Rising from the ashes....

"In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

- I Thessalonians 5:18


::tapping on monitor screen:: Hello? Is anyone still out there that reads this?

I know it's been way too long. A few times, I've opened up to this page and have started to blog, but alas, I can't seem to find the desire to put the words together. So much has happened in the past year with our lives.

Today, I'm committed to writing. This has by no means been an easy blog post to write. It's not one of those full of happy-go-lucky-we're-doing-great kinda posts. It is full of reality. It is full of life. But most of all, it is full of HOPE!

It's something I am ashamed of. I am embarrassed to share and I am being told by the master of deceit that it is no one's business. But indeed, it is and I refuse to harbor those feelings any longer.

I'll tell you why.

Many of you know how I feel about the present administration and about the fact that this country has been going in a downward spiral since he took office in 2008. Sweet hubby's job started tightening the reins. There are now no benefits for employees, because they just can't afford it. The quality of the medical insurance (that they do not pay for) is so bad, and the cost is so outrageously expensive that we don't have medical insurance, with the exception of Kai, who desperately needs it. It's been a few months that we've been in this situation and we've decided we need to do something fast. So, after much prayer and lots and lots of thinking, we've decided to move out of state where Scott could find a job doing what he is prepared to do and where we could have insurance for the entire family.

We started looking and looking. Lo and behold, Scott applied for a position with a large international company that bought out the company he used to work for. He knew all the ins and outs of the position. Within days, we were sent an email stating that he was one of the final candidates, followed by a FedEx envelope full of forms required for new employment and blood orders for a drug screening test. Boy! God was showing himself in a big way. After many months, this was the answer to our prayers! He was going to get a nice pay increase and more importantly, we were getting great medical insurance for the entire family for what seemed like peanuts compared to the cost in Florida.

We praised and thanked Him every time the wonderful thought came into our heads, which was about a hundred times a day. The icing on the cake was that the job was in Tennessee. A placed that I've loved since I could remember and have been to many times. The last was with sweet hubby celebrating a weekend together before we picked up our Anna Grace.

Then, as many of you know, the tax credit that we'd had sitting at the IR*S for the past 4 years had been changed to a refund! Oh, yes! Life certainly was changing for our family in a huge way.

You see, last year the economy got so bad, so quickly, that we were forced to do what sadly many Americans have had to. We had to file for bankruptcy. The home that we had so proudly purchased 7 years before, was surrendered in the process. I felt ashamed that we had lost our house, our credit and were left sitting with nothing.

But, God remained faithful. He was pulling us out of the trenches. A new job was almost at our reach and we were receiving almost $40,000. that had been sitting as credit with the government. It was a new beginning for us! Yes! We were going to fix our old, now falling apart van, and use those funds to move the family to Tennessee, finally have medical insurance and start a new life.

So, that's the story of rising from the ashes. Okay, it's not.

As we waited to hear from the powers that be that sweet hubby had gotten the job and a received a starting date, days turned into weeks. Nothing. We checked in a couple of times and were told that they had to divert their attention from that position to another, but to hang in there a few more weeks and we'd have the answer. It all looked good.

We sighed, but trusted and continued to praise.

We also waited for that big check to come in. There were delays because they were doing a 'review', as most everyone I know who is waiting for their big refund, has been told. Several weeks later. We receive the letter from that infamous agency saying that everything was approved and that our check was on its way! Again, more praising. We just had to learn patience. That's it. God was teaching us patience.

In the meantime, bills continue to pile up. We are looking at another surgery for Kai in the next few weeks and praying daily that no one gets sick or injured while we wait. But, it's all good. Patience is a virtue and God was certainly showing us that.

Fast forward to last week. The email from the new job came in. The company decided to go with the other candidate because he was local. "An easier choice." We felt crushed. How could that happen? Sweet hubby had already done his background checks, drug screening, salary was agreed upon, and he knew everything about the position. It was just figuring out the logistics. Well, it wasn't meant to be. Many tears and many questions to God went up from me. So, what did we do?

WE PRAISED AND WE THANKED HIM!

Yes, it's all His perfect plan. Maybe that wasn't the job that was meant for us. Maybe it wasn't going to be 'the best', and we know God only wants the best for us. So, we dusted our sandals and decided that there was nothing we could do. We have to move forward and God will show us what door it is that he wants us to walk through.

BUT...we still that have big check coming! Yaaay! Although that's not completely the answer to prayers, we could give a big sigh of relief that at least we were able to start over. We continued to thank and praise.

We waited and waited for the check to arrive. I spent more hours on the phone with said 'agency' that I ever thought I could or would want to. Person after person assured me that it was mailed 'over a month ago'. They reviewed the address. They gave me a check number. The date it was mailed. "It must have gotten lost in the mail", we were told. Finally, we were instructed to file a form to trace the check. We did as they suggested.

Just two days ago, they found the check! Yes, it had been mailed. The only problem was that it was mailed to the trustee of the bankruptcy courts and not us. Their letter was apologetic over the 'confusion and inconvenience this may have caused.' The bottom line was that our almost $40k dollars that we were going to start life over again with was to be given back. We happened to file for bankruptcy the same year that the adoption tax refund went from a credit to a refund. Therefore, we are no longer entitled to that money.

So now, no new job. No money. No insurance. No starting over.

But the most important part of this is that we remain steadfast in our faith.

GOD REMAINS FAITHFUL!

GOD REMAINS COMPLETELY TRUSTWORTHY!

GOD REMAINS SOVEREIGN AND OMNIPOTENT!

GOD IS IN CONTROL!

I won't tell you that I received the news and jumped for joy. Oh no! I cried. A lot. I ranted. I questioned. I was devastated and angry and sad and depressed. I felt hopeless. Every single one of those feelings was the flesh. That was the humanness in me.

Then something wonderful happened. God's grace took over. I was not only picked up by a God-fearing husband who said to me, "God's plan is much bigger than that, much better. We have to trust! We have to stand firm in His word and in the fact He is in control of all of this." I knew immediately. THAT was the voice of truth speaking through him.

We again, dusted our sandals, picked ourselves up. This time, with more love and joy and hope in our hearts than we've felt in a long time, we thanked Him and praised His glorious Name! Why? Because we believe in everything He is and was and will be. He has not changed, nor will He ever change.

If you've still not realized why I am sharing such a very personal story is because there may just be a person or two out there that is going through similar situations. I just want you to know that there is ALWAYS hope. There is hope in our Savior. He will never forsake you. You just need to trust that with all of your being. I know personally, that I can't wait to share with you what bigger and better plans He has for us because I know He does.

In the meantime, we continue to thank, praise and honor the Name above all names! We trust Him more than ever now. How awesome is that? To think that life is back on track, and then you end up with nothing again. But it is really nothing? No. We ended up with the most important thing a person can have when they feel so down and so deep in the pit that they can't see the light shining over them. We ended up with HOPE! And that word encompasses all that Jesus is. It encompasses the reason He died on the cross for you and me. He is HOPE!

Come what may, bring the rain because we remain steadfast in saying,

AS FOR ME AND MY HOUSE, WE WILL SERVE THE LORD!

- Joshua 24:15

I pray these words bless you as they have blessed me.

Our circumstances in life are worldly.

Our God's love for us is eternal.

(I do want to add that during Bible study this morning, we were talking about God's promises and so forth and Kai burst out saying, "Mama, we're going to get to the Promised Land.... Tenneessee!". We learned about the Israelites a couple of weeks ago. That made me smile BIG! Yes, baby, we are gonna get to the Promised Land!!!)