"Once our eyes are opened, we cannot pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act." Proverbs 24:12



“There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.”- William Butler Yeats





Monday, October 12, 2009

I'm full of it.....


Literally.

If you are the least bit squeamish, please move on to the next blog.

Some of you have noticed my absence in the past week or so, while I've only posted small tidbits to allow just enough of me for you to realize that I am still around. (Thank you to those that have taken the time to email to see if all was well and those of you that have prayed for me. I treasure our friendships.)

Now, with all praise and glory being given to our Lord, I feel well enough to share the whole scoop.

Since May, I've been having a pain in the right upper side of my abdomen. Shortly after the pain began, I discovered a "lump", then another, then another in that same area.

In July, I went to my doctor. She told me she thought my liver might be enlarged. I underwent a battery of tests that included ultrasounds, x-rays, blood tests and lots of probing and poking. The results? Nothing.

Early August, the "lumps" were really bad. I couldn't help but feel them with my hands and imagine the worst. I was extremely constipated and the dull pain was ever present. I researched what abdominal lumps could be and of course, the more I researched the scarier it got and the worse type of scenario my over-active imagination created.

At about this same time, a very sweet bloggy friend, Cindy, lost her battle to colon cancer. That was the small foothold that Satan needed to creep in.

I was on laxatives for weeks, even during our NYC trip. In the past month, I've lost 12 pounds, totaling over 20 lbs. in the past year. I, of course, attributed the weight loss to the fact that I was dying and not to the fact that I rarely eat when Scott is out of town, which is often. (I know. Not healthy.)

I finally decided to face my demons and go see a gastroenterologist (GI). If I had the "C" word, I needed to face it. I prayed daily that it wouldn't be the case. I was scared. Really. Scared. I begged and pleaded with God, whom always reminded me in prayer to trust Him. Again. Literally. Each and every time, that would be the message I'd get.

I would pray hard. Tears flowing, asking him to please not leave my babies without a mother. Always after praying, I'd open my bible asking him to show me through His word the message He wanted me to hear. He did. Almost every time, each scripture verse I'd open to, spoke about having trust in the Lord.

I'd be at peace.

Until I let my guard down. Then....WHAM! The enemy was back! Reminding me each time of every web page I had hit that mentioned my symptoms might be cancer. I was obsessed. I'd walk around for days on end, speaking to my husband, my kids, my family thinking "how could I ever leave them?" I knew where I had to put my hope (and no, not in Obama), but the enemy was right there to knock me back each time.

Last Thursday, I went to see the GI doctor. I point blank looked at him after telling him my symptoms and said, "Please. Be up front with me. Do you think I'm dying? Do you think I have cancer?" He raised his head from the laptop he had been typing on and in a very serious tone said, "If you came to me and you were over 50 (I'm 46), I'd be concerned. If you told me you have a family history of colon cancer (I don't), I'd be concerned. If you were 70 years old and have never had a colonoscopy, I'd be concerned. But you have none of these. Do I think you're dying? No. I really don't. Do we need to do a colonoscopy to be sure? I absolutely think so because of your severe constipation, the "lumps"you feel (which he did not place too much emphasis on) and the abdominal pain."

I left the office with a bit of higher spirits and a strict laxative diet that began that same evening. I've spent the past 4 days on solely laxatives and an all "clear liquid only" diet. (Great way to lose weight pronto!)

Today, my never failing Mama drove me to my colonoscopy. Satan again messed with my brain as I kissed Scott goodbye prior to his driving to Orlando to take Kai for a checkup with Dr. Hero. I wondered if this would be the last time I'd see him prior to knowing the truth about what was ravaging my insides.

I walked back in the house and cried some more. A now almost daily event. I gathered myself together and went to kneel in my little prayer corner which holds my treasury of crosses, a picture of our Blessed Mother and my bible. I once again laid my crown of thorns at His feet, this time promising Him not to pick it up again. Just as I'd done so many times before. And failed.

I wondered how much He must love me. I thought about how often I go there, crying and pleading, thanking and praising Him, giving Him my sorrows and telling Him I trusted Him with all of my being, only to find myself sometimes just hours later, doubting. What patience our Lord has! I also felt so unworthy of asking Him for anything, when I couldn't even keep such a simple promise.

I know as a mother, my own kids sometimes misbehave and often say, "I'm sorry, Mama. I won't do that again", only to do it again the next day. I just hug them and say, "Okay". All the while thinking, "Sure you won't." But not for one split second do I ever stop loving them. That's probably how Jesus feels. I could just imagine what my heavenly Father thinks every time I lay something at His feet, only to take it back. He must shake His head and say, "Sure you won't". Yet, he continues to stand firm in His promise and His unconditional love. He never leaves my side.

I digress.




After praying hard this morning, I cleaned to keep busy. First the kitchen, then the bathrooms. No water after midnight last night quickly made me tired and thirsty. My Mom was picking me up at 1 p.m. I was home alone walking from room to room, my mind drifting from God's thoughts to Satan's. But this time, I would quickly renounce any negative thoughts and would just repeat over and over, "I trust in You, Jesus. I trust in You, Jesus." I must've said that phrase 1000 times.

Finally the hour arrived. My Mom picked me up and we headed to the surgical center. The doctor ran about 1.5 hours late. "An omen?", I thought. "No. Satan! I'm not giving into your pleasures." I again sat there quietly repeating to myself, "I trust in You, Jesus. I trust in You, Jesus."

At last my name was called. I went in.

After 3 failed attempts, an IV was put in place. I was then wheeled to the room where the procedure was being done. I could feel my heart racing, which was quickly verified by my monitored blood pressure. I was starving. I was scared. The nurse came in and asked if I wanted some Versed to relax me. "YES! PLEASE!" I quickly exclaimed. In less than a minute, I felt myself relaxing. I quietly rested on the table whispering to my Redeemer that I trusted Him, as we waited for the doctor to make his entrance. He did. Some small talk was initiated....

Forty minutes later, I was reading through the menu at The Olive Garden. It all looked so good. I decided on my favorite, Steak Gorgonzola. Then I heard my name. "Ohilda? Ohilda?" I wondered how the waitress knew my name. Again, "Ohilda?"

I opened my eyes. I was confused. Where was I?

Oh! It was over. I was in the recovery room. I literally had been dreaming about food. The nurse once again said, "Ohilda, are you awake?" I smiled and said, "Yes. You don't happen to have any Steak Gorgonzola for me, do you?" She half-laughed, half-smiled and said, "Nope. Sorry." All the while, I'm sure, thinking "it's not her colon that needs to be examined."

She told me we were all done and asked how I felt. I said, "Good." She said, "You can get dressed and the doctor will go over the results with you and your Mom (who was still waiting outside)." We walked into a small conference room and within minutes, the doctor appeared.

Conference rooms have always reminded me of serious business. Scary stuff. The doctor sat down and handed me a report that included two pictures of the inside of my colon. (Yes. I have pics...anyone wanna see? Okay... Don't run. I'm just kidding!)

He said to me, "Your colon looks good! No polyps. Nothing disturbing whatsoever. I am sticking my neck out to say that you are good to go for the next SEVEN years!" I loudly said, "Praise God!" and he smiled. He even cancelled my follow up appointment in two weeks! And the infamous lumps? Well, that was my very-full-to-the-brim colon I was feeling.

We discussed a few tips for my issue, which is only constipation (I warned you that this post might be TMI), which included a high fiber and liquid diet with a little help from my new best friend, MiraLax. I was good to go! Happy as a clam that my God, although I waivered through the valleys, continued to be what he has been in the past, is today and will be tomorrow. Faithful and unchanging. Just this morning He reminded me, "Give thanks to the God of heaven. His love endures forever." - Psalm 136:26

It's been a very long 5 months, but now I can truly rejoice and be glad, without worries, as we await my eldest son's wedding THIS coming Saturday!

Our Savior always wins!

Praise Be To God....from whom all blessings come.

P.S. My awesome Mom took me from the surgical center to Olive Garden for that Steak Gorgonzola! I love you, Mom.

Ily, thank you for the prayers and for taking my AJ overnight so that all could fall into place. I love you, too!



34 comments :

Anonymous said...

I prayed as promised. You prayed as always. God is good-- eat some oatmeal... LOL.
Pray for Rich--still no job and this issue with his arm--limited mobility has now resulted in the need to see a neuro surgeon--and no health insurance and no way to pay for it...keeping the faith, keeping the faith, keeping the faith.... are you convinced???
Love
Peg

Karin said...

Oh sweet friend, I am so glad everything is okay. Enjoy your son's wedding!!

Terynn said...

You literally had ONE MORE HOUR and I was going after you to find out where ya been! lol Glad all is well!

I had sort of the same thing going on at Christmas time last year. No biggie for me, either after the colonoscopy. Go figure. Actually, I was on some med. that had constipation as a side effect; quit the med and voila!

Love ya, friend!

Holly said...

I love you Ohilda!!
Isn't the prep for the colonoscopy loads of fun?! UGH! Been there done that 4 times and I'm 34!!
I've had polyps removed AND got a note in the mail telling me that I had precancerous cells which nearly gave me a heart attack only to read on that I did NOT have cancer!
I too have lost weight, had all sorts of discomfort, etc. and the main diagnosis is IBS...irritable bowel syndrome. Fun stuff. Miralax is THE best! LOVE that stuff!
I am so sorry my friend that I didn't know what you were going through I could have come up with some great poop jokes for real.
like I said, been down that road many times!!
BIG hugs and praises to the Father for your health!
love,
Holly

JShannon said...

I was wondering where you've been and why I wasn't seeing as many posts on FB.

mom2-4boys said...

Ohilda,

I am so sorry you were going through all of this. Glad you received good news.

I pray you sleep well tonight.

Tracey

day by day said...

Praising Him right along with you, my friend!!!!!

love you!
Michelle

Jill said...

OH! GIRL!!! You make me laugh and cry in the SAME blog post!!!
PRAISING GOD for your good health!! Satan sure is CRAFTY getting his claws in us isn't he? MAKES ME MAD!

Go eat your Raisen Bran with GREAT JOY!!!

XOXO
Jill

Starla said...

So glad to hear that all is well, and especially that you don't have to worry anymore. Have a wonderful wedding day!

Starla

Sally- That Girl! said...

So glad you are fine!! And by the way, you made something very serious pretty darn funny in your post!!

Lori said...

I wondered and wondered where you were, and I thought maybe I should email you then remembered I didn't have your email!
You are such a special person, I have not been a blogger friend for long (at least I hope I am) but in the short time God showed me what a blessing you are..I have prayed for your family because I thought maybe you were all still ill or had relapses you know, I am truly glad the Lord blessed you, have a rockin 7 years..The world and blogger land is a better place with you in it.

1thes 1
We always thank God for all of you, mentioning you in our prayers. 3We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.

Lori said...

Ohilda, I just sent you an email in my Name Lori..it is from Angel...I am under my business email sorry..so now you know who Lori is..LOL

Jill said...

So glad to hear you are okay! Praise Jesus!!
You had me scared!
Hugs, Jill

sara said...

ohilda, I am so sorry you have gone through so much, but so glad to hear it is only constipation!!! You know what they say...an apple a day....!!!

and I am even more glad you got the news before your son's wedding. God is good!

love you!

The Ferrill's said...

Ohilda! First, the title of this post...you are so funny! I am SO thankful that everything checked out okay! The way you turn to the Lord is so sweet; I love to picture you on your knees before Him in precious fellowship with your Best Friend! Intimacy with our Lord...that's how it should be!
And second, yay for a wedding this weekend!
And third, that dino. cartoon...HILARIOUS!
And fourth, A.J.'s little comment in that post way below...oh my goodness. He is irresistible!
Love you sweet friend!
Laine

Sherri said...

Hey dear one

The wedding is THIS WEEKEND? That's wonderful--you're nice and skinny for the wedding now! :)

Enjoy seeing your eldest get married. We want lots of pictures.

David and Sarah said...

Oh, Ohilda, I'm so sorry that you have had such difficulty for these months! But, am so grateful that it is nothing at all serious! God is so faithful!

I had a similar issue a couple of years ago (although the opposite problem that you've been having!). Kept thinking that it could be ovarian cancer, but it turned out to be a very bad case of endometriosis (which explained a lot of crazy things).

I know your feeling of great relief and thankfulness!

Blessings to you!
Sarah

Cyndi said...

Ohilda, You are one of the few people that can make me laugh out loud and then fill my eyes to the brim with tears on a regular basis. I think the Bombadier family has had enough health issues in this last year to last you all for awhile! No more! Only good stuff now, right?
And you are gaining a daughter-in-law this weekend? FABULOUS!!! Honey, and I know I need to take my own advice on this as well because I am such a control-freak, but LET GO AND LET GOD. It's harder said than done, but it's immensely relieving if you can! Love you and so happy you are okay!!!

Aus said...

Well I wondered what was going on - and couldn't be happier with your DX - you got a better one than I did - but BOTH are about normal for folks our ages (yeah - I'm older than you!!) Now - don't ask me what I said to the doctor when he was giving Marie and I the news about my results - and no real fair there - I was still REALLY rocked by the medication - and I'm not really that big a SMART A$$ JERK!

Humor aside - it was a scared as I've ever been too - no shame in that kid - we've got lots to keep living for!

Hugs and a load of love -

aus and co.

Angel said...

Praising Him that all is well-God is good-All the time!
Hope you have a blessed week!

RamblingMother said...

you are too funny. So glad it was nothing a little laxative couldn't fix. Hope you can keep all your pipes clear from now on, heh.

Michelle said...

I am so sorry to hear this is what has been keeping you away, but so glad to hear the great report!! You have had a full plate, my friend. Thanks for sharing the good, the bad and the ugly... even with several laughs thrown in. So glad the story ended on the GOOD!!
Praise the Lord!!!

One Happy Momma said...

Ohilda -

So glad to hear you are A-ok! I completely feel for you and your pain. I also completely understand where you are coming from. I had not one but two step-sons that the same thing happen to them. They were completely full up. Scary none-the-less.

Thank you for your honesty in sharing your story. You just never know who it may have helped. :)

Blessings and hugs - Cathy

The Byrd's Nest said...

Okay...I am breaking my rule about checking on blogs during the week. BUt I have to say.....I have never once in all the weeks I have been praying for you felt anything but peace. You want to know what I think? For months and months....you have expressed on your blog how you have trouble handing things over to the Lord...well....you did it! Sometimes what we have to go through to get there isn't pretty but you DID IT! I am so proud to call you my friend...I am so proud to call you my special prayer warrior....I am so proud to call you my sister;)

Sherri & Todd said...

My dear sweet friend!! Wow, what a nightmare to go through. I was in tears the whole time reading your post and I got the biggest smile ever back on my face when the doctor came in with your news!! I'm so glad everything is ok - and I have to say straight to the point you were. Funny with the dreaming of the steak and what a great Mom to take you out for that steak.

Enjoy your son's wedding and have a great week!!

Love and Blessings,
Sherri

Amy - AKA - TigerMommie said...

Sorry to hear all of the stress and anxiety you've just been through.......but so very glad to hear that there's nothing to worry about!

I try to keep in mind that worrying about something is just not productive. If nothing comes of it, you went through all of the emotions for nothing....and if something does come of it, you end up going through it twice........
Cheers! Enjoy the fall!.......

geminirn said...

Oh my goodness,i feel terrible to think of what you have been going through...so happy to hear that the end results were good.
Enjoy the wedding and take lots of photos!
Hugs!!!

Ladyblog said...

Glad you got such good results! I had one a few months ago due to a very strong family history and boy was I terrified! Mine was clear too! PTL for good health right?

Amy said...

O. M. Gosh, O'...

I don't even know where to begin!

Yes. Yes I do. First, Praise God you are well (and your colon has sufficiently been cleansed)!

Second, I am SO SORRY you have been dealing with all of this awful worry! Oh poor you...the heavy heart that comes with imagining leaving your babies without a mommy, Scott without his best "Sally." It breaks my heart to think of you going through all of these fears...

I am REJOICING with you that all is well! I am so GRATEFUL to God that my precious friend is safe from harm. And I am ANXIOUSLY AWAITING pictures from a wedding filled with Love and Joy and Promise!!! Enjoy your baby boy's big day!

I love you, Ohilda!

Always,
Ame

Patricia/NYC said...

Ohilda!!! I am so sorry you have been going through this, but I am rejoicing with you that all is well!! Great news!!
And I have to tell you, that Olive Garden "dream" really made me laugh! Glad your sweet mom made that a reality for you!!

Sooooo happy you are feeling better, my friend!!

Keisha said...

... I have been right where you stood about 7yrs. ago now.. it is NOT a comfortable feeling at all!
I have to have routine C! (hate them)
My heart skips a beat everytime.. the Dr. walks in the room after recovery.

I'm soo thankful for you WONDERFUL report!!! Praising HIM!!

Anonymous said...

praising GOD along with you that he has continued to bless us with you for many many more years to come... I love you my sweet sister...

Timmy's Girl @ Luv My Quiver Full Of Arrows said...

Wow, Honey, I had no idea. However, I am praising God that he spared you from anything further and I love how you always use each opportunity to praise, him, seek him, and fall at his feet. You inspire me.

xoxo,
Veronica

Sara W. said...

Oh Ohilda...I'm so glad that all tested out fine!!! Thinking of you.

Have fun at/in the wedding...what an exciting day it will be.

Thank God that you are OK!!! I'm sure you were worried to death..for so long....ugh, that's terrible. But now you know you're just "full of it."

Cheers!

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