The battle within and more updates

As always, I want to first start by thanking so many of you for your support. Wow! I logged onto my computer a little while ago and your emails of support, comments, prayers and scriptures continue to fill me with renewed strength. I have taken them all to heart and will lean on your words of wisdom when things get tough again. I was told by a new online friend that Anna Grace's unbreakable spirit will be used for the Lord's glory someday. Yes, and isn't that what it's all about?

I left yesterday's post with an update of Anna Grace waking up and hating me. Another "Wow"! Yesterday afternoon was TOUGH! Probably one of the toughest days to date. As I sat for TWO hours cradling her in my arms, wiping the sweat and tears from both of our faces, and praying, I thought about how this really sucked! Not for me....but for her! I could totally understand and see what was happening. She woke up and was so darn mad! She was mad at me...AND at herself. At herself, for allowing herself to get close to me and show me love.

The battle that these little ones fight within, especially when they first come home, is such a strong one. It's heartbreaking to me. Their little hearts want so badly to be loved, to be able to trust, yet they are in survival mode. Everything within them tells them not to trust because they will once again hurt and abandoned. It's a constant in their minds, and I can't think of any other word right now than that totally sucks! Can you imagine being a mere 2 years old and having to deal with that kind of burden?

I know it's completely out of my control and there's nothing I could do. All I can do is to continue to show her the love that I have for her - unconditionally, through the rages that at times even include biting, pushing away and kicking. But each time we go through one of those, she realizes at the end that I never put her down, I never yelled at her, I continued to love her through anything she threw (sometimes literally) at me, and that I am a constant in her life, good or bad. Each time that occurs, one more brick crumbles from the wall she has built. Eventually there will be no bricks left and only wide open spaces that we can fill with mutual love for each other. I so admire her strength and courage and am totally honored and blessed to call Anna Grace my daughter.

Now, on a brighter note that I have been meaning to post. Last week Anna Grace, Kai and AJ went for physicals.

Let's start with AJ. I'm not sure some of you know this, but AJ, my NON-SPECIAL needs domestic cutie pie was born with ASD (Atrial Septal Defect). At the time of his birth, the cardiologist felt the hole was very small and I was told to bring him back after a year for another full exam. Praise God....the hole is completely closed and he has been discharged completely from seeing the cardiologist again! Wooohooo!! He weighs 25 lbs. and is 32.5 inches tall. He is 99% in height on the charts and 60% in weight. He's definitely our big boy and Scott's promising linebacker for the New England Patriots in the future.

Now, my sweet Kai. Kai looked great and is very healthy. He weighs 28 lbs. HE GAINED 3 LBS. IN CHINA!!! And is 33 inches tall. Only 1/2" taller than AJ and three lbs. more. I am thrilled to say that Kai has finally made it to the American charts in weight, in the 3 percentile but is still off the charts in height. We are awaiting to hear news this coming week of a surgery date to complete his VPI surgery and he continues to go to speech therapy. He is 100% on target for all of his other skills and if his Mama could ever potty train him, he will be starting preschool in the fall!!!! My baby is growing up.

And last but not least, Miss Anna Grace. As I mentioned, she has been tested for everything under the sun. The doctor was quite impressed on how she was so well taken care of in China. Her skin is beautiful, her hair shiny and even her pearly whites looked amazing! Anna Grace weighs 25 lbs. (same as AJ and 3 lbs. less than Kai) and is 34 inches tall (only an inch taller than Kai and 1.5 inches taller than AJ). And get this....she is in the 50th percentile in height on and 25th percentile in weight on the AMERICAN charts. She has an appointment to go back in August for more vaccinations and so we can get all of the test results on the onslaught of blood that they have drawn from her little body. She was a TOTAL trooper through it all. I let Daddy hold her so he could be the bad guy during the drawing blood process. :) Poor baby needed so much blood drawn that they have to break it up into 2 different dates. So, this Thursday evening, Daddy heads back to the lab with her for more blood and to deliver the urine and stool samples. Yummy! heh.

She is partially potty trained and will go whenever I sit her. The only problem is that she isn't speaking to us yet, we don't know when she has to go. Hopefully that will change within the next few weeks. (Going thru anywhere between 14-18 diapers a day with 3 little ones can be tough, especially on the bank account.) I'd love to hear from anyone who brought home a partially trained toddler and successfully completed the training right away without them speaking. :)

So that's about it. My babies are doing great. They are all pretty much the same height and weight and it truly feels like I have triplets. Although they are sooooooooo much work, and I am usually sooooooo exhausted, especially by the time 5 p.m. rolls around, they are triple the blessings. They are so much fun to watch play and interact with each other. There's rarely a moment of quiet during the day here, except at naptime. We've still not had pretty much any sibling rivalry but I continue to wait for it. It's just a matter of time for the honeymoon to be over.

PS. I wanted to add this quote at the bottom, since today while I was out with my 4 kiddos when I overheard someone say, "She really has her hands full. I don't understand why anyone would want so many kids?" I didn't say anything, but my first thought was to answer, "and do you get to smile and laugh as often as I do everyday?" But I just continued walking and thanked God for my "bouquet."

"How can you say there are too many children in the world? That is like saying there are too many flowers." - Mother Teresa of Calcutta