"Once our eyes are opened, we cannot pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act." Proverbs 24:12



“There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.”- William Butler Yeats





Monday, October 15, 2007

I know...I know....

I'm crazy!!! But, since Anna Grace has been doing so well with her attachment (I will post about that soon) and our lives are starting to become normal (if there is such a thing with 3 kids under 3 years old), I confess that I've had more time to do "feed" my addiction of going through the waiting child lists. ::GASP:: Oh, how I would love to bring one of those kiddos home!

Yes, it's true, but before you all start emailing Scott to have me committed to the closest insane asylum, I want to clarify that we really have no intention of adopting again. We are totally broke with 3 adoptions (and a failed one) in the past year and a half, and I truly don't think I have the stamina to keep up with yet another little one, not to mention the fact that if Scott ever agreed to another adoption it would be because Jesus appeared in the flesh before him personally and told him he HAD to! Scott even had me promise that if we won the lottery someday I would set up grants for others to bring home waiting children and not want to adopt them all myself.

But, my Lord....some of those babies (especially the little cleft boys) on these groups just make me throw all reasoning to the wind and start praying for another one. It breaks my heart to see those beautiful children on those lists waiting and waiting to find their forever families.

In addition to the list, I also have a couple of friends in China now adopting their new blessings and it has only fed the fire about going back to China. I can't quite put my finger on what it is, but there is just something about that magical country that keeps wanting to draw me back.

Today my friend, Charlotte, called to tell me that her agency is expecting TA for her any day now and she should be leaving in less than 3 weeks!!! While I am so excited that her beautiful Rachael is coming home, it brought back floods of memories of the anticipation of getting to know Kai and Anna Grace for the first time. That euphoric feeling is something that can't be compared to any other. The miracles of how God orchestrates such perfect reunions and creates families, as tough as it may be sometimes, leaves me in awe of His greatness. His love for us is unconditional and never ending, and He has graced us with the ability to love His children with that same love.

I know in my heart that we are done with adopting, but I also know that there is no doubt that someday, we will be back in China again. In the meantime, I guess I will continue to live vicariously through those of you bringing home your blessings.

Lastly, I want to steal something from my sister's blog that she posted, a synopsis of adoption. I, too, will be teaching my three little angels that same meaning of adoption because it is so true.

Teacher Debbie Moon's first graders were discussing a picture of a family. One little boy in the picture had a different hair color than the other members. One of her students suggested that he was adopted. A little girl said, "I know all about adoption, I was adopted." "What does it mean to be adopted?", asked another child. "It means", said the girl, "that you grew in your mommy's heart instead ofher tummy!"

6 comments :

Charlotte said...

Ohilda,

I am broke too, lol. But I don't think I'll ever stop looking and thinking maybe one more.......

Charlotte
www.rachaeljanew.blogspot.com

Sophie's Mom said...

Glad to hear attachment is going well, I'm anxiously anticipating your post on that! ;)

Ruth said...

Ohilda, I find myself wishing for our paperchase to be over so we can go and get our AJ - but dreading it because I know it will be our last trip to China for a long time!! I wish I could bring home more than one at a time!!! This will be our last unless Jesus appears to my dh in the flesh as well! It is so hard to see the lists and wish you could just help them all - but then I have to stop and thank God that He has given me two to love and raise! I have this little saying posted on my bulletin board right in front of me daily! "I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything but I can do something. And what I can do I ought to do and by the grace of God I WILL DO IT!
Sorry for the book in your comments section :-)

geminirn said...

I'M LOOKING VERY FORWARD TO YOUR POST ON HOW THE ATTACHMENT IS GOING!!

I'm broke and haven't even left for China yet...lol....guess i best stay away from the malls and ebay!!!!!!hehe

Monica said...

Well, we're broke, too, but I still look at all the lists and wish I could bring them all home....
Love,
Monica

Lisa L said...

Girl! Sometimes I think you and I are the same person! When we were in China with Brady I thought, 'this little bugger has finally cured me of my adoption bug' LOL When we were first home it was so awful that I would get physically ill at the thought of adopting again. That said, I can't stop checking lists either. It's so hard not to bring them all home. We are getting into a comfortable routine and though our plate is full right now, I am hopeful that we might adopt again in a few years.

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