was on the same page, did the attorneys go forward with the process.

My heart just goes out to this family. I cannot fathom the thought of one of my children being taken from me after 3 years. While I feel the biological father in this case is legally entitled to raise his son, I think that it would only be common sense on everyone's part, beginning with the judge, to put the child first and give this sweet boy a transitional period, instead of ripping him away from the only parents he's ever known and placing him with a total stranger who lives in a completely different state.

When I see cases like this happening, I sometimes wonder, "Are we in the U.S.?"

I do know that adoption is not for the faint of heart. What do you think?

(Please remember to scroll to the bottom to pause the music player.)



6 comments :

Aly said...

Hi Ohilda,

While i feel that the biological dad has a legal right to Grayson, he should not be allowed to take him away from the only family that he has ever known. Especially since he has a criminal record for possession and assault.
Grayson's real family is the one who has loved him and raised him as their own from the beginning of his life, and the ones that his biological mother chose for him.
Just my $.02
Love you!
Alycia

Teresa said...

This is one of the reasons why there needs to be major domestic adoption reform with Federal adoption statutes, not the varying state laws we have now.

Further, I can't understand why a judge would award full custody with no transition plan of a 3 year old to someone who's never even contacted the family about the child, though he obviously knew where the child was living. My heart breaks for all involved, but especially for Grayson.

Tamara said...

Ohilda,
I picked China because this would kill me. I couldn't do it. We fostered for years and I welcomed every child into my home with the thought in my head- this is not forever. So when it was time for them to go to their parents or other family member I could deal with it. Where was Dad 3 years ago? No cards, calls, presents - nothing in all this time. He has a violent past and convicted drug user. I know our kids don't get a transition period when we get them in China- but if it is possible to give it to that little boy- why would they.
I'm sorry- but to much time has passed and that little boy has a family- the ones who adopted him, the one his birth mother picked for him.

Aus said...

Morning O - any guy and father a child, but it takes a man to be a dad. Where was this guy when his son was born? Where was this guy during the decision to place Grayson for adoption? Where was this guy throughout the first three years of his son's life - why wasn't there a birthday card or Christmas gift?

He may be the father of the child, but he's no Dad.

Over the last 15 or so years I've seen too many kids as victims, moved too many kids out of dangerous circumstances....I just can't believe that the courts can be this foolish....

IMHO - for the sake of the child - leave him with the only parents he's ever known....

hugs - aus and co.

Jill said...

I saw this a couple of weeks ago and have wondered and wondered how things went...how awful!! I just cannot wrap my brain/heart around it. I prayed that the bio father would SEE that Grayson needed his parents and siblings and would make a SELFLESS act for his little boy. THEN, I read that the Bio Dad has a criminal history against people?!?!? Oh...I CANNOT stand it!

Anonymous said...

This is why all states adoption law must be uniform. While I think a Bio father needs to have his rights protected. (to many want their kids and are ruled against 5 I know of in Utah) Maybe NOT this dad with a criminal history since we don't know the whole story. But there are to many cases where fathers rights are ignored and this happens. I also think and this is not popular that when a father files it should NOT take this long for a decision to be made. Since that dad filed prior dna should have been done and within weeks a decision made. Thus less trauma for the child. It sounds like though they knew quite early what could happen.


Now personally Grayson should stay. This is the reason why we did not choose an adoption here plus in Nevada there is 6 months where a mind can be changed.

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