our own little 'tea party'

Or ... Raising Radical Right-Wing Extremists.

YOU DECIDE!

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blah

I've been feeling really Blah the past few days.

(By the way, I didn't think "Blah" was a word, but for the heck of it, looked it up. Voila: blah - noun 1. the blahs, a feeling of physical uneasiness, general discomfort, or mild depression; malaise:)

Yep, that definition pretty well sums it up. Just not wanting to do much but lay around and listen to nothing.

A few of you have emailed me (THANK YOU!) asking if things are OK because I've been AWOL. I've been lax in responding, because of the blahs, but I wanted you to know that your sweet concern is really appreciated and were highlights to my days.

Today, the sun is shining and although the kids aren't back in school (Kai because he's still on a soft diet, and Anna Grace because I'm giving her a few more days of reprieve and letting her stay home with Mama) and pretty much going stir crazy, things are getting back to normal. Thank you, Jesus!

THE RECAP

We were discharged from the hospital Saturday morning. Four hours later, we surprised Daddy and the kids when we walked through the door. I opened the door and Anna Grace happened to be standing right there in the hallway, which totally caught her off guard. Her immediate response was "MAMA!!" as she came flying down the hall and crashing into my arms, smothering me with kisses. That alone was enough to make my heart soar. It was genuine and real and again I cried, but this time, happy tears not sad ones. AJ soon heard the commotion and ran to us also, followed by sweet hubby who had been baking brownies for the little ones. It was so good to be home!

Kai's discharge instructions included remaining on a soft food diet (hence the reason he's not going to school this week), and returning back to Orlando to see "the team" (ENT & Dr. Hero), which is now set for next Wednesday.

While gone, we missed Anna Grace's birthday (April 7). I felt horrible about it and knew that she would be angry because I wasn't there for such a special occasion. So, as a family we came up with a great idea. Since she's only 4 and wouldn't know when her real birthday was, we decided that upon our arrival home, we'd tell her that her birthday was coming up the next day. So, Saturday afternoon we broke the news to her that her birthday was "tomorrow" which coincided with Easter Sunday. She glowed with excitement that carried through to the next day.

In the morning, we went to Easter mass and then she and I headed to the stores to gather the supplies needed for her special day. She picked out a colorful Tinkerbell fairy cake along with all the Tinkerbell paraphernalia that would make the saddest of fairies be filled with glee. She also got to visit the toy section and pick out a special gift for herself. That's something that doesn't happen much in our family so it was truly special. Mama was definitely at the top o' her list that day!

Later that evening, my sister, mom and their families came over. We had a nice dinner and we all gathered to sing happy birthday to our sweet girl. I was able to capture lots of cute pictures, which I'll be posting tomorrow. So be sure to check back!

Going back to Kai, he did great with his de-sats while in the hospital. Saturday night, around midnight, the monitor went off for the first of six times that night. Going as low as 79. To say I was disappointed, frustrated and discouraged was an understatement. That was the beginning of the blahs. His de-sats have continued every night until this morning! But God, in his wondrous glory, knew I desperately needed some uplifting. Last night Kai did not have one de-sat. Praise God!!! I'm hoping it was swelling from the surgery and that we are done....done.....done!

Adding to the blahs was some more drama in my life. This is drama I've never spoken about before, but it has haunted our lives since I met Scott, almost 12 years ago. Every family has one or two of those dysfunctional family members. Ours happens to live several states away, yet still manages to creep in their dysfunction every so often. This last one, a few days ago, hit a nerve. A BIG nerve.

Why? Because this particular person, who has never agreed to Scott and I being together, wrote on a public journal an entry about me that included the words that I "couldn't even give Scott his own kids." Well, as you guys probably know by now, you can mess me with me, but DON'T mess with my kids!

That absolutely brought out the Mama Bear in me and sent me into a such an inner rage that I needed a few days to get over it. The rage that is. The hurt is still very much there because this person that should be a close family member to our little ones, has instead never acknowledged them. And yes, although I speak often about forgiveness, I am revelling in the fact that I don't want this person in our lives anymore. I know with time God will show me this is not of Him, but the hurt inside is just too much right now. I'm done. Cooked. Finished.

I admit though, that in the midst of the anger, God did grace me. He allowed me to exercise my many failed attempts at being submissive and Scott properly handled the situation by standing up for his wife and his children. Thankfully. I remained out of it because otherwise I may have made the 6 p.m. news. God is good! I now have gotten past the anger and am just filled with sadness and hurt that people could be so evil.

I am ready for the drama in my life to cease and go back to our normal, boring routine of being a typical, God-loving, chaotic, yet happy family who loves being together.

On a happier note, I wanted to share and thank Mrs. Kassebaum, as she is now known to our Anna Grace. To me she is Jennifer, one of my loyal readers who has now become a dear friend. She also happens to be Nick's auntie. (Wanna shed happy tears? Go read some miraculous works over there!!)

This wonderful lady received a God-spiration the night before we left to the hospital and decided to put a package together for Anna Grace and Mama. The package arrived on the Monday after we had come home from the hospital. It was filled with goodies for both of us, but more importantly it was filled with God's promises to Anna Grace describing to her what she really is. A Princess. No, not just any Princess. But, THE PRINCESS! The daughter of The King. The package included two wonderful books about cooking and tea-parties (Hmm...so appropo as our country holds tea-parties across the nation today)! I digress. So, my princess and I will be cooking together soon and having tea-parties with all willing parties. My heart just melted at Jennifer's kindness as we went through her letters, notes and goodies. Thank you, Jennifer. You are a true servant who made a little girl (and her Mama) so very happy! Love you!

Before I wrap it up, I just want to say thank you all again for your prayers and support. I've been humbled by your benignity and selfless acts as I go to my mailbox and find cards for both Kai and myself, gift certificates to restaurants, and even donations to help with our beyond-imagining medical expenses right now.

I pray that someday the Lord allow me to return your kindness in a manner that affects you the way you have affected us, which is greatly.

Saying "Thank You" just does not seem to be enough. I know we are blessed beyond measure.

The Nails....and The Nails!

"While we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." - Romans 5:6-8


Some nails I am so very thankful for. And. Some. I am definitely not!


Good Friday is a day of mourning, of sadness, of reflection at the injustice that lurks in the dark world that we live in. Yet, our omnipotent God knew. And He loved us so much that He sacrificed His son, His only son, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, so that we may have eternal life.

That afternoon when that cross was raised in Golgotha, when our Lord willingly suffered and died for each of us, when nails were hammered into his flesh, after he had been spat on and humiliated for our sins, we had no idea that it would be the greatest gift we would ever receive. My heart breaks at the thought of how Jesus suffered for me, a sinner, on that cross. It breaks when I think of what an offensive, repeat offender I continue to be. Yet, His love for me is so great that He continues to remind me that it's OK. He loves me. His unconditional love is something that I could never be separated from. (Romans 8:35-39) Much like the love I have for my own Bouquet of Blessings. Thank you, Lord!

Now, speaking of blessings.


Around 1:00 p.m. yesterday we were wheeled down to the pre-op. After reviewing every possible scenario with Dr. Hero and the new ENT, which by the way I happen to love, they confidently headed into the OR.

About an hour later, they emerged through the doors of the waiting room where I nervously sat praying and wishing them through.

They smiled and immediately reassured me all was well. Then they asked that I follow them into the conference room. I hate conference rooms. (Conference rooms will always remind of Angel's story.) Conference rooms seem to never be a place for good news.

The new ENT first commented on the fact that the previous ENT who had done the adenoidectomy at MCH did a great job! That was a huge relief. Then they proceeded to tell me about Kai's present surgery.

After scoping and completely going in from nasal cavity down to his airway, they found that one of the "ports" on each side of the flap, which are quite small to start with (on purpose to prevent excess airflow into the nasal cavity) seemed to be the problem. The port (breathing hole) was covered by tissue, therefore leaving him only one side only to breathe in from. When he falls asleep and his muscles relax, that covering tissue sort of flops down over the port, blocking the airway. When the adenoids were enlarged due to the respiratory infection he had weeks ago, it threw him over the edge. Dr. Hero solved this by cutting back about 2/3 of the tissue that surrounded the port.

Is it the answer to stopping the de-sats? We're not 100% sure, but it definitely was a contributing factor. We will now do a repeat sleep study for his apnea in about 6-8 weeks. He will remain on the monitor at home for that time, and is also now on preventative medications (Nasonex and Claritin) daily for an undetermined length of time.

After the doctors left, the nurses called me into the recovery room where my boy was having a raging fit as he was coming out of anesthesia. Oh. My. Word! That's where the other nails come in.

I had meant to clip Kai's nails before leaving Ft. Myers, but in my haste, I completely forgot. As I approached the crib where arms were flailing, screams were shattering glass and eyes were shut so tight that I thought they'd burst, he reached out and literally clawed me. I hadn't even spoken so he didn't know it was me. I immediately retracted. This time more cautiously I approached the crib again and tried to whisper (but ended up shouting for him to hear me above the screams), "Kai! It's Mama. I'm here baby. It's OK!" He then whipped around towards me and before I could jump back, two little hands with outstretched claws fingers dug deep into my arm and left their mark as I pulled back. He reminded me of a documentary I had once seen on feral children.

By then, one of the nurses whose job I had taken over by holding him down, had gone to get the anesthesiologist. Shortly afterwards, he rushed in with syringe in hand and gave him a dose of Presidex, a sedative to allow him to go back to sleep without compromising his respiratory function the way morphine would (not to mention that he's allergic to morphine). The response? NOTHING. The wildcat was still on the loose, attempting to rip off any wiring attached to him, throwing his beloved pillow across the room, pulling off his hospital gown and almost choking himself in the process. Another dose 4 minutes later. Again. Nothing. Finally, the doctor said it was not working, which was quite obvious to those who only really understand medicine in layman's terms, such as moi. He ran out and ran back this time with a syringe filled with Diprivan, a medication used to maintain general anesthesia. He immediately was out. The doctor instructed the recovery room nurses to allow him to sleep it off and not wake him. Which meant we remained in the tiny, frigid cold, dark recovery room for what seemed like forever.

About 3 hours later, I gently spoke to him trying to rouse him without startling him. It worked! He accepted his pillow from me and let me stand by his crib stroking his hair as he came in and out of conscienceness.

We came up to the room where he had some jello, some juice and a dose of Tylenol with codeine for pain.

This morning he awoke happy and for-the-most-part pain free, with the exception of a terrible rash that has covered his body. Yes. The codeine. An alkaloid found in opium that converts into morphine in the liver. Being that he is allergic to morphine, I should've known. They should've known. Right now, I have one very itchy and red little boy sleeping behind me. A little boy filled to the brim with Claritin and Benadryl.

As to the de-sats, assuming the monitor worked properly, we did great last night! The alarm didn't go off once and my keenly watchful Mama eyes did not see any drops in his levels. Praise God!

We have at least one or two more nights here, meaning we should be home for Easter, God willing. I leave you all with some pictures of my boy. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your prayers and wishing you all a very blessed Easter weekend.

Heavily sedated in recovery, after his wildcat tribute.

In the pre-op learning how to take apart the blood pressure cuffs...

....and his heart rate leads.

Being my silly boy!

Cute foot-sies with the now very-familiar-to-us oxygen sensor attached.