My Solution to the Resolutions

2008 is behind us and although it brought many good things, I don't think it'll be a year that I will look back at and say, "It was amazing". Between the economy, the struggles with Anna Grace's attachment issues (which were pretty darn rough), surgeries, China closing it's doors to so many parents wanting a child (myself included), and my total lack of will power to lose the weight I wanted, I have to say it definitely wasn't what I had planned. And I think that's where the problems lay. They were all my plans.

I've decided my solution to the New Year Resolutions dilemma is that I will not make any plans this year. I am trusting and believing that God has plans that are perfectly laid out for me. He is just waiting for me to stop trying to do His job, which seems like something I keep wanting to do. I don't know why I insist on it, since there's no way that I could ever do His job, nor would I ever want to. But nonetheless, my hard-headed self just keeps butting into His business.

With all the disappointments that came in the past year, came good things. God showed me that although we've had some pretty tough financial struggles, he always provides. God showed me that although I asked him over and over while waiting for both Anna Grace and Kai to come home to please not allow us to adopt a child with attachment issues. That was my one fear. He allowed it because He knew I could handle it. I've learned to embrace it and have been strengthened by these struggles. I've found myself searching my heart and at times, reaching out to Him like I never have before. He allowed me to see through Anna Grace's surgery just a slight glimpse of what our future could be without attachment issues. For a few weeks life was great. Was the surgery the answer? Oh, no! But we did definitely move a notch up on the bonding ladder. As small as that baby step is, it is so worth it!

I've learned throughout the last year that I can't take things into my own control without botching it up at some point. You may wonder how I know what God's plans really are for me. I don't have the answer to that one. I do know not to expect God to place before me a huge billboard that says, "Good morning, Ohilda! Take this road today." and I know that He will whisper to me in the depths of my heart and open doors that will assure me that is where I should be going. I just need to "be still and know that He is God". I need to not put God in a little box, but instead, allow Him to be the God of all that I do.

Yet that said, I definitely feel like I am exactly where I should be in life. I am surrounded by the people He wants in my life. I am going through the experiences He knew I'd go through. Some I've learned from. Some I keep banging my head against the wall with. With some, He knew I'd take the wrong roads way before He created me, and I'm guessing that it's a pretty sure bet He knows the paths that I'll be taking in the future. So, does it make any sense to not let Him take the controls and be the pilot?

Therefore, 2009 will be without plans for me. I'm waking up in the mornings and proclaiming, "Lord! This is your day. I am your child! Please take control of my life and lead me to what YOU want me to do." I just pray that everything I do brings Him all the honor and glory that He is so worthy of.

I'm not planning for Anna Grace's heart to be completely healed in 2009. That's His child and if it is in His plans, it will happen. I'm not planning for our finances to be cleared and we be debt free. If He wants that to happen, He will open those doors. I'm not worrying about whether or not another child is in our future. He is in control of that.

I'm done making plans. I'm giving it all to Him. The only plan I'm making for 2009 is to allow God to be God and it sure feels good not to have to carry around that load!

In the mood to laugh?

Oh my gosh! A friend sent THIS to me today and I was laughing so hard (I guess because it's SO true) that I was crying! What do you think?

Also, if you haven't done so already, don't forget to sign up for the "Let's Celebrate Family Giveaway". The deadline is this Friday at midnight. And remember, they'll be TWO winners.

It's Monday!

The Christmas decorations are down, the kids are back in school (quietly yelled "Whoopee" heard in the background!), and things are slowly returning to normal. So, what does all this mean? This means it's time to head back to one of my favorite pastimes, Not Me, Monday! Yes, time to disclose all those embarrassing moments we'd rather hide, but know it's more therapeutic to share. Lucky you, huh? So, without further ado.....

It was not me that begged and whined asked Santa for a FLIP video recorder for Christmas and now has found it to be too time consuming to convert .avi files to .mpeg so has not bothered using her new toy. That would be ridiculous and a complete waste of money!

It was absolutely not me that told my sweet bloggy friend, Sara over at ...Make Music From Your Heart to the Lord, that I would participate in her new event, Project 365, but ended up not doing it. That is not a nice thing to do and I am hoping she still loves me. :)

It was not me that laughed hysterically when I exclaimed that I was thinking about "getting a job" and both Kai and Anna Grace jumped up at the same time and said, "No, Mama! You no get job! Daddy get job! You stay home and do nothing. Mama's only take care of babies. They no work!" It was not me that found it so amusing that my kids have already created in their minds what a Mama's role and a Daddy's role is. (Working Mamas please do not take offense, this just happens to be our situation and the only ones our kids know.)

It is not me that walks up and down the dining room looking at the still huge stack of unopened toys that Santa brought wondering where I am going to store all of it. It is also not me that has awoken the last three mornings filled with energy to clean the house top to bottom, only to find something to distract me (such as Scrabble on Facebook) and then throw caution to the wind and not to anything. That would be irresponsible and immature and that's not me!

Lastly, it was definitely not me who has been walking around ranting and raving every time she receives an email from #@*#!# YouTube saying that they have removed one of my videos because of copyright infringements, including but not limited to my video "The Call" of Kai's referral, Kai's surgery, Kai and AJ's baptism and the I've Had a Bad Day video that I made of all my kiddos. It still isn't me that gets infuriated when I think about the fact that I could see if I were making money off of somebody's song, but I'm absolutely not! GRRRR!!!!!

For more Not Me, Monday! fun click the Not Me Monday! button above and head over to MckMama's site.