Happy Belated 4th of July!

Here's a cute picture of my triple terrors all dressed up for the 4th of July. It rained here most of the day, and fortunately we were able to take in a great fireworks display on the 3rd at a nearby arena. Anna Grace did not seemed phased by them, but watched none the less.

I've had a few emails asking where I am. It's a lot tougher now to be on the computer with 3 little ones wreaking havoc through their confined space. A friend came over the other day and said, "Wow! You have gates everywhere. It's like an obstacle course." And yes, it is. One gate we had to switch out because AJ figured out that if you push on the bottom, you can make enough of an opening for a little body to sliver through to the other side. AND....sweet boy that he is, shared his secret with Kai and Anna Grace, so every once in a while, the 3 of them were screaming with joy that they had made it to the "forbidden land". The shrieks of joy though, were quickly halted when they saw Mama coming and it turned more into "Uh Oh!" Aaahhh, yes. Never a dull moment with these three!!

Anna Grace has improved somewhat. She definitely keeps me last on the totem pole, but has become a bit more playful with me during the day, as long as I don't pick her up or sit her on my lap. We are doing better with the hitting as she has now experienced quite a few "sitting on Mama's lap" for hitting and she really doesn't appreciate it. She will repeat just about anything you ask her to, except for the word Mama. I think that in her little mind saying the word out loud is almost accepting the fact that I am "Mama", and she's not ready for that yet.

We still have lots of grieving crying at bedtime at night, even without holding time. Last night, I figured after such a busy day and it was so late that I would just lay her down and let her go to sleep, but the crying ensued immediately. I felt so bad leaving her there. I first layed next to her, stroking her hair, but it didn't change anything. So, I carried her and tried to rock her. The deep, mournful cries (which is what they have turned into now) continued until she could barely keep her eyes open. I prayed over her and asked our Lord to heal her little heart and our Blessed Mother to make her feel secure and loved. I so wish there were a way that I could remove all this confusion, fear and anxiety from her. I wish there was a way that she could instantly feel secure, but I know there isn't, and as I said before, we have a long, tough road ahead of us.

Her eating is doing great and she puts down her food now like a champ. We haven't had any more instances of her shaking her head no (Thank God!!) so, that in itself is a big step forward.

It's hard to see her laughing and smiling during the day and then see her break down at night. I am hoping that one day soon she will call me "Mama" instead of tapping me when she wants something. She really hasn't said anything to anyone except for maybe calling out to AJ or Kai-Kai. She is still very much in love with her Daddy and he is too! I think we have a Daddy's girl for life. :)

My camera is truly on the blink, but I can't bring myself to send it to be fixed yet. It only allows me to take maybe 2-3 pictures at a time and then freezes. I will post later all of the pics of my sweethearts that we took over the 4th of July.

Amanda is gone until Sunday visiting her paternal grandmother in Miami, therefore, I am on my own with the 3 of them with no assistance. God help me! I miss Amanda so much already. She has been an immense help and a little Mommy, especially making Anna Grace feel comfortable. Anna Grace adores her!

My heart is filled with love for all of my children, and this little stubborn, manipulative, over-bearing, yet sweet as sugar and beyond adorable little girl in my life is creeping into my heart by leaps and bounds daily. I love to watch her sleep and think about what life will be like when she fully understands that she is our daughter and sister forever. Thank you Jesus for entrusting me with this precious angel and for allowing my heart to grow daily with love for her.