"Once our eyes are opened, we cannot pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act." Proverbs 24:12

“There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.”- William Butler Yeats

Friday, September 21, 2007

Naptime Intermission

This is going to be brief and unexplained but I wanted to make something crystal clear. It has come to my attention that some reader(s) feel that I am crediting myself as an authority in adoption/attachment. I think that every post I have ever written about attachment, I have clearly disclaimed that I AM NOT AN EXPERT and that in no way do I claim to be, I go on further to say that I am going by what I have learned and what I have experienced with my own children, and what has worked for our family in the past. I know that holding time therapy is a very controversial topic and I expected this to occur because many people do not believe in it. I believe that each child is different, each parenting technique is different and that each parent has to do what they feel is best for their child. But, I will say that attachment issues are very real and it is pure ignorance to believe that they do not exist.

I also want to make it even more clear that Jesus Christ IS the center of our lives, in case there was any doubt in anyone's mind. There is not a time when I have done holding time, with either Kai or Anna Grace, that I am not praying over them and asking for the Holy Spirit to come and fill our hearts with His peace and unconditional love. I love my children, again...ALL OF THEM, with every fiber of my being, and would lay down my life in a heartbeat for any of them. as I suppose any parent would. Holding time therapy (at least how I do it) in no way, shape or form, physically hurts the child and the results are astounding. Again, MY PERSONAL BELIEF. By the way, holding time is not always when the child is screaming to not be held. Many, many times is it a beautiful bonding experience in which lots of eye-contact and skin-to-skin contact is attained, much like you would do with a newborn infant.

As to my feelings that I have aired publicly. I have done so because I just felt in my heart that I cannot be the only person out there experiencing those feelings. Over 50 emails now have affirmed my thoughts. They are normal feelings in the process. WE ARE HUMAN....only God is perfect. I DO NOT expect perfection from Anna Grace, nor do I from any of my children, nor anyone around me for that matter, since I know that I, myself, am so far from perfection. I am grateful that we are blessed with a forgiving Father in heaven who sees our imperfections and still loves us unconditionally. So, how could I not do the same with my own children? There is a difference between helping Anna Grace learn to love, attach and trust and trying to make her perfect, something that I would never do. I can give you pages full of imperfections that my children all have, yet I see them thru a Mother's eyes....as if they were each a flawless diamond.

But most importantly, and I know I've said this before when I delve into private situations with our family, I want to reiterate the reason why I have not made my blog private. I can't tell you how many times I have thought about doing so, especially because I know there are readers who I would prefer not reading the private details of our lives. I have prayed much about it. God has spoken to my heart each time I have prayed, going back to the first website that I created back in 2003, Formed By Love, which was created to give glory and honor to our Lord and Savior for everything He has done in our lives. For years now, I have received emails from readers who have been in despair and somehow, someway, the Lord led them to read my site and gave them a message from HIM that they needed to hear. Let me reiterate that...from HIM, not me. I take no credit for any of His works and am humbled that He has used me as a tool. Hence, the reason why I have not gone private. If at any point in time it has appeared that it is MY pride or accomplishments, I profusely apologize, not to my readers, but to my Lord. I am but a mere servant to an awesome God, and I will continue to praise Him for the good AND the bad. I continue to live my life giving Him the glory and turning every blessing into praise. Ironically, I've had people write to me that they think I am overboard on giving God glory. Go figure.

Lastly, as I said in yesterday's entry, and the Lord said in the book of Jeremiah, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.". I know He has great plans for Anna Grace and the struggles we are going thru will indeed be used for His glory. I hope some of you are around to rejoice with our family and praise our God with us when that day comes.

In His Name....


PS. For those still encouraged, spending an entire day carrying Anna Grace yesterday, even through my sister's birthday celebration, has made a remarkable difference in her attitude today.

PSS. I apologize for it turning out not so brief.

Live in such a way that those who
know you, but don't know God
will come to know God
because they know you.


Sophie's Mom said...

You speak the truth girl, and I love it. Holding therapy for us has been nothing short of a miracle for Sophia. I want to scream from the rooftop and educate people adopting about attachment issues, because so many are wearing those rose colored glasses. I, myself, was one that missed the signs for about a year.

Thank you for opening up your heart and sharing your attachment experiences. It helps us all.

Mom of 5 said...

I admire and credit you for your honesty. I really feel that all children adopted have SN-no matter what track you take. Attachment is a huge issue. A person does what is best for them and their situation. Adoption is work. Bio kids are work. I look at all this collective work as parenting-no matter what I am doing to help my kids. We also have a strong faith base that is what we strive to remember, follow and instill in our kids.
I love your blog, posts and honesty.

Ruth said...

Ohilda, I cannot thank you enough for being so honest and open about your experience. It has helped me so much to recognize things in my Anna and to begin to deal with them. The books can say it but when you see someone living it out and hearing the brutal truth it is a whole different story!!!
I appreciate your deep faith as well and not sure how this is done without it! It is a faith walk day by day! The rejection would just kill me if I did not know the TRUTH!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for blogging like you do!!!

2China4Ayla said...

O. - You know my dear friend that I am thinking of you all the time, knowing we are both facing very similar struggles. I barely get to read blogs these days but I always try and see how you are AG are doing. You are in my thoughts and prayers and I believe one day we will both look back and be amazed at the healing God has brought to our families and especially to our beautiful little girls who seem to struggle with their broken little spirits.

Laurie said...

I love reading your blog; I love your heart; and I love that you allow God to use you. Thank you for not going private. I get so much encouragement from you!

My daughter does not suffer from the same attachment issues, yet I see some of the same struggles with her. Reading about yours makes me feel human.

thanks.. Laurie Wells

Lisa said...

Hi, I just discovered your blog. I do so appreciate your honesty. We brought our daughter home in Feb. 2005. We had some attachment issues and some days as you have described. I ended up quitting my job 3 months after coming home to be with her. I was determined that I was going to break down that wall have her trust and love me the way my heart loves her. She has come such a long way, but we still have a day here and there that she has to be reminded that I am not going anywhere. We now have more good days than bad. I am sooooo thankful for that.
We are now dealing with the issue of her being afraid of Asian adults. She has made strides in this area over the past couple of months.
I can remember coming home and trying to talk to friends that had adopted and I felt so alone because everyone I talked to just didn't seem to have the problems that we had or chose not to be honest. It is a hard road to hoe, but they are so worth it.
God Bless,

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